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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to cut them out of my life

28 replies

dreaminred10 · 16/03/2015 10:54

right how to start .... me and my husband have been together now for several years married only 8 months we have 4 children 2 together and my older sons from a previous marriage which my husband has brought up from a very early age as his own. husband has 3 brothers and 1 sister. He really wanted me to have a relationship with him and his mum and I have tried my hardest for a few years now to get on with them all though it has sometimes been very difficult. They have always treated his brothers wife horridly calling her everything from a bad mum to a slag, I find her quite a nice person and know she would be horrified by some of the things they say about her and her children. Now they seem to have gotten fed up with her and turned there nastiness towards me and my children. fast forwards a couple of months me and my husband had enjoyed a perfect wedding all the family was getting on then his sister started dropping things into conversation about an ex girlfriend of his and how she thought our other sister in law was attracted to him.A few days later all the family children were having a snowball fight they had great fun and it ended on happy terms. That night I received a phone call about my son getting carried away at the snowball fight and giving her son frost bight in his face both boys are 11. I told her I thought she was exaggerating and both boys were good friends and she blew up calling all my children awful names evil, c&*ts, etc etc I put the phone down and obviously told my husband we decided to cut contact with her till she calmed down and apologised that was 3 months ago.. since then I have had all kinds of accusations made about me and our children from my leaving the kids with her while my husbands at work for full days and not telling anyone were I am, to my daughters being riddled with head lice our children all attend the same school and I have been made to feel intimated there by her husband I have had mucky lucks threats of violence and my children have been ignored. Mother in law has also decided to fall out with us came to our house to try and sort things out and ended up making our 4 year old cry telling her none of us were welcome at her house any more so I asked her to leave. sister in law is currently living at mother in laws with her husband an 5 children as they no longer liked the house they lived in, mother in laws house is only 2 bedrooms. The latest thing is she has taken all her children out of the school and putting the blame on my children. has anyone please got any thoughts on this or advice feel like im going crazy

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honeyroar · 16/03/2015 10:58

Sounds a nightmare, you poor thing. And your poor husband! I think you're best just avoiding them and if anyone kicks off, tell them that you think they're a family of fruitcakes and putting the phone down - it's not swearing back at them, but tells them what you think!

Original poster

dreaminred10 · 16/03/2015 11:01

It is a nightmare even though we've had practically no contact with them for weeks and have been avoiding and ignoring we still seem to be getting all the blame

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Original poster

dreaminred10 · 16/03/2015 11:38

forgot to add sil has fallen out with alot of people over the last few years her inlaws, friends, parents at school, other family members but mil is blinded to this and is putting all the blame onto me

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PerpendicularVincenzo · 16/03/2015 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

annielouise · 16/03/2015 11:56

Ignore. It's great they've left the school so you won't have to see her. I'm sure she'll put the kids in another school so don't feel guilty. You've nothing to feel guilty about. I only feel sorry for all the kids - her kids because they'll miss out seeing your kids and vice versa with your kids and that side of the family. But if you what you say is true then they're trouble makers and better out of your lives so try not to give it a second thought. They'll be in touch as these drama lovers don't know how to live life any other way.

HiggledyPiggledy123 · 16/03/2015 11:59

dreaminred10 your sil sounds similar to mine. She is a nightmare and creates situations and dramas all the time of which she is the centre of attention within and always the poor victim of. After some horrendous treatment of our children we drew massive lines and walked away. we made it very clear to mil that dh's db and dsil caused nothing but upset in our life and we cut contact. Honestly... it was the best decision we ever made and two years on and our life is so much better and more peaceful within constant squabbles and dramas. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Original poster

dreaminred10 · 16/03/2015 12:21

I really feel sorry for the kids she has no intention of sending them to another school any time soon and is keeping them at home, then going around playing the victim making everyone feel sorry for her. I have been into the school today and they are apparently aware of the situation and have looked into the accusations made against my children but have obviously found nothing in the. She is a complete fruitcake. Its an absolute nightmare I feel sorry for my husband he cannot understand why they are treating us this way after being nothing but nice especially his own mother who we thought we had a great relationship with but is condoning and defending her daughters behaviour

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Original poster

dreaminred10 · 16/03/2015 12:30

HiggledyPiggledy Im sorry to hear you to have a nightmare sil, glad your life is now much happier to you still have contact with the rest of the family?

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Original poster

dreaminred10 · 16/03/2015 13:07

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MinceSpy · 16/03/2015 13:20

Do you think SIL is mentally unwell and perhaps having a crisis? Your MIL has probably got into the habit of protecting her.

I'd go NC, chances are she will move on to a new target as that seems to be a pattern.

