about wanting to do things with the DCs without DP in the holidays...is DP being a baby?

[unlucky83]

The DCs (14 and 8) would love to visit a special attraction in the UK. But we live miles away, we would have to stay overnight in a hotel and the train fare alone (with a railcard) would be around £200. Entry to the attraction about £100. It is going to cost the best part of £400 for 2 adults and 2 DCs. A lot - we can afford it - but it seems too extravagant.
DP can't take holiday during the school holidays so would only be off for 2 days (in the week) at the most.
But if only one adult went with them (and DP has no interest in visiting the attraction) it would be £100+ cheaper -still a lot ... but as a special treat....
then maybe seeing as a big part of the expense is the travel, we could maybe think about staying an extra night and having a day trip to London (where DP and I used to live). I thought we could go in the week in the Easter half term.
Also it looks like (as usual) DCs and I will be going to visit my parents anyway - so we will be closer and the travel should be less from there (if we drive to my parents we could maybe drive to the attraction from there - would still need an overnight stay but it would be a good opportunity...)
DP is furious - he wants to go, feels excluded etc. How dare I even think of taking them somewhere like that without him!
I suggested he take the DCs just for 2 days on his own so with travel time just to the attraction really and I'll stay home. That isn't good enough -the DCs might be upset about me missing out (I do have more interest in the attraction than DP -but could take or leave it)

I have to say this is a bit final straw ish He usually works at the weekend and have already realised it limits what I do with the DCs because if we go anywhere a bit different and have a good time he gets stroppy. He finishes work at about 1pm - so to do anything special we are supposed to wait until he comes home - but you can't have a day trip somewhere a distance away starting at 1pm! I do sympathise - but still think he is being a bit of a baby about it...
(And we didn't have a holiday at all last summer because he couldn't get time off - wasn't even happy when I suggested a caravan somewhere not far away so he could join us on his days off...)

I am just wondering, OP, how much fun your DP is when you do all go on family trips together. Your posts about him suggest to me a man who considers himself to be the most important person in the family, so trips have to revolve around his needs and his choices, and if Daddy isn't having a good time, the trip gets aborted or cancelled.

I take the kids away without DH all the time. He doesn't get a lot of annual leave and it is a much cheaper doing stuff with only one adult. I think it's fine.

You still need a passport for internal flights, shouldn't as was idea if open Europe wide travel etc, but airlines won't accept any other ID, not even forces identity cards which used to be accepted. (Unless with forces travel voucher, then will sometimes accept)

He's being a baby, tell him to grow up or changed his job if he cant bare you going and doing things without him

No you don't. I flew on an internal UK flight in 2011 after my passport had expired.

Does this man own a set of testicles?

You do not need a passport to fly internally you need photo id- which can include expired passport. This was tried and tested last week when we organised flight from scotland for elderly aunt with no passport (flybe)

Ryanair demand a passport for internal flights. All the others accept photo Id.

Ok - the railfare is that much with a railcard - which I already have...
Cheapest flights are Ryanair!!!
It was just over 10 yrs ago when he could walk out of the consulate with a new passport so things might be different now - don't want to chance it...
Can't find any reference to how long before internal flights you have to arrive...looks like flying will be a teeny bit cheaper and maybe save a couple of hours (once we have got to and from the airports etc) depending on how long you have to arrive before.
The not being much fun - I've thought more the whole thing - he isn't controlling but does get bored and if he is we know he is - usually he will start messing around. Which entertains the DCs...but it also can spoil or rather make them miss things...I guess like a class clown. Eg years ago with DD1 we went to Egypt...our guide (very good) was describing something to us and had DD1's complete attention, DP was bored...he started distracting her...she did enjoy playing but she could have done that later, she will probably never have that opportunity again....I don't know if that makes sense. But I can see him in what is more or less a HP museum bored mindless and not giving the DCs chance to look at everything they would want to... (DD1 just diagnosed with ADHD -from completing the assessment I am sure DP has it too)
He does lack the confidence to be more assertive with his boss- does need to grow a pair and also there is some weird pride thing going on about not asking for favours - drives me insane. He is never late, never sick, gets on with and is good at his job, keeps his head down ...I'd employ him... and they struggle with retaining staff (not surprising really). I think (if the chef has any sense) DP could get more leeway - but he won't even ask...
And being a chef is not conducive with family life!!! My first chef when I started training told me not to do it for a whole host of reasons -and a high rate of divorce was one (he did get divorced about 6 years later). DP is now a breakfast chef so at least gets to the see the DCs every evening after school - whereas before he often didn't. (When he had the restaurant he only saw DD1 (awake) after school one day a week). And as to the corporate type job - he got offered one about 4 yrs ago - 9-5, Mon-Fri, school hols - and he turned it down because he knew he wouldn't like working there - so another reason I have less sympathy for him....
Giving him time to think about it and then will talk to him again...

harry potter hotel plus entrance from £43 per person

I received this as an email earlier and thought of you.

