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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stood up with 10 minutes notice

30 replies

ScrambledEggAndToast · 18/03/2015 12:27

Just been stood up by a supposed friend for lunch with 10 minutes notice. She didn't even have the decency to make up an excuse Sad

I know I'm probably being unreasonable but don't most people at least make something up rather than just announcing they're not coming and making the other person feel like they've been dumped for a better offer Sad

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 18/03/2015 12:29

This person is not your friend. Proceed as though you know this and it won't be able to happen again. I would find it hard to forgive and forget something like this.

Fudgeface123 · 18/03/2015 12:29

What did she say?

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 18/03/2015 12:31

That's poo, really is. Had you arrived at the meeting place? I've been 'stood up' before -turned up, only to be texted 20 mins later with 'oh, can't make it soz'. Makes you feel like a right lemon. Ask her why and be firm with 'I can understand an emergency, anything else I'm sure you can give better than a few mins notice'.

BusyHomemaker · 18/03/2015 12:31

I have a friend with quite severe anxiety and she does this frequently, to the point where it's now expected by our friendship group. It's still a shitty thing to do though. How close are you? Could you chat with her about it? Ask if she's going through a difficult time because clearly there must be a reason for her to cancel on a friend at the last minute... if it's just that she's a selfish person perhaps you need to be wary of her in future and not arrange to meet her one on one.

Original poster
ScrambledEggAndToast · 18/03/2015 12:45

Luckily I hadn't left yet but it just said "sorry I can't come today x" Angry

OP posts:
notsolovely · 18/03/2015 12:51

She must have said why, even if its because I can be arsed.

notsolovely · 18/03/2015 12:52

Can't be arsed

Original poster
ScrambledEggAndToast · 18/03/2015 12:54

She didn't say why though, I quoted the text exactly.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 18/03/2015 12:54

I have done similar to a friend - it was because I'd just found out that my brother had OD'd and was fighting for his life in intensive care. Not the sort of thing you want to explain by text.

She never forgave me and I don't care. Clearly the friendship wasn't worth much if 1 slip in a crisis finished it off.

xiaozhu · 18/03/2015 13:01

Hmmm, I can see why you're pissed off. Have you asked her why though? Is there any chance she is having some sort of crisis, and didn't have time to give a proper explanation?

I think you need to ask her if everything's OK before jumping to conclusions.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 18/03/2015 13:04

We've all had friends like this - one of mine used to cancel 2 out of 3 lunch dates by email with only an hours notice, so I gave up on her. The final straw was when she pulled out of a business we had set up together by sending me an email. Didn't even have the courtesy to call me, let alone tell me to my face.
People are weird.
So if it is her usual behaviour, move on. If it the first time she's done it, give her the benefit of the doubt.

notsolovely · 18/03/2015 13:07

In that case yanbu

Original poster
ScrambledEggAndToast · 18/03/2015 13:10

I did send a text to try and find out why. All a bit odd. Not had a reply yet.

OP posts:
pbwer · 18/03/2015 14:38

What's a lemon?

YouMeddlingKids · 18/03/2015 14:41

It depends on what the friend is normally like... if I got that text off any of my current friends I'd assume that something awful had happened that they couldn't/ didn't have time to explain over text. However I've had friends in the past who I'd know just couldn't be bothered! Hope your friend is ok.

nikki1978 · 18/03/2015 14:48

It's a yellow sour fruit pbwer

engeika · 18/03/2015 14:48

Feeling like a lemon means feeling stupid, ridiculous a bit of an idiot.

I went out in my slippers - felt a right lemon!

He made a huge fuss over something and then realised he had got it wrong - looked like a complete lemon in front of everyone

Judydreamsofhorses · 18/03/2015 14:49

I used to (yes, used to) have a friend who cancelled at short notice a lot, or was constantly late for things. My final straw was a string of Saturdays where I'd wake up to 4am texts cancelling lunch - essentially she'd either had too much to drink for lunch, or had pulled - and I decided that the friendship was causing more hurt than pleasure. That wasn't about short notice, more about putting me firmly in my place on her priorities list! I stopped making arrangements with her, and we're no longer in contact.

Hissy · 18/03/2015 14:54

Just wait and see. you don't know the reason yet.

It might be serious.
What is your friend normally like? judge her on that, not the unknown.

FinnHuckleBerry · 18/03/2015 15:03

I knew the anxiety argument would have been said. Typical MN.

Original poster
ScrambledEggAndToast · 18/03/2015 15:03

Tbf, she's normally reliable. I guess it just got my back up the fact that I got so little notice and no explanation. But yes, it's true, for all I know a tragedy could have occurred Sad

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 18/03/2015 16:08

I'd wait until you know what's happened if she is usually reliable. If you don't hear anything later maybe another text just to say you hope she's all right.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 18/03/2015 16:11

If she is normally reliable, I'd ring her later and ask her if everything is OK. Because if she doesn't have form for this, most likely something happened on her end.

ChoochiWhoo · 18/03/2015 16:14

Yea just wait and see if she is normally a good mate

KellyElly · 18/03/2015 16:17

If she's normally reliable and this is a one off, it wouldn't bother me at all, even if the reason turns out to be trivial. If she made a habit of it, then I wouldn't bother with her.