AIBU to think train officers should be better with dealing with a vulnerable child?

[slw95xx]

Hiya all,
I have a younger sister who is nearly 16, she turns 16 on the 11th of next month so only a couple of weeks really. she is not in school due to mental health problems. she has suffered with depression and social anxiety which made it better for my sister to be taught at home with a tutor. Anyhow, My sister isn't too bad anxiety wise anymore thanks to CBT but can suffer with feeling "like she's being looked at" or "attacked" if a stranger invades her space or draws intention to her (Where she will usually slink into a corner and avoid being noticed) yesterday she came to visit me, its a 25-35 minute train journey. she buys her ticket from the machine, goes to the platform and gets the train, then gets off and meets me at the other end and then we walk to my place. she has never had a problem with this before. I used to do the route with her when she started (12-18 months ago) but she was confident enough to do it alone and to be honest I couldn't afford to get a train ticket from my town to the city to get her, another train to bring her back, a train to drop her off and then a train to get myself home as it was costing me £20 per two way journey and money is tight atm. anyways,I've waffled on enough (I just dont wanna leave any important info out)
My sister tried to buy her ticket as normal but the machine was only accepting card payment (which obvs she doesn't have) so had to go and actually speak to someone in the booth, which is a big step for her. she bought the ticket and was asked if she was buying it for herself or someone else, she answered his question honestly and went on her way. by the time she got to the stairs to walk to the platform 1 male and 1 female revenue protection (?) officers approached her. the man asked if he could see her ticket. she handed over her ticket while asking why he needed to see it as no one had asked her before. He asked her age and she told him. he then told her she looked considerably older than 15. He walked her to the platform and sat on a bench,by this time the lady had disappeared. he started asking her questions (I believe the latter are what was asked)
"What school do you go to?"
"Why aren't you in school?"
"Whats your mothers phone number?"
"Where do you live?" now these are fair enough questions even if he did seem to be bombarding her a little. she then told him she is home schooled which is why she isnt in school today.
he then asked her why she was home-schooled (non of your business!) she explained that she had social anxiety and would rather do this elsewhere (I.e a waiting room or somewhere private) as he was making her feel extremely unsettled. He ignored this request. she tried to answer his questions but could barely think let alone talk so couldnt come out with much. he gave her a clipboard with a sheet of questions on it (Just name,age,DOB, address) she filled it out and he disappeared back downstairs with it. He then came up and said that her postcode doesn't check out with her address. she then explained that she lives in an area that is named after another place and if he checked out the street name with postcode he would see that. he asks her to write it down again, she doesn't want to as she's already done it once and he keeps asking her questions which is making her feel increasingly upset. by this time she was really struggling to think properly as her anxiety had kicked in tenfold. she walked into the waiting area and sat on the floor trying to regain control over her breathing. the revenue officer walked in again and continued to ask questions (I.e "can you confirm your postcode can you confirm your birth month") at this point she lost it, told him to fuck off and ran into the ladies toilet where she bolted herself in for 20 minutes. upon leaving she saw the revenue officer talking to the ticket person that was later on her train, the revenue officer very obviously pointed her out to the ticket person but neither approached her.
AIBU to think they should have handled things better for a child with anxiety (When they know this?)
AIBU to think she should've been taken somewhere quiet and private to talk?
AIBU to consider filing a complaint against the railway? I don't want money or anything like that but an apology and revisions of their guidelines wouldn't go amiss.

I should add that she completed her journey without any bother, but was shaking when she reached me at the other end and could barely even talk. I spent a good 15 minutes with her in the waiting room trying to calm her down(I live in a rural area with a tiny train station so the waiting room is damn near always empty). I eventually calmed her down but she wasn't quite right after getting back to mine, staring into space and shaking too much to text my mum (to let her know she'd gotten here ok).
I'm actually really upset that someone pushed her into being in that state after she asked for adjustments to be made.

The situation sounds as if it was extremely stressful for your sister, and she did well to hold it together for as long as she did in the circumstances.

I'd write to the rail company concerned, explaining in detail what you have here. The staff involved appear to need some awareness training, as essentially they've ignored a very clear explanation of their customer's needs and consequently caused her considerable distress.

I hope that her next trip to you is less eventful. I'm sure you can come up with strategies to deal with such a scenario in hindsight. You are clearly a lovely supportive sister

marriednotdead- yes she will be buying adult tickets from now on, for the sake of a few weeks of paying half price its not worth the hassle. thank you, I will start typing up a letter soon x

I agree with married, but I'm surprised that your DSis didn't phone you to intervene. When DS was taking trains to begin with, if the machine was broken, he had a card with what he wanted written on it so that he didn't have to speak or remember in a stressful situation.
Likewise, he'd phone me if things went wrong and he didn't know what to do next.
The intrusive officer was probably checking for truancy, and being a child, unaccompanied and not in school whould have ticked a lot of boxes. It was badly handled. Perhaps you could make her an information card to show if she feels under attack, with a few necessary details. Something like the Autism Awareness cards that many on the spectrum carry for just such situations when interacting with those who haven't had disability awareness training.
Here's an example:
www.autism.org.uk/card

Hag I will look into it. My DSis's phone died because she forgot to charge it and couldn't find her notepad (containing my number and my mothers numbers) she is very disorganized unfortunately but from now on I will be making sure she can get hold of me. I was getting worried as she didnt get off the train she was supposed to (on account of being in the toilets for 20 minutes) she was on the one due 10min later so i wasnt waiting long but it did put the fear of god in my heart when i couldnt get hold of her.

slw95xx, from how you have told the story, it sounds as though your DS did astoundingly well under extremely difficult circumstances. She has a huge amount to be proud of, though of course it would be better if she hadn't had to go through this in the first place. But she ought to hear that the way she dealt with a difficult situation was nothing short of amazing, and a tribute to how far she has come and the huge amount of work she must have put in to managing her mental state. to both of you

I'm not in the UK so I'm not sure what is available, but is there some form of official ID she can get to carry with her? Our post office has a service called Keypass -18 for kids under 18 who need photo ID.

