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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be crying my eyes out right now

27 replies

sauvignonrose192 · 19/03/2015 19:54

My cheeks are burning tears are streaming and I have reached breaking point , where shall I start. Had a tough time the last 15 months had a permanent job was made redundant 10 months it was all looking up for us as a family.

We had to move and give up a house due to anti social behaviour bought a new house 4 months in I'm made redundant so I get a temp job to have then the jobs endong and being back to square one.

I'm now without a job again may have a new one starting in the next week. Dp Is working all the hours he can, I have to ask for money makes me feel useless . We have become strangers the kids are playing up we have money problems like couples do, we never go out anymore alone and I feel so overwhelmed.

I turn to my parents for help tell them my problems to be told we are to busy to see you, they don't call don't offer to help I have found this really hard.

Just feel so useless trying to take care of my kids no support all my friends know my relationship is on the rocks and I feel useless right now I need a friend to dry my tears.

I look myself I have put on weight have no clothes that fit me , I need to pick myself up and get a grip any advice would be great.

OP posts:
FenellaFellorick · 19/03/2015 19:59

I am so sorry. That sounds like a hell of a lot to deal with.

You aren't useless. At all. You are still on your feet after all that you have gone through. You're amazing.

Are your friends not supportive?

Do you think you would benefit from a bit of counselling just to help you to process all the stuff you're going through?

What you need is not to get a grip, it is to be kind to yourself.

JustHavinABreak · 19/03/2015 20:00

You poor thing. Just have a good cry. I can't fix this for you. I wish I could. But I'll hold your hand while you have a cry and maybe afterwards you might feel a bit better. This too will pass. You'll look back on this time as a low point, but a time when things started to get better I hope xxx

AltheaVestrit · 19/03/2015 20:02

You sound depressed to me.

Get an appointment with your GP and see what's on offer in the way of support and/or anti-Ds.

Things may seem insurmountable today, but accomplishing small steps and getting your shit in order will start to put a positive on things.

Original poster
sauvignonrose192 · 19/03/2015 20:11

I have just come of anti ds thought I was coping ok can not go back on them as they made me very anxious, I just feel teary and feel I don't have a friend I can call with my boring problems.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 19/03/2015 20:14

Hang in there OP. Have a good cry (is a great release), Have a soak in the bath, tomorrow book GP for help with depression.

This may sound trite but could you all go out for a while as a family - even if just for a walk in the country and a pub lunch after? Sometimes just a break from the grindstone and some fresh air can help. Excercise is also great for relieving stress - and helps to shed excess weight. Put on your favorite music and dance while dusting etc. Get the kids to join in for a laugh.

Flowers
BMW6 · 19/03/2015 20:16

You do so have friends - here they are.

thatsucks · 19/03/2015 20:17

I'm really sorry you are feeling so low. You have a hell of a lot to contend with and anyone would be struggling. I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom other than you are not alone and there are people who care, even if we are strangers on the net Thanks

callamia · 19/03/2015 20:18

You don't need a grip, you need a break. I'm sorry life has been so tough on you, you're working hard and just bit catching a break. It's unfair.

Can you go out tomorrow? Get some air, and a coffee? For now, a cry might just help you to feel a bit calmer. Can you go and get a hug with your husband? Just some small things to make it all a bit more manageable.

You're clearly doing an amazing job of coping, so be nice to yourself when you feel overwhelmed like this.

wheresthelight · 19/03/2015 20:20

Sending unmumsnetty hugs op!!!

It does get better!! I struggled to find work after maternity leave and absolutely hated asking for money from dp, it was soooooooooo degrading! I didn't want to have to claim jobseekers unless it was absolutely necessary and just before Christmas it got to that point.

seriously consider it, it's not a lot but it does help and it does mean you cam have that coffee with friends without having to ask for a handout. or buy the newspaper to look for jobs. their website is really good for iobs and they get a lot round here that aren't advertised anywhere else which is how I got my new job. plus if you get a good adviser then they are really lovely to deal with and really helpful!

Hope you are ok!! have some Thanks Thanks Thanks to cheer you up

Kleptronic · 19/03/2015 20:22

It can get better, you won't always feel like this. [hug]

Original poster
sauvignonrose192 · 19/03/2015 20:25

I did start exercising gave up when my relationship took a knock, I have been looking and applying for jobs, had a great deal of knock backs as you do, but for two months I have picked myself up.

