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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to this

57 replies

FlabbyMummy · 16/03/2015 22:07

We have a 29 month old DS. Tonight DH suggests we get a babysitter on Sunday to allow us to go to the pub to watch football. Something we did quite a lot before having DS.

The game kicks off at 1230 so would need to go out at 12. I don't like the idea of going drinking so early then going home to an exuberant toddler. He says we would only have a couple but still it's lunch time! If we were going out for a nice lunch it would feel more normal but it just sits badly with me and I said no. We can go and I don't drink but then I may as well watch it at home (as I planned on doing).

If the kick off had been evening I would have considered getting a babysitter (local Nanny) to give DS tea and put to bed but not during the day.

No family nearby, babysitting options are fully qualified childcare people who my DS knows and likes.

What do you lovely lot think of this?

OP posts:

youngestisapyscho · 16/03/2015 22:25

I'm unsure as to why you came on to ask opinion when it seems quite clear you have no intention of going?

crymeariverwoo · 16/03/2015 22:26

I have now seen your latest post. I completely understand your worries! it is a tough decision... If you are swaying towards yes... could you make a bolognaise or similar the day before and then you only need to heat up when you get home? or yes a take away could be good.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 16/03/2015 22:26

I'm a nanny and I regularly babysit for a few hours during the day for a lovely family. Mum and dad go out for lunch/to the gym/swimming/shopping/the pub, I give kids lunch and put youngest down for a nap and play with eldest.

There's nothing odd about going out without your child during the day.

I assume your local pubs serve lemonade/coke/orange juice etc so you don't have to drink alcohol if you don't want to.

NeedABumChange · 16/03/2015 22:27

I am really confused as to why you can't go to the pub, enjoy the game with your DH and drink a coke or even a half and then go home to your toddler. Going to the pub is not a synonym for getting slaughtered.

TheMasterNotMargarita · 16/03/2015 22:30

Yes, YABU.
HOw much can you possibly drink during a match, assuming it won't be tequila shots or sambucca?
Have a couple, prepare an easy dinner before you go out. come home, bung in the oven.
Presumably DH will return with you so can help?
Chilled out day, chilled out evening - really not seeing an issue unless there is something you are not saying.
If you can't be arsed don't make excuses just don't go.

stubbornstains · 16/03/2015 22:36

What about telling your DH you'll be more than happy to go out with him as long as he sorts out tea and bed time when you get back?

Original poster

FlabbyMummy · 16/03/2015 22:44

Stubbornstains has kind of nailed it, everything will be left to me and DH will likely not want to come back at same time as me.

OP posts:

AGirlCalledBoB · 16/03/2015 22:48

Does it really matter if you have to deal with your toddler when you get home? You still get a couple of hours to yourself and your partner. You don't have to drink much. Just enjoy the time as a couple.

TheMasterNotMargarita · 16/03/2015 22:50

So he makes it sound a nice gesture but he wants to watch footy, get pissed and roll home whenever?

If you both stayed at home would you still have to see to everything?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 16/03/2015 22:57

Well yeh - go out with DH to watch a game you both enjoy, come home together, put wee one to bed, have a takeaway = great day.

Go out with DH, come home on your own because DH wants to stay in the pub, then have to do everything on your own not knowing what time DH is going to roll home = totally shit fun.

If you don't think DH is going to want to come home at the same time as you then you're as well staying home tbh.

softlysoftly · 16/03/2015 22:59

As hell says we are on 3 DCs and have woefully neglected "us" leaving us with some serious work to get back on track. If it genuinely is going to be a nice joint activity out (and home again) then go just ddon't get rolling drunk!

Saying your DC age in months says a lot about your mindset to me. He's over 2 not a baby! He'll be fine.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/03/2015 23:05

Could you both stay out all day? Get the babysitter from 12 to stay through till bed time and possibly later?

