To think this is an overreaction

[EveDallas]

Looks like I cocked up with DD and one of her mates.

Girls were in the playroom playing Minecraft. DD discovered on Friday that she could 'link' if she used my phone and the iPad (and spent most of Friday night explaining how to play it to me), so they took my phone, friend played on that, DD on the iPad and they created a world together.

I was charging my old phone that DD uses as an ipod/game and realised that MC had downloaded onto that as well. So thought I'd had some fun and logged in as well.

DD freaked straight away, messaged me "Steve" asking who I was and I posted back stuff like "I am the God of Minecraft" "I am here to eat your brains" "brains taste like custard" daft stuff like that. I thought it was really funny - and could hear the girls shrieking and giggling about it. I kept it up for about 20 minutes (DD had come thru and said someone else had logged into their game) then came clean.

Tbought nothing of it.

Except I've had a text from friends mum pissed off with me and saying I was 'inappropriate' and I'd really scared friend. She's also pissed off that I let them link, because she doesn't let her dd do that. Apparently I've taught her that it's ok to talk to strange men on the Internet.

They were only linked with each other fgs...and friend certainly didn't seem scared when she was giggling about custard brains. Mum is overreacting, yes?

How old are girls?

Both 9, although DD is 10 in a couple of weeks

so year 5? I think YABU to allow someone else's child online.

She is probably over reacting, yes.

I don't know about linking

Argh..phone playing up...

What was your reaction when dd told you somebody else had logged on? I think this would have been a very good opportunity to explain to the girls about the dangers of online etc.

I think it's quite a strange thing to do. I'm incredibly laid back but I wouldn't be happy about this.

Erm ... I don't think it's really funny! It probably would have been funny if they'd been 19, but 9?

I have to say if I did that and dd engaged with me by my own rules I would have to ban all internet from the house, how can you teach them about internet safety.

The game only links to people in your own network - DD plays 'create' not 'survive'. It can't be accessed by anyone not in your own network. So the third person (me) had to be in the house.

They weren't 'online' as such.

You are giving her the impression that
A- it's OK to talk to strangers on the internet
B- it's OK to 'catfish' somebody and pretend to be somebody else

I think in this day and age it's just as important to teach children how to be safe on the Internet as it is to teach them how to be safe in the real world.

Well who'se in your network? Only family?

A 9 year old isn't really going to know the difference between being on the network or being on the web

ok I understand now, because I am not very good at this stuff I have very strict rules about them. dd also only plays create.

What was your reaction towards your DD when she told you a strange man had joined in their game?

And DD knows that. It only works because my phone and iPad are linked - anything done on the one is automatically done on the other too. I can see anything DD does.

But did the friend know that eve?

There is a massive difference between what they laugh about with their mates and what scares them at home later!

If for example next time she is on something and a stranger pops up, he's goingo think 'oh it's OK last time it was mum' and it will feel safe to her when it reality (and very worst case, hysterical scenario ) ir could be somebody trying to groom her

Was trying to say, not sure how this works with minecraft. Sounds maybe like only linking up through your router as you automatically connected too? I would make sure you understand how this works though. If they couldn't connect to any external online servers and therefore unwanted random then I'd explain this.

But think maybe you need to be more clued up about it all? And a chat with both girls about online dangers in an appropriate way wouldn't go amiss, as useful way of raising issues ? Joke in itself seems fine to me. I'd maybe give other mum a ring after knowing all techie stuff.

The girls didn't say a strange man, that was the mum. If you start a new MC game you are automatically logged in as "Steve" until you change your name.

I'm now thinking that mum doesn't know this, which is why she's pissed off. I assumed she did because it was her DD that got mine into MC in the first place.

So your DD knew it was you or someone else in the family all along?

I don't think I'd be happy if I was the other mum. You may have really scared her daughter.

X post. You clearly do know how it works. Sorry.

My D.C. are only 2 and 1 so never had to deal with internet issues obviously

However, at that age, I would be telling them that if anyine unexpected logged on, they are to tell me or whatever adult is,supervising them immediately and not engage with them.

Therefore, it blurs the message when the supervising adult is the person essentially logging on without consent and - for a child - it kind of breaks that trust. I think the issue has to be very black and white at that age and anyone logging on like that viewed with suspicion. I'm assuming that most grooming etc starts with that kind of larking around.

But now the internet safety message is diluted because the child then thinks that someone logging on like that with bad intent can be trusted as it could just be someone like you that they should be able to trust having a laugh.

I suspect the reason that the friend is scared is the fact that consciously or subconsciously she thought she could "trust" you to block any unwanted contact but the person doing it was you even though it was for a joke