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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sending card to SIL BF

50 replies

Tellhimyournamepike · 16/03/2015 15:29

AIBU? MIL has told me to send SILs Boyfriend a bday card as "SIL is keen to make him feel part of the family" he's about to be 46 and they've been going out just over a year.
I think it's a bit OTT for us to be sending him a card, he's not going to be 4 FFS. AIBU? Also, blokes don't really care about bday cards do they??
I will send said card so as not be be miserable or churlish but really?
(Have met him about 3/4 times-including Xmas at MIL) x

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 16/03/2015 15:30

It would be a nice gesture, and wouldn't hurt anyone.

AlternativeTentacles · 16/03/2015 15:31

Why you - surely your husband needs to sort out birthday cards for his side of the family?

WorraLiberty · 16/03/2015 15:31

I think it's a nice gesture but that's just me.

I'd probably send one and then think no more about it....like ever Grin

I think you're going to get a lot of 'YANBUs' though, just because you used the phrase 'MIL has told me'.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 16/03/2015 15:32

Lol. I'm rubbish with cards anyway other than for the kids in my family. He would probably know you've been forced into it anyway

notsolovely · 16/03/2015 15:33

I send my brothers wife a card. However I leave dhs family to dh. Why did your mil tell you and not your OH? Is it something that you organise, usually? If so I probably would, especially if you send one to your sil.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 16/03/2015 15:42

How soon did you get cards from the family when you were dating DH?

Original poster
Tellhimyournamepike · 16/03/2015 15:46

Hubby wasn't there. He's useless with cards in any case..
we I send SIL a card (known her 9 years) but Im wondering if this is more for her than him.
MIL told me her card to him had 3 deckchairs on front. She'd written (his name) (her name) and then (my childs) name on said deckchairs...I though this was a little odd-it's not their kid (she gets on well with them both but she's that kinda kid) frowny face x

OP posts:
Justyouwaitandsee · 16/03/2015 15:47

We send cards to siblings partners. Sometimes I buy, sometimes DH buys (depending on who is going past a shop)

CrystalCove · 16/03/2015 15:47

I think YABU to say "blokes don't care about cards" as if they are all one person to be honest. As to sending your SIL boyfriend a card, how well do you know her?

Original poster
Tellhimyournamepike · 16/03/2015 15:48

Can't remember donkey, we'd dated for 2years when we got hitched.x

OP posts:
Original poster
Tellhimyournamepike · 16/03/2015 15:51

Crystal I know her well enough. But don't feel I know him enough really. X

OP posts:
AmyElliotDunne · 16/03/2015 15:53

I think a year is long enough for you to consider him part of your family, so yes I'd send a card. My DBs send my BF (& his dcs) a card and prezzy for birthdays and Xmas.

DP's family sent me a card on my big birthday because we all met up for lunch, although they didn't this year. Would have been nice if they had though, made me feel more like part of their family.

AmyElliotDunne · 16/03/2015 15:56

The deck chair thing is a bit weird though!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 16/03/2015 15:57

MIL told me her card to him had 3 deckchairs on front. She'd written (his name) (her name) and then (my childs) name on said deckchairs... I though this was a little odd - it's not their kid

Yes, agree, a bit odd.

Original poster
Tellhimyournamepike · 16/03/2015 16:00

Yes I was a little surprised by the deckchair writing-I thought not the type of thing she'd do!! X

OP posts:
BigfootFilesHisToesInYourTea · 16/03/2015 16:03

Do we know if SIL actually cares? When combined with the deckchair thing my take on it is that it's MIL who wants him to feel part of the family, and think about families (and with the unsubtle writing of your child's name on the deckchair) specifically think about starting his own family with SIL... so either your MIL is keen to have more grandchildren or SIL has confided she's wants to have kids and he's not sure/doesn't and it's a clumsy way of your MIL trying to "help"?

Original poster
Tellhimyournamepike · 16/03/2015 16:04

By "her name " I mean SIL name n

OP posts:
CrystalCove · 16/03/2015 16:05

Well I think on balance if you know her well, I would send her partner a card really. Just read the thing about the deckchairs Confused

Original poster
Tellhimyournamepike · 16/03/2015 16:08

Good point big foot. I do think SIL wants the card. But yes,strong hint with the deckchairs there!! X

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/03/2015 16:14

I can't stop laughing at the deckchairs! Grin

You might be over thinking it though OP, it's just a card and a bit of a nice gesture.

Original poster
Tellhimyournamepike · 16/03/2015 16:40

Haha-yes, if you see someone's birthday cards, one of which has "named deckchairs" on, you'll know who's sent it!! X

OP posts:
Andylion · 16/03/2015 16:56

I don't think I would consider him as part of the family after only one year. I think they'd have to be living together for me to think of him as part of the family.

Original poster
Tellhimyournamepike · 16/03/2015 17:05

I agree Andy lion. They don't live together, although they spend a lot of time kissing and being attatched to each other whilst in company, which I feel is rather nauseating to watch-but that is another post lol! ?? x

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 16/03/2015 17:19

yabu - they have been together a year not a few days.

as for the "blokes don't care comment" sexism at its best!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/03/2015 17:24

To be honest, in the time you have spent posting on here, you could have written him a card - even if you didn't have a spare generic card lying around you could use, and had to nip out and get one.

I would just send one - it is not going to take a huge amount of effort or expense - and if it makes for good family relations, isn't it worth it?