MrsMook · 17/03/2015 07:12

Go and enjoy the atmosphere.

notsolovely · 17/03/2015 07:24

Sounds like the problem is more with your dhs behaviour than the actual going for w couple of drinks at the pub. Does he want to go but feels he can only go if he provides a break for you too. Can you not tell him yes, but he needs to come home with you and help out while you get tea done. FWIW I can't imagine my dh organising for us to have a break for a few hours then staying in the pub while I go home. If we were doing it to spend time together alone, he would then come home and do his share of the work.

TendonQueen · 17/03/2015 07:35

So is this standard that 'everything will be left to you'? I can see why you don't want to go.

BathtimeFunkster · 17/03/2015 07:44

Of course you don't want to go out with him, he's a lazy arsehole.

Why not agree to going out, but insist that you are the one who gets to stay out drinking all day and he takes on the time of skivvy.

proceeding · 17/03/2015 07:49

*Well yeh - go out with DH to watch a game you both enjoy, come home together, put wee one to bed, have a takeaway = great day.

Go out with DH, come home on your own because DH wants to stay in the pub, then have to do everything on your own not knowing what time DH is going to roll home = totally shit fun.

If you don't think DH is going to want to come home at the same time as you then you're as well staying home tbh.*

What Lonny said.

Jackieharris · 17/03/2015 07:56

The issue is dh not pulling his parenting weight.

You are both DS's parents. You should have an equal amount of leisure time.

Add up how much you each get each week.

Why don't you stay out later and he be the one who goes back to the toddler & tea? If he doesn't want to do this then ask him why it's ok for you?

If this was just about the going out at lunchtime is say don't drink more than 3 units, put DS in front of a DVD when you get back and have a simple tea like soup & sandwich/baked potato.

Ilovenannyplum · 17/03/2015 08:04

If you don't want to go then just don't go? Simple.
And agree with PP, your son is 2, you don't need to count months anymore sorry, personal annoyance of mine!

Original poster

FlabbyMummy · 17/03/2015 08:33

Thanks for people's replies. Sorry I put 29 months rather than 2.5 or 2 years I didn't want to drop feed (and didn't realise that it was a faux pas) I think of my DS as a toddler not a baby but he still needs care , watching so he doesn't throw himself off furniture too much/wrestle the cats etc and come bedtime will want carrying to bed (would forgo bath).

We both work full time, DS is in full time childcare Monday-Friday 830am to 6pm. The reason I started this tread is to find out if other people do this and to find out what people think about the idea of getting a babysitter to go to the pub in the daytime because I honestly don't know anyone who does this.

OP posts:

GoldenBeagle · 17/03/2015 08:40

The only reason I wouldn't do this is because of working full time and it taking most of one of the days I would have with my child.

Icimoi · 17/03/2015 09:07

Tell DH you'll go on condition that you come back together and he takes responsibility for DS when you get back.

NickiFury · 17/03/2015 09:08

Putting your child's age in months is NOT a faux pas so don't worry about that!

I had a like yours. Without fail he would stay out, even after promising the world that it would be different this time and he would do it all. He never did and would become aggressive of reminded of his promises. "No point BOTH of us having to go back Nicki" and by that he meant "it won't be ME going back whatever happens".

I couldn't be bothered to go with him either.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/03/2015 09:13

To answer your latest post, yes it's completely normal to get a babysitter for a day time event if you want to.
What isn't normal, or fair, is that childcare somehow seems to be your responsibilty rather than your dhs, since you both work full time. Should be shared equally.

Flipchart · 17/03/2015 09:22

We did something similar when there was an important rugby game years and years ago.

Going to the pub was not only about drinking. I didn't drink much throughout the afternoon but it was a great social thing, cheering the game on eith mates having a laugh and the odd quick kiss from DH. All good fun

DH stayed on after me ( my suggestion) and yes I did the tea and put the kids to bed that night but so what, he did the bed time stuff loads of times so all's fair!

Why not I say. Have a bit of fun with with your DH!

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