Thanks! That looks interesting...
Bit stuck at the moment cos I've been waiting for an appt for a scan since Nov - and now I have one it is right in the middle of the week we planned to go...trying to rearrange it without having to wait another 4 months...(need someone else not to be able to make their appt and be able to take mine - right in the middle of the Easter Hols...not promising!)
Still haven't broached it again with DP....

Going back to the original question OP, I'm genuinely surprised at how many people think dh was not being unreasonable to be upset about not going along! To actively not want you to go if he couldn't go? WTF!

My dh is many things but he's not a selfish, stroppy kid who doesn't want me or the kids to have a good time if he's not included.

Now I'm actually the one who works FT, he's SAHD. If he takes them out for the day without me I'm delighted for them all.

in turn I often take them exciting places when I have time off work and at the weekends. I've taken them abroad without him and done millions of day trips to theme parks and museums without him.

I didn't think grown people resented others having fun.

There are some deals that include a family room, two days entry. And a lot of cerials do two for ones. Then apart from the train fare it would cost no more. I would be happy for them but sad too if my family went without me.

Blimey! Im glad I'm not married to him!
I take my kids all over the place on my own, dh works loads of weekends so if I didn't do that we'd hardly ever have days out or weekends away.
I've just bought a Campervan so I can go away more!!
What do you do in the school holidays op? Only have a day out when he's off work?
He sounds selfish!

Do you have a car?
Driving is easier with several passengers.
Leave evening and drive through the evening to avoid traffic, or early morning. Eurotunnel to N France and camp (via HPotter).

Just seems easier to me.

Norah Driving ...nooooooo
One of my DCs gets car sick...she also has ADHD ..tis hard work driving long distances with her unless we get frequent breaks...
And DP (who I suspect from doing the assessments for DD1 also has ADHD) is a nightmare passenger...gets bored and is worse for the children for 'are we nearly there yet?' Also if you get stuck behind something slow moving he will keep saying 'I would have got past then' etc - the closest I've come to an accident in 20 yrs was when I overtook just to make him shut up...
And he isn't the best driver in the world (lots of minor bumps) but to be fair he did manage to stop us getting squashed by a lorry that didn't see us and pulled out into us once. If he drives I spend the whole time a nervous wreck... I do get him to drive overseas though - he learned on that side of the road!

Unless one of us has a knock out injection before we leave I doubt we'd both make it there alive

Don't understand why you said "nooooooo" to Norah's suggestion that you drive, Op, especially given that earlier in the thread you said

"if we drive to my parents we could maybe drive to the attraction from there - would still need an overnight stay but it would be a good opportunity...".

Could it be that you simply say "nooooooo" to every possible suggestion that might allow your DP to accompany you and the children, on this trip?

I can handle driving to my parents with the DCs ...it does take a long time...maybe 6.5 hrs for the 300miles. We have 5 or 6 stops - mainly to to get fresh air for car sick DD. Last time we did that drive with DP I said never again...
He started moaning about being bored after less than an hour ..even DD1 normally lasts for the first 1.5 hrs. And that started the DCs off - it took over 7 hrs ..with extra stops etc...
And I can distract the DCs with things like we are nearly at the border (yep we are Scotland whoever said that up thread) - keep a look our for the sign, is it just up this hill or is it the next one? (we cheer when we go past - both ways!) They know the services we normally stop at and so I can say its about x miles so so many minutes to 'our services' and they don't point out there are some before and want to stop...and he is restless and fidgets and can't sit still - it is distracting - last time we had an argument about him moving in his seat - he does these massive shifts in his seat and at 70mph for a second you think the steering has gone funny and panic ... and coming back, twisty A roads in the dark and he kept saying can you not go any faster? Yes I could - if you want to end up in the hedge. .... that was 2 yrs ago and it will take me at least that again to get over that nightmare (I did think about sending him back on the train...)
Really that's not an excuse...it really is a nooooooooooo.