about wanting to do things with the DCs without DP in the holidays...is DP being a baby?

[unlucky83]

The DCs (14 and 8) would love to visit a special attraction in the UK. But we live miles away, we would have to stay overnight in a hotel and the train fare alone (with a railcard) would be around £200. Entry to the attraction about £100. It is going to cost the best part of £400 for 2 adults and 2 DCs. A lot - we can afford it - but it seems too extravagant.
DP can't take holiday during the school holidays so would only be off for 2 days (in the week) at the most.
But if only one adult went with them (and DP has no interest in visiting the attraction) it would be £100+ cheaper -still a lot ... but as a special treat....
then maybe seeing as a big part of the expense is the travel, we could maybe think about staying an extra night and having a day trip to London (where DP and I used to live). I thought we could go in the week in the Easter half term.
Also it looks like (as usual) DCs and I will be going to visit my parents anyway - so we will be closer and the travel should be less from there (if we drive to my parents we could maybe drive to the attraction from there - would still need an overnight stay but it would be a good opportunity...)
DP is furious - he wants to go, feels excluded etc. How dare I even think of taking them somewhere like that without him!
I suggested he take the DCs just for 2 days on his own so with travel time just to the attraction really and I'll stay home. That isn't good enough -the DCs might be upset about me missing out (I do have more interest in the attraction than DP -but could take or leave it)

I have to say this is a bit final straw ish He usually works at the weekend and have already realised it limits what I do with the DCs because if we go anywhere a bit different and have a good time he gets stroppy. He finishes work at about 1pm - so to do anything special we are supposed to wait until he comes home - but you can't have a day trip somewhere a distance away starting at 1pm! I do sympathise - but still think he is being a bit of a baby about it...
(And we didn't have a holiday at all last summer because he couldn't get time off - wasn't even happy when I suggested a caravan somewhere not far away so he could join us on his days off...)

I don't think he has to be a Harry Potter fan, or even have read the books, in order to get genuine pleasure in watching his children's excitment while doing something that is a huge treat for them! That is real family stuff, and it seems (to me) that your plan will squeeze him out from that.

As to then going to the old 'stomping ground' that you and he shared ... what are you going to say to your children there? "This is the area that daddy and I had so much fun together in, but I didn't think he should come with us, because then we couldn't use the 100 pounds on going to see granny and grandad". Because you will spend that extra 100, Op, one way or the other.

Sorry, I still think you are being unreasonable.

For this particular trip, I would try to work it so he comes too since he can, for once, take the time off. However, I wouldn't continue to wait around till 1pm to do anything on weekends. The rest of you have lives to live too - are you supposed to put them on hold until he retires? And I wouldn't go without a holiday this year either if the only barrier to it is his working schedule.

Could you do the tour as the start or end to your big holiday?

As you'll have gone to the expense of getting to London it would give you far more airport options and hence flight choices and with the possibility of the Sat, Sunday plus the mon- mon you've got a fair bit of flexibility. It'd make it a bigger holiday too.

It isn't the £100 as much as the limit to 2 days and trying to fit in trains etc - just over £200 is the cheapest train return we can do - it could be £400! It all becomes a bit of a nightmare to try and do more than just the tour and a morning of sightseeing (we would have to stay overnight)
And he couldn't travel separately cos then he would lose the railcard discount....which is worth quite a bit
Have been looking at the options for hours now (which pisses me off even more) but thanks to mis I've looked at flights for part of the way and sadly they are cheaper than the train and take just over an hour...BUT I know from past experience we have to get to and from the airports which is going to add on quite a bit of time and expense ...(also DP's passport has expired - as an EU citizen it isn't that straight forward and have been nagging him since Christmas to get it sorted - he has an appointment with the consulate less than a week before we would be looking to go so I couldn't book flights in advance in case there is a delay in him getting one) But also looking at holidays flying from London and that is a definite possibility...much more choice except it might take some of the excitement, the 'specialness' away from the experience tacked onto their big holiday...
My head hurts!!!

YANBU

Why should the kids miss out. I honestly wouldn't mind dp taking ours. The house to myself ,TV, quiet, shit food, wine - bliss.

He is being a nobber.

Our family of 4 visited London last summer. Dh attended a conference and myself and 2 DDs tagged along. Myself and the DDs headed to HP and really enjoyed it. DH was delighted we enjoyed it and enjoyed chatting to DDs afterwards about their experience there, and he would not have dreamed of sulking because he was stuck in conference while we made the trip, even though he has watched all the movies with the DC and would have really enjoyed the experience too.

Myself and DDs also head off on sun holidays without DH. Sun holidays are not his thing, but again, he is happy that DDs and I have a lovely time.

I'd play the 'so are you really saying that the children can't have this experience because you can't????' card... And asking him to consider a more family friendly job if he wants to be involved in all your activities.
(And I'd have serious words about sulking about missing weekend activities. I'd just let him sulk).

Also, if you take out travel insurance, would you be covered if DH has passport problems? If so, I'd just book, and go without him if needs be.

But since he has passport already and only needs renewal, can he not just renew by post? We were able to do this in America as Irish citizens... (through Irish Consulate). While I know that is not possible for American citizens in Europe, I would have thought that it is possible for other EU countries within EU.

Anyway, yeah, I think he IBU, and a big baby too. And he is putting his 'wants' before that of his DC. In such circumstances, most adults will put the children first and take back seat if needed to give the DC good experiences.

