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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Work colleagues left me out!

61 replies

Lagoonablue · 20/03/2015 09:40

Don't know how to react to this. Someone is leaving so colleagues all gone out to breakfast and haven't asked me! I am not strictly in their team but in an associated team but sit right next to them ! Plus someone else associate to them was asked! How mean is that?!

Feel really sad. Not sure how to react if I'm honest. Well she won't be getting the card and wine I bought for her.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 20/03/2015 12:00

Who was the most senior person there? You should bring it up with him/her. There shouldn't be exclusion like that at work.

Original poster

Lagoonablue · 20/03/2015 12:05

No one senior there. I am just going to get on with it now. Thanks all.

OP posts:

Boobarellaumbrella · 20/03/2015 12:09

That's very hurtful op, I would be upset too.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 20/03/2015 13:17

I would still give her the present, 'Here, this is for you. I wanted to give it to you first thing this morning but you were out with the others at your leaving breakfast do so I did not see you. How did that go, did you all enjoy yourselves?' Long stare and go quiet waiting for her response.

Depends on how you say it though, if she is thick skinned she may not 'get it'.

Original poster

Lagoonablue · 20/03/2015 13:20

Miss P I would love to do that but doubt I could!

OP posts:

Capricorn76 · 20/03/2015 13:28

Give her the card as you've already written it out, youll be wasting your money if you bin it and it's still a thoughtful gesture that will make her feel bad about leaving you out.

However, don't give her the wine, drink it tonight and buy yourself something with the money you saved not going to the breakfast.

NorwegianBirdhouse · 20/03/2015 13:30

Don't you think someone else may have organised it? It's normal to pay for the leaver so she may have felt it wasn't her place to ask if organised by someone else iyswim.

NorwegianBirdhouse · 20/03/2015 13:34

It's the most awful feeling for sure, but possibly a bit of a simple/ thoughtless oversight so don't let it colour how you feel about your work colleagues too much as most will have been innocent and you still have to sit with them.

Branleuse · 20/03/2015 13:38

if it was a breakfast, there was unlikely to be formal invitations. You were probably supposed to just turn up

Original poster

Lagoonablue · 20/03/2015 13:50

I was definitely left out. When they were inviting the other associate colleague they could have asked me then. I was just sitting there. It was so obvious as I was left alone sitting at a bank of empty desks answering their frigging phones as they all trooped off. I have no idea why.

Also, if it were me I would have said, oooh Lagoona's is just on her own there, do you think we should have asked her too. Still I am not exclusive in my work relationships.

Live and learn......

OP posts:

Shockers · 20/03/2015 14:02

Give the card and keep the wine.

But... I don't think people would be so hard faced on purpose. Do you think it could have been an oversight and everyone thought you had been asked by someone else? They may not have mentioned it on their return because they realised what had happened and were embarrassed by their mistake.

MarshaBrady · 20/03/2015 14:08

It would have been pretty obvious as the walked out, easy to say would you like to join us. Gah at leaving you to answer their phones, hope you let them ring.

TrueBlueYorkshire · 20/03/2015 15:15

Reading threads like this makes me really glad I don't work with women.

MaxPepsi · 20/03/2015 15:24

I've been in your position OP and it's not very nice.

I wasn't part of their team but we all sat on the same floor. I was left sitting by myself in a corner on numerous occasions.

I eventually said something, to the management, as it was upon their say so that I was excluded. The reasoning was that if they invited me - the non team member, they would have to invite every other employee of the firm despite them sitting on different floors!

I got an apology and was advised that unless it was a specific work related outing (of which I could not feasibly participate) I would not be left out again.

I wasn't and even after an office move where the entire company sat on one floor I still got included.

Branleuse · 20/03/2015 16:46

if you are sure they left you out on purpose, then i think you need to summon some balls and just tell them "it was a bit fucking shitty and awkward you inviting everyone else to breakfast except me. Not cool. Not impressed"

Crinkle77 · 20/03/2015 16:53

God what a gang of t**ts. To leave one person out is really spiteful and I wouldn't have answered their phones. Deffo keep the wine and drink it yourself.

Ataraxy · 20/03/2015 16:59

I've been in this situation. It's utter crap. Bottom line is that she doesn't like you. There is nothing you can do about that I'm afraid. Don't think there's something wrong with you because there isn't. It's her issue.

If you're feeling generous, give her the card. Save the wine for yourself tonight, she does not deserver it. Bunch of dicks.

NorwegianBirdhouse · 20/03/2015 17:05

Maybe they knew they would need someone to answer phones. Extremely rude and a disgraceful thing to do to anyone.

RandomMess · 20/03/2015 17:08

I've been there and treated like several times by the same team. The effects on me were awful tbh. I couldn't be like that to anyone, even people I don't particularly like I would not leave out because it's f*cking cruel.

thefirstmrsrochester · 20/03/2015 17:23

Another one who has been there and worn the t-shirt .
Agree, their need for someone to answer the phones was greater than their desire to display common decency. What a bunch of arseholes. I hope that you said something and I hope you kept the wine.

bumbleymummy · 20/03/2015 17:29

They sound very unkind :(

Hope you have a lovely evening and weekend. Enjoy your wine.

Sugarfreeriot · 20/03/2015 17:32

Someone at my dps work did this to him. It was that 1 person who didn't like him (he got hired to do her job as she didn't do it properly) who had organised it all and excluded him on purpose- nobody else twigged until they got there!
Horrible thing to do. Either ask straight up or just pretend you haven't even noticed- if someone's done it on purpose don't want them to think they've managed to get to you.

savickowl · 20/03/2015 17:38

Poor you. yes disgraceful behaviour. silly *holes. Anyway what saddo's go out for leaving-do breakfast?- you can come down the pub with us now-we're a much better laugh.
group think behaviour can be hideous.
no advice other than when i've been in situations similar to this or "out of the blue WTF happened there that hurt" situations. I try not to fight/rationalise the pain I am feeling too much initially (mindfulness crap) and then try and distract myself to the max (ha mixed advice message). Hope you okay. What a bunch of losers.

CoffeeBeanMonster · 20/03/2015 17:46

It's not fun being left out. Is there anyone from the team that you could speak to about it to avoid being left out again?

miniavenger · 20/03/2015 18:30

That's really snubbing, to all walk past you and leave you with their work. Keep it and drink the wine tonight yourself.I don't know why someone people are so like that.

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