Original poster

dreaminred10 · 16/03/2015 13:28

I do think she is mentally unwell I've thought this for a while. Before she decided I was her next target my mil confided in me that she was worried about her I told mil that I would try to help her as apparently she respects me ?? then the next day she turned on me! shes a women in her 30s with a husband and 5 children no home of there own through there own choice, no friends they have all eventually gone nc, no job or interests and now her children have no school. I can fully understand mil protecting her but to side with her and condone her behaviour towards the rest of the family i really don't get

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OfaFrenchMind · 16/03/2015 13:32

Ignore Ignore Ignore and Ignore...
You seem like a good person, and don't need to burden yourself and your family with basket cases.

Original poster

dreaminred10 · 16/03/2015 13:43

Thankyou OfaFrenchMind I try to be a good person and have always made an efoort with my husbands family but when it backfires in your face you start to think what was the point

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Arsenic · 16/03/2015 13:48

YANBU at all.

What else can you do?

Sorry you're having such a nasty time.

Original poster

dreaminred10 · 16/03/2015 14:05

Thanks Arsenic. I have told my husband I am done the last few months have been a nightmare and we've recently got married and had a new baby its suppose to be a happy time and in every aspect of our life it is, just his family spoiling it! I know though they will come to him in a few days/weeks and apologise to him and he will sadly fall for it

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ihatelego · 16/03/2015 14:51

I can completely sympathise with your situation as it sounds exactly like the rubbish i had to deal with from my DPs family. In the end (about a year ago) after a horrific row which left me, DS and DP hugely upset which had started from the most ridiculous reasons (a birthday cake and a day out) and I had tried so hard, we decided that it was just not going to work in the long term. It was causing too many problems for our family unit and they'd made it quite clear this behaviuor was just going to continue so we cut contact.

The year's been tough at times.. hardest on my DS who sometimes misses them/doesn't understand but although it makes me feel awful when we discuss if it could be any different we know it's better this way than DS to witness the aggression/arguments/upset so all in all we all feel much better having cut them out.

Hope it improves for you soon, it really is awful having these types of problems with family. >hugs

Original poster

dreaminred10 · 16/03/2015 15:08

ihatelego thankyou I'm sorry to hear you've been through pretty much a similar thing, its just horrible isn't is especially when you've tried so hard, they have always caused problems for us and sadly I don't think anything is going to change them even the thought of losing a son/brother and our children

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HiggledyPiggledy123 · 16/03/2015 20:02

We have very limited contact with mil and fil but unfortunately no contact with my niece and nephews who I miss terribly. However the upset and disruption sil caused to my children I don't regret the choices I have made.

Original poster

dreaminred10 · 16/03/2015 22:24

I'm sorry to hear about your nieces and nephews, but glad you don't regret your choices. I think we're going to go down the route of no contact or vey limited.
Aibu to stop contact with children and mil

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Original poster

dreaminred10 · 17/03/2015 11:34

Just seen an old colleague who asked me what was going on within my family apparently sil has been posting things on.fb about the situation felt really embarrassed

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LithaR · 17/03/2015 11:55

My sister is exactly the same. Constantly causing drama and trying to get family fighting against each other. I decided to go nc and its been the best decision I've ever made. Life is so much more peaceful and my depression is now bearable.

You don't need toxic people in your life.

Original poster

dreaminred10 · 17/03/2015 12:53

Thanks for taking the time to post glad to know after going nc life is more peaceful

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CunningCat · 17/03/2015 13:02

If she has pulled her kids out of school and hasn't registered them as home ed or at another school, she will have the educational welfare officer on her back before long, and possibly involvement from other agencies. In some way I can imagine that is a relief to not have to be intimidated at the school gates. I do not blame you for nc, but are their kids OK?

popalot · 17/03/2015 13:20

Unfortunately, you can't have people like this in your life. She needs to find out herself if she is mentally unwell. Keep contact with your teachers at school incase her children come back and they can keep an eye out and watch interactions.

I should think the school will have contacted social services by now and her children's safety will be being looked into as there is no reason to have pulled them out and it is illegal to prevent a child having an education. They might have a list of concerns about her as long as their arms to pass on. However, this side of things will be confidential so the school can't tell you if this sort of investigation is happening.

Meanwhile, stay well away and have zero contact with her or MIL until they sort themselves out. They are both being abusive towards you and your children and you have to protect them from that. Don't feel guilty.

Original poster

dreaminred10 · 17/03/2015 13:34

That's what I thought about education welfare she hasn't registered them at any other school the children want to go but she's not allowing them to. I have been into the school several times and they assure me the allegations made about my children being the cause of it to be not true so say I have nothing to worry about and they are dealing with it but are unable to tell me anything else. Another family member has also been in as she has been told by sil children that it's nothing to do with my.kids it's there mother stopping them attending.

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