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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh should stay in and host?

32 replies

Delatron · 17/03/2015 17:36

I have had real, proper, can't get out of bed Flu since Friday. Dh has invited his friend (who is looking for work) to stay, he arrived yesterday. This wasn't ideal but I said I couldn't do any of the normal hosting/cleaning and he needs to look after him. Dh has now announced he is off out on a client dinner tonight and said friend will be back here at 7pm.

I can barely cook the kids tea let alone be sociable. I just want to lie on the sofa, watch crap TV and ride this out. AIBU to think Dh should cancel this client dinner and come home and look after his friend? He says I am being uncharitable.....he also says he'll tell him to go to the cinema which makes me look like an unfriendly witch. His friend is lovely by the way but I feel like crap and can barely speak..

OP posts:
Hobby2014 · 17/03/2015 17:39

He should pay for a take out for you both. If you genuinely get on ok with the guy that is.

cashewnutty · 17/03/2015 17:41

Reading between the lines i am assuming this friend is staying for a while if he is looking for work so it's not a one night only visit and have some dinner scenario?

I think in this case it is fine for your DH to go to his client dinner as i assume this is part of his work. Lovely friend arrives, you tell him you are ill so he will have to fend for himself. Point him in the direction of a takeaway and let him get on with it. If he is as lovely as you say he is he won't mind. He may even help you to entertain your DC's.

rookiemere · 17/03/2015 17:44

Sorry but YABU. It's DH's home too and as his friend arrived yesterday he already knows that you are ill and also that DH has a work commitment tonight.

If he asks his friend to go to the cinema - and presumably sort himself out with something to eat beforehand - then you're hardly going to see him.

Original poster
Delatron · 17/03/2015 17:45

Thanks guys. Yes I think it is for a few days. I just wanted my own space to feel like death and not have to be sociable and it seemed a bit much that Dh was just leaving us to it. I am sure he will be happy with a takeaway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Delatron · 17/03/2015 17:47

Ok maybe the Flu is sending me delirious! I have told him not to go to the cinema as I would feel mean. I was just planning on watching trashy TV and not talking all evening.

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mayfridaycomequickly · 17/03/2015 17:47

I disagree - yanbu. His friend has come (presumably) to see him - DH should of course stay in to host!

I wouldn't be impressed if DH's friend came to stay and he buggered off out if I was well (and I'm fairly sociable)

Original poster
Delatron · 17/03/2015 17:50

Thanks mayfriday those were my sentiments exactly. He's invited him to stay and now he is going out. I think even if I was well I would struggle with it.

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rookiemere · 17/03/2015 17:51

I get the impression that the visit is social, but also he is using the house as a base whilst he looks for work. Therefore status is not really that of a visitor and why I think the OP should take her DH up on the offer of telling friend to go to the cinema. I honestly don't think a bloke would think anything of it, other than shrug his shoulders and trot off.

coppertop · 17/03/2015 17:52

YANBU.

It's spectacularly selfish to invite someone to stay when your wife is ill, and then bugger off out and leave her to do all the work.

RedToothBrush · 17/03/2015 17:57

Friend should fed for themselves. You are already doing them a favour. In fact friend should chip in and make you dinner.

Bakeoffcake · 17/03/2015 17:57

YANBU.

If you werent ill, it would be ok for him to attend a client dinner. As you are poorlyl, he needs to take care of his friend.

Original poster
Delatron · 17/03/2015 17:57

He refuses/says he can't cancel the client dinner and is just saying 'what can I do?' I feel bad about making the friend go the cinema!

I think it is selfish too coppertop. He just says he told friend he would be out but he had nowhere else to stay..

OP posts:
notsolovely · 17/03/2015 18:01

Is he staying a few weeks, months or days? If he is staying for a few weeks or months, surely you expected to have to be alone with him. Unfortunate that you are ill though. You say client dinner, is it important to dhs job? There's lots to consider before I can decide.

expatinscotland · 17/03/2015 18:01

You are ill. He shouldn't have asked the friend over at all. And he should host him. Send him to cinema.

Original poster
Delatron · 17/03/2015 18:01

I think friend would actually make me dinner and he did entertain my children for an hour last night. I just want to be alone! And angry with Dh. Feel a bit sorry for the friend, it's not his fault. I think friend will probably fix his own dinner/make me something and I will continue to be angry with Dh and go to bed early!

OP posts:
InfinitySeven · 17/03/2015 18:01

You can't cancel a client dinner on the day... It's poor form.

YANBU but DP isn't either, he has to go. Friend will need to find for himself. Do you have a bedroom TV? Can you just explain you are feeling rubbish and retire there?

Original poster
Delatron · 17/03/2015 18:03

I think a few more days. Definitely no longer. Very close friend of Dh. I did expect to be alone with friend at times but not for a whole evening, well or not.

Client dinner important part of Dh's work, he knew he had this in the diary when he invited friend to stay.

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Original poster
Delatron · 17/03/2015 18:05

Yes I think I'll just retire early. Not sure whether to continue my anger towards Dh or just let it go..

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TheWintersmith · 17/03/2015 18:05

It is spectacularly selfish to invite someone round the fuck off out and make your Ill spouse deal with it.

Dont feel you have to host so your dH dosent look bead. He looks bad anyway.
It's probabl bette that friend goes to cinema. I think in that position, if I were the friend I'd rather be warned in advance and go to the cinema than spend all evening with someone who is clearly feeling shite bit pretending to make small talk, either way I'd think dh was a bit of a dick for double booking, bit at leat I would be spared sitting with someone who really should be in bed.

Original poster
Delatron · 17/03/2015 18:07

He told me this morning friend was going out for a drink with another friend so it wasn't going to be a problem. Now this has clearly changed. Friend is trying not to be a nuisance and be helpful I think I'll feel guilty sending him off to the cinema. Maybe I'll try and have another non-shouty chat with Dh.

OP posts:
notsolovely · 17/03/2015 18:10

So the friends plans changed? Yabu and yanbu. Because you are ill and its not what you need right now. But I don't see how its dhs fault if the friend had plans now doesn't.

Original poster
Delatron · 17/03/2015 18:13

I think Dh was trying to encourage him to have plans to get him out of the way, much like the cinema idea. I think the drinks were Dh's idea

OP posts:
FishWithABicycle · 17/03/2015 18:16

DH's friend should make dinner and look after the kids. Least he can do.

VanitasVanitatum · 17/03/2015 18:20

Maybe he can't avoid the client dinner though, I have dinners like that sometimes. I agree with explaining and handing over take away menus.

JennyBlueWren · 17/03/2015 18:44

Depending on your relationship with DH's friend could you ask him to get a takeaway and help look after you and the children? I know my DH's friends would help out like that if they were visiting and we were in need.