Step-MIL and her obsession with me not cooking!

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

Background: DH is a really good cook, and enjoys the whole process from start to finish. In contrast, I'm just an okay cook. We each do about 50/50 during the week, but when we are having a party or people over for a meal, DH likes to do it. I help with chopping / prep and things but that's about it. This is a pattern we've fallen into naturally and are both happy with it.

We hosted a meal over the weekend with both sets of parents. As usual from the moment they sit down I had comments from Step-MIL about the fact that DH has cooked. She will laugh, "Oh, what a surprise that you've not cooked Tiffany!" looking sideways at FIL. "Why is DH stuck in the kitchen again Tiffany?" , and this weekend, "Do you ever cook?".

Every time this happens DH jumps in and explains yet again that he is just the better cook and that he enjoys it, but Step-MIL really seems to judge me for not being the main chef in our household. It seems that she upholds the outdated idea of the woman belonging in the kitchen.

To prepare for having our parents over, I cleaned and tidied the house top to bottom, put away laundry, bought the dinner ingredients from the supermarket, laid the table, made a playlist of music and did most of the conversation-holding -- While DH cooked. In my opinion I did my fair share of hosting, am I missing something?

AIBU to think that we are even partners, regardless of who has done the actual cooking, and I am not the lazy slattern Step-MIL likes to make me out to be?! How does everyone else do it in their homes?

Erm ... why on earth does this woman think it is remotely acceptable to make such snide comments to you in your own home?

To some extent, it really doesn't matter what the comments are about; what matters is the fact she thinks she can speak to you in such a sarcastic and contemptuous manner. And at your own dinner table to boot.

Bugger the 1950s perspective, I'd be asking just why she thinks she can berate you in this way.

She is very rude and does it because that's how she lives her life. My step-mother was the same; my father never had to do a thing, although he chose to help with the washing up.

But please don't make this a generational thing. My DH is 70. He has always helped with the children - nappies, waking babies, childcare. We have always shared housework (even when I was a SAHM) and although he isn't a proper cook, he can cook and he does.

She just needs firmly to be told to shut up/mind her own business.

Do you think she is trying to have a bit of a dig at her husband because he doesn't cook. My husband can't boil water and I am so jealous as I am sick and tired of doing all the cooking.

If she was, wouldn't she be giving compliments to her stepson rather than criticisms to the OP?

I'm not sure her husband would interpret her criticising the OP for the man cooking as a dig at him for not cooking so much as it would re-enforce to him that she thinks men shouldn't cook.

But please don't make this a generational thing.

^^Agreed. DH and I have been married 28 years - he is in his late 50s. He has always done his fair share of cooking and enjoys it. He also does his share of ironing, cleaning bathrooms and all other housework. When DD was small he would never have dreamt of leaving all the childcare to me. We both work and we both do the chores.

How old are your PILs?

Well she was very rude.
I'd just respond in a jokey way, 'ah you are only jealous', or 'I've trained him well'. Keep it light (but maybe make fun of her a little) and don't let it show that her comments bother you

It doesn't really matter how other people do it in their homes. She is embarrassing herself by being such an astonishingly rude guest. I would do all I could not to invite her again.

Mercifully my MIL is scared of me, so it wouldn't enter her head to make such ridiculous comments about me.

I remember being round at my parents with my newborn and my grandmother saying, "You'd best get home, MrBean will be starving!" I said he can sort himself out and huffily asked if "That's the attitude now is it?!" Well...yeah.

Next time ask her if she perhaps needs to visit the GP about her memory problems, signs of aging etc, as she keeps asking the same questions and forgetting that DH has already answered them lots of times.

My DH does majority of the cooking. Mainly because he is a chef and enjoys cooking and I am particularly shit at anything more advanced than beans on toast.

However I am quite ocd when it comes to cleaning and do majority of the housework because I prefer to. We both have roles within the list of household chores that are predominantly ours and it suits us just fine.

Tell her to sod off. Its really not that unusual for men to actually do things for themselves these days

"Oh my God step-mil, you're not making a big thing of this AGAIN are you? Don't you remember what we said last time and the time before?"

I can get why this is so annoying. I'm good at DIY, much more so than my husband. He's much much better, but is sort of like my sous chef :) Mum acts "concerned" about his lack of ability, dad tries to take charge, and I get pissed off because I want things done my way (husband hides at work and is sensible enough to admire what's been done in his absence).

Anyway, no advice. It doesn't get better, but we care less about it now.

I would throw a strop and say 'why do say insist on making the same bloody comment every time you visit us? Can't you even pretend to be nice to me for the sake of DH?' It would shut her up once and for all!

We have the same set in house. No-one gas ever commented on it.

Way back when we were at dh's uncles. Right, let's go out for a drink says uncle. Sounds good says me. Oh no, the girls are going to stay and wash up says uncle. Any guesses why i don't see much of dh's family??