I feel for you both it's a rubbish situation. However if if were me I would take them without him. Your DH shouldn't want to prevent the kids from having fun and surely he sees the practical issues?!

In terms of a domestic flight.. Do you need a passport? Think a driving license is suffice? May be wrong!

Whatever happens... Take the kids to HP studios if you can. It's brilliant!

I think yanbu. Im in the same position. Dp works nights in a really shit supermarket job and only has 2 nights off in the week. His shift never get the holidays they want as day staff get them first. Dp doesnt like it that I go off and do stuff with the kids sometimes but its tough they are not missing out because he cant get off his arse and look for a better job.

However he wouldnt begrudge them a trip or stop us from going if needs be.

I reckon your dp needs to grow a pair and either start looking for a job thats family friendly or suck it up.

Sorry dh

I understand why your dp is upset, I would be too but I wouldn't want the children to miss out.
Could your dp just go to the attraction with you and then travel back and you go visit parents etc without him?

I don't understand.
You claim you can't go abroad in the summer anyway, becasue of the mon-mon timing, and you can afford neither of you to work for the next ten years, so really there is no issue with the odd £100 here or there, is there?

Why don't you move this big trip to the summer holiday and really make the most of it with your whole family? Do the whole HP, London thing - you could easily spend a week together enjoying each other's company, old stomping grounds etc etc, instead of wasting your lives moaning and bickering and trying to persuade yourself that it's fine to do special stuff with a family member missing out for no reason other than you are being tight and precious.

The pair of you need to sit down and discuss what you want with this here one life you get. Exclusion for no good reason and bitching about his work is a waste of everyone's emotional energy.

Particularly when you have no financial reason to stick with the status quo...

Yanbu. He's being a big baby, especially considering he limits what you do most weekends.

Just go together in the week he has off if money not so much of an object organise holiday with scheduled daily flights rather than package,
It seems odd to make a fuss about going alone and him not wanting to and you knowing he had first week of school holidays off since last august and not organising anything for then.

If I had known for past 7 months that the only week off was x date it would have been booked by now so the family could have a rates valuable whole week together surely better than a one off visit to attraction for 3 hours.

Oh and the weekend stuff, you and the DC should head off early and let him meet you there once he finishes work. (If he really want to be included...)

if we go anywhere a bit different and have a good time he gets stroppy.

This rang warning bells for me. It's one thing if he's sad missing out but he sounds controlling and I would not like this.

I thought you did need passports even for internal flights these days? Not flown for a while and last time was at the height of security scare but pretty sure I needed a passport? (Guess wouldn't help that he is 'foreign looking' - Arabic- although has a UK driving licence) he does need to attend an interview to renew - but last time he walked out with his new passport (lucky cos he'd forgotten and were flying out the next day...)
We do do things without him at the weekend but locally and he has joined us later... just the DCs are bored (esp 14 yo). There are 2 or 3 things that I know we could do that are a couple of hours drive /train ride away... But if we don't get there till after 3 and the shops/attraction close at 5 or 5.30 just to turn around and come back we will be traveling for longer than enjoying ourselves.
And it isn't controlling more of a toddler sulk....

And this is an easy job for DP (supposedly) - he had his own restaurant and sold up to spend more time with his family - Ha!

YANBU he rarely gets time off during their school holidays and has to work a chunk of the weekends and is kicking up about you three snatching a short break.

Btw I know a six year age gap can be tricky in terms of finding entertainment that suits both DCs so just want to add, it's nice they're both keen. Another couple of years it may no longer be the case.

Ahhh, being married to a chef...such fun !

I can see your point - if he was even vaguely interested in HP then he'd be perfectly justified in having a moan, but since he's not, and it's more cost effective this way, and you are still having a week off together as a family this summer I think he's being a typical chef awkward bugger.

Has he considered getting a job with better hours - ie at a private school or college? Even at a boarding school where evenings are involved, the finishes would be earlier & 17 weeks hols a year is not to be sniffed at.

The only problem then is that they are constantly under your feet wanting to organise you!

Is that ticket cost including a family railcard?

You should check flight prices, they can be cheaper.

But I do think your DP is being a big baby.

If we are flying within the UK, including Northern Ireland, I don't think we need a passport but photographic id when travelling, such as a passport or driving licence. Check with the airline.

Have a feeling that DCs under 16 don't require identification to travel within the UK.

So his passport is likely to be renewed the same day as the interview and the interview is almost a week before departure.

Can you not go ahead and book the flights on that basis, then?

Or is the train journey part of the holday for you? If so, then surely the cost is worth it. You could even plan the return journey for the night train ... exhausting I know, but you snatch whatever sleep you can ... and that way you get a full second day to see the platform and visit old memory lanes. As a family!

Can you say where you are travelling from, then some of us may have ideas that help. You said (I think) about 450 miles from London, so I'm thinking Scotland. Maybe Stirling or thereabouts. It might well be that, by doing split-route tickets, your could travel much more economically ... perhaps even allowing your DP to travel back alone, without bumping the cost hugely.

This is a huge treat for your children, a family treat and, despite everything you say about how impossible his job makes it to have holidays (I am hearing that) I don't blame your DP for wanting to be there.

I think you should re-think (I am also hearing how much you don't want your DP to go) and make this trip exactly what it says on the tin, a family trip for the four of you to do the Harry Potter tour, with the added bonus of an overnight in a hotel and an afternoon in London. Visit your parents another time (unless your DP is 100% willing to travel back alone and you are both 100% willing to suck up the cost of buying his ticket outwith the family railcard).