I would also look at making up some laminated cards which state that they need to contact yourself, your mother or any other relevant numbers. She could hand that card over if needed for them to contact you.

I also found a few sites by googling 'identity card homeschool' and there's a few sites that seem to offer homeschooling ID cards, so that might help with the truancy allegations.

Thank you Home, I am extremely proud of her. My mum put alot of effort into telling her what to say in a situation where she feels threatened or like her privacy is being invaded (when she was younger she would become aggressive) she followed it to a T and unfortunately it still didn't work I just hope this doesn't set her back at all (As this is the first time she has had to deal with something like this) xx

Your sister should not have to buy adult tickets. Maybe get her to carry some form of ID for the next few weeks (one of my DDs had a similar problem with revenue inspectors doubting her age at 15 so carried ID). And make sure the incident is reported. If nothing else, the revenue inspector concerned needs some additional training as he handled the situation very badly. I have always escalated when one of my DCs has been dealt with inappropriately by transport staff, police etc and pretty much always got a positive result.

I'm sure you're worried about it setting her back, and maybe she's worried about it too. That's why I was suggesting trying to get her to re-frame the whole thing in positive terms: she was confronted by a very trying set of circumstances and she did brilliantly. Even random internet strangers think so! While the outcome wasn't perfect, that was down to how other people behaved: she controlled what she could control, which was how she reacted; that's more than most of us can manage! I hope she comes out of this stronger. xx

Your poor sister

Rail officials don't need to write up a PhD on hidden disabilities - just a bit of basic awareness which should be part of their training.

Hermiadream (i wont even tell you what i read your name as) no she doesnt have a letter or any form of identification to carry around, she has used trains to come see me for about 12-18 months (the first 6 months sporadically, regularly from a year ago) and done so alone for the last 6-7 months and has never been questioned, maybe because she used the machines to purchase tickets i dont know.

ProudAS, I completely agree. I wouldn't expect anyone to have an inside and out knowledge of anxiety, but it is disturbing to see in 21st century that someone who hasn't got 20/20 mental health can be forced into distress, I can't even say ignorance is to blame really though, as in my opinion she made it extremely obvious that she needed to be taken somewhere more private (he was doing this on the platform with people sat either side of them)

I'm so sorry this happened to your sister. We too use the autism card, it's very useful. I also arm dds with a note that says please don't ask me questions, here is my mother's mobile number. Don't know if that's a help.

I would write and complain to the rail company.
Second I know some local Autism areas have a card - you could look it up/or your local police might know about one.
Then you could use one or design something similar for her. Laminate it, make several and make sure she is always carrying one. It could have numbers to contact on one side.

Its not she has done anything wrong, its just it might help in future.

I have a DD who copes very well, but if things go wrong - she struggles to cope. I really need to get on top of such strategies for her as she gets older.

Thing is, if the officer had caught a 16 year old on the wrong ticket who was bunking off school, they would probably have looked unsettled and anxious too, so the unsympathetic manner could have come from that.

A card detailing her issues would be an excellent idea.

Truancy or being a runaway is another thought.

Laminated card is a good idea.

I dont think the inspectors did anything wrong either, they did not handle it badly at all, they werent to know she was genuine a child and had MH problems, rather than someone trying to get away with a childs ticket and panicking because they had been caught.
Stations often have inspectors either on the train or at the station, its perfectly normal. The amount of times i have seen passengers lying to them about their age or address etc is unbelievable and it must be very wearing for them.
Your sister was lucky that she hasnt been stopped before, because in my area the inspectors can sometimes be at the station or on the train twice a week then go for a few months without seeing them.
Just explain to her that these people were just doing their job, making sure every has paid for their journey, and as others said give her a card that explains the situation.

I think ultimately her behaviour was the same as someone who was trying to break the rules, from the point of the railway staff. The onus needs to be on her (and you as her family) to support her. So that means getting ID, making up a card with contact details etc. in a couple of weeks she won't really be a child anymore, you need to try to raise her to function as an adult.

Agree with Bruffin

I would also think they may not allowed to take a minor into a side room privately, due to safeguarding issues.

The amount of times i have seen passengers lying to them about their age or address etc is unbelievable and it must be very wearing for them.

The amount of times I have seen passengers being accused of lying about the ticket office being closed/ticket machines not working etc is unbelievable and it must be very wearing for them.

Ticket inspectors are paid to deal with fare evasion. They are not truancy officers and they should not treat everyone like they are a criminal. Their attitude stinks a lot of the time.

Not the regular guards - they are very different and in most cases (there will always be one who lets the side down) would have been very sympathetic in this case. I agree with having something that says she is home-schooled though. ID too - in London 11-16 year olds need ID to get child fares I believe.

Yes write to them, but write to Passenger Focus as well, because otherwise you will get a letter full of platitudes from a badly trained customer service person who hasn't even read your letter properly. I think there is also a group which campaigns for better treatment of those with disabilities on the railways, so maybe contact them as well.

dd used to travel on the train a lot when she was under 16, and was often treated quite unpleasantly by the Revenue Protection people. They always assume guilt rather than innocence- and can be really horrible.

I photocopied her passport, shrank it down to credit card size and laminated it so she would always have proof of her dob with her. Problem solved.

The organisation I was thinking of is: www.transportforall.org.uk