I took any job I could find to fit round the kids , but kids being looked after by different people either pil or childminder or friends.

Had to let childminder go so she could feel the spaces, I have done my best feel bad like I have let my kids down.

Used to be a pretty girl not any longer I wear baggy clothes to hide my so called figure my face is covered in spots ,bags under my eyes what happened to that happy funny pretty girl, she's gone.

OP posts:
engeika · 19/03/2015 20:27

I am with you OP. You are doing so well. Life is really very hard for people now. Not much to add yet as not feeling great today. As others say - be kind to yourself - you have achieved a lot.

Original poster
sauvignonrose192 · 19/03/2015 20:29

I'm sorry if you knew me you would know that I'm a lovely kind hearted person it's nice to have strangers reach out to you I'm very touched.

It's just tough I went to ask for help at the job center they said I may be entitled to jsa I could not face the paper work tbh they were not that helpful really.

OP posts:
Original poster
sauvignonrose192 · 19/03/2015 20:32

I'm sorry to hear that Engeika thank you for taking the time to reply and the kind words.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 19/03/2015 20:37

She's not gone, that happy funny pretty girl, she's just a bit overwhlemed at the moment.

Is there anything practical you could ask friends To help with? Even if it's just meeting up for a cuppa in town or a walk as suggested above. Or baby sitting so you and DP can spend a few together.

BMW6 · 19/03/2015 20:38

Be kind to yourself. Your physical self has taken a battering because of the stress, so of course you are not looking your best. It's a vicious circle - you feel crap, you think you look crap. you feel crapper etc etc.

Sleep is the best healer and best for your appearance, but I'd bet you are not sleeping well. Why not get an over the counter sleeping aid (Nytol?) for starters, and allow yourself an hour before bed to do some pampering. Baby steps OP, baby steps.

wheresthelight · 19/03/2015 20:47

sauvingon I digger depression and anxiety so I do understand how hard it can be and how daunting.

the jsa paperwork is all online so you cam fill it as and when you feel ready and honestly it really is easy! I found that the job centre were quite terse with people just walking in off the street but once I had all the paperwork etc they were brilliant sp please don't give up hope.

depending on your dp's earnings you may only be eligible for the contribution based bit but £74 a week is better than nothing and might just give you the breathing space you need.

Original poster
sauvignonrose192 · 19/03/2015 20:50

Not sleeping at all tbh I try but I just lay there thinking tossing and turning BMW6.

Thank you I'm going to tomorrow to the chemist and buy some bubble bath a face pack and a new nail polish??

OP posts:
sparechange · 19/03/2015 21:37

I don't have anything constructive to say, but just wanted to say it sounds like you are doing an amazing job in very challenging times.
You sound like a wonderful person, and I'm sure you'll get the old you back very soon Flowers

Aeroflotgirl · 19/03/2015 21:40

Flowers op, big hugs. People on here have some great advice

Original poster
sauvignonrose192 · 19/03/2015 21:48

Well at least I stopped crying, otherwise I would not of been able to read the thread.

I'm going to try and get some sleep later but playing with the cat at the moment , no doubt she will want a cuddle later.

Thank you all for the kind words it means alot??

OP posts:
flyinghogfish · 19/03/2015 21:57

Life can be challenging, and really push you to your limits. However where there are dips, peaks are sure to happen. Hang on in there, be kind to yourself, things will get better! Sending Flowers and Cake and a hug xx

flyinghogfish · 19/03/2015 21:59

And I just wanted to add, mumsnet is an amazing outlet to put out how you are feeling, I got so much support when I had to make the decision to have my dog pts and I will never forget that xx

Niklepic · 19/03/2015 22:07

I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. Everything always seems to happen at once. One day you think you're dealing with it all and the next you feel it all goes to shit. I go to that place pretty regularly. If you don't mind me asking, how long did you feel okay for before you stopped taking your antidepressants? I think my doctor recommended a clear six months of feeling before coming off them. I know you said they made you feel anxious but would another type help - obviously only if you want to of course.

On a completely different practical level (I know you probably already have) but have you given tax credits your predicted lower earnings for this year? They will update any award you get straight away and might help a little with your financial issues - every little helps and all that.

Niklepic · 19/03/2015 22:08

*feeling okay ^^