to feel a bit disappointed in myself that i feel a need to look good to feel my most confident

[Whiteandbrownrabbit]

not like I don't go out without looking perfect or anything

just I thik, ive started to notice how much more confident I feel and how much nicer people are to me when I look good

I can be lazy somedays I just want to wear baggy/scruffy clothes and basically can't be arsed, put my hair up and wear my glasses

I think I should really feel just as confident when I don't look as good, but is this unrealistic

should I just try and embrace the fact that you can actually make yourself look a lot better with little effort really

I think you should stop over thinking it

If looking good makes you feel good (and it does more almost everyone) then go for it.

Life's too short not to have scruffy days and smart days whenever you feel like it.

*more = for

No YANBU - I would think most people feel more confident when they are smartly dressed/ well presented.

yes, maybe I am over thinking it
I suppose I just feel like I should feel just as confident when I look a mess, but I don't
perhaps my expectations are unrealistic

I think this makes you pretty normal.

I'm 42 and I really can't leave the house looking scruffy anymore. Cute youngsters can get away with it - not me!

I'm the same as you OP. I had to do something I was utterly dreading last Friday and I made sure I had a good face of warpaint on. It definitely boosted my confidence.

Nothing wrong with thinking about these things by the way, but you sound entirely normal to me

Nothing wrong with looking good..only on MN!
If i have unwashed hair, baggy clothes on etc I font feel good.More likely to slob around eating crap food.

Nah it's all pretty normal OP and this is a fairly insensitive bloke posting who didn't "get" this situation in the past.

Id definitely put my wife down as a self confident, content and happy person, but how well presented she is still has a huge impact on how she feels, even down to underwear that people can't see! (Before the usual suspects arrive telling me its a red flag and someone's seeing her pants i can assure you it isn't !)

So don't worry - tis very normal!

I am terrible because i dont need 'good' clothes on to feel good but i need 'new' ones. I get a lift and feel happy when i have 'new' clothes.(they can be buggy ones i dont mind as long as they are new) different colours etc.

Usually,
what about yourself?

ok shall just try and accept it then

I don't feel better about myself when I'm dressed up, just more uncomfortable. I wondered what was wrong with me that dressing up doesn't give me more confidence. The grass isn't that much greener on this side, either...

well I don't really mean dressed up, like all dolled up in dresses etc, just mean smart jeans and nice tops etc, rather than scuffy baggy stuff and hair tied up etc
do you mean dressed up dressed up?

No, OP, I think you're right to interrogate the look good/feel good equation. Men suffer far less from this, mostly because there's far onus on them to look conventionally attractive all the time. I think it feeds into a general, damaging social scrutiny on female grooming and self-presentation, rather than on what any particular woman is saying or doing.

I doubt George Osborne gave two seconds' thought to his suit and tie combo today. A female chancellor with the same job, under the same pressure, carrying the same red briefcase, with the same important speech, would be all too aware that her blowdry and outfit would be noted and commented on, potentially detracting from her speech.

Sorry, that sounded sweepingly condematory. All I meant is that 'look good/feel good' isn't an individual, spontaneous 'I'm doing it for me' decision. It happens in the context of a society with a disproportionate focus on female looks and grooming, and is forced upon us, at some level. Part of the reason we feel good when we look good is because we're obeying the 'rules'.

I don't blame anyone for doing it - it's a rare woman who never does it, ime - but it's a socially-enforced situation, and a gendered one.

I agree with Tapwater. YANBU for feeling that way because society tels you that you need to look good. I know logically I just as good parent/useful/kind/ intelligent when I am scruffy as when I have "made an effort". But people react differently to you which in turn affects your confidence. It's also very gender specific.

Look at usuallylurking's post. He doesn't say he feels that way (although I am sure there is a bit of it for men) he points to his wife's behaviour.

I don't give a damn what I look like when I go out and it in no way affects my confidence.

I think in the media we see a very standard picture of what a successful woman looks like - usually slim, well groomed and wearing smart clothes. So you feel confident if you think you're channelling Keira Knightly / Jennifer Aniston / Hillary Clinton or whoever suits your fancy. There are fewer women in the media who look less glam and are successful - honestly the only woman I can think of is Angela Merkel and she's hardly a slob, just not glamorous.

Of course blokes can be successful and look like complete scruff bags so it's less of an issue for them - just slap on a suit and you fit in pass as "smart" very easily.

YABU. Looking good is, for most people, hugely important to self esteem and confidence. The better you look, the better you feel - that's pretty human.

I'm the same. I always try to look my best. Today, however, I've got my hair up and a spot brewing. A man in the shop commented on how I've got my hands full with 3 young kids, but that they're gorgeous, and I went bright red! If I thought I looked nice I'm pretty sure I'd have been fine...

Always just FEEL yuk if my hair is greasy. Don't know if thats a conditioned response TapW? Could be. But its certainly ingrained.

I can't see myself (unless I stand in front of a mirror) so I don't really understand the look good, feel good thing. I've been scruffy all my life and can't see it changing now. How confident, or not, I feel has nothing to do with what I'm wearing or makeup or hair - it's how I feel inside.

But if it does it for you, then go with it. We all have our confidence boosts and tricks.

Looking good is, for most people, hugely important to self esteem and confidence. The better you look, the better you feel - that's pretty human.

That's not really true for me, though. I generally feel about as confident (or not) about myself if I'm wearing a 10 year old T-shirt as I do if I'm dressed for work. I don't wear the 10 year old T-shirts to work, but I would if I thought I could get away with it- then I wouldn't have to do laundry as often.

I definitely feel better when I look better. I have my hair scraped up and no make up on today and generally just feel a bit bleh. I don't feel ready to face the day properly! I'm a SAHM to a toddler and 24 weeks pregnant so look a bit crappy most of the time at the moment and it definitely affects my mood. So YABU to be disappointed in yourself, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I did say most people, geekymommy - of course there will be some people that doesn't apply to. But I still think it's the norm.