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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is an overreaction

49 replies

EveDallas · 15/03/2015 18:45

Looks like I cocked up with DD and one of her mates.

Girls were in the playroom playing Minecraft. DD discovered on Friday that she could 'link' if she used my phone and the iPad (and spent most of Friday night explaining how to play it to me), so they took my phone, friend played on that, DD on the iPad and they created a world together.

I was charging my old phone that DD uses as an ipod/game and realised that MC had downloaded onto that as well. So thought I'd had some fun and logged in as well.

DD freaked straight away, messaged me "Steve" asking who I was and I posted back stuff like "I am the God of Minecraft" "I am here to eat your brains" "brains taste like custard" daft stuff like that. I thought it was really funny - and could hear the girls shrieking and giggling about it. I kept it up for about 20 minutes (DD had come thru and said someone else had logged into their game) then came clean.

Tbought nothing of it.

Except I've had a text from friends mum pissed off with me and saying I was 'inappropriate' and I'd really scared friend. She's also pissed off that I let them link, because she doesn't let her dd do that. Apparently I've taught her that it's ok to talk to strange men on the Internet.

They were only linked with each other fgs...and friend certainly didn't seem scared when she was giggling about custard brains. Mum is overreacting, yes?

OP posts:

Original poster

EveDallas · 15/03/2015 19:06

Yeah that's it mumteedum. DD definately knew, friend had it explained when she took my phone. Hmm. Maybe IABU.

Nothing I said was scary and the girls didn't type anything much back other than "who are you" "lol" "OmG" and "the zombies r gonna get u"

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GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 15/03/2015 19:07

I think you need to apologise to the mum and explain it was only on family network. It's silly but it probably does undermine the e-safety message she is giving her DD.

MrsFlannel · 15/03/2015 19:09

You need to be aware that not all DC are confident online at this age. Some are very protected. Mine are. But for some reason, many parents who allow their DC freedom think that ALL kids must be the same! It winds me up a bit.

Koalafications · 15/03/2015 19:13

Maybe the mum doesn't understand how Minecraft works and her DD has just said that you pretended to be a man online called Steve.

ivykaty44 · 15/03/2015 19:14

Did this other mum stipulate rules about games and online access before hand? If not then default is rules of sleepover household.

I always used to ask whether there were any rules in place that must be adhered to. This gave me a let out if I did similar to you. The other parents should have told you there rules and if you don't like them DC doesn't stay over

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 15/03/2015 19:18

To be honest, would it really occur to a parent to have to tell another parent not to pretend to be someone online

Tizwailor · 15/03/2015 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LulaMayBrown · 15/03/2015 19:26

Eek. have DD same age as yours.
I wouldn't be 'angry' if I had been the other mum, but I don't think I would have done that to another child staying in the house because of the 'stranger-danger' thing online. I'd also be pretty concerned that my DD had thought it ok to chat to a perfect stranger online, as she knows to tell me if someone approaches her that she doesn't know.

I do feel that what you did raises a few good issues about being online at that age. I do think, as others have, that you have accidentally undermined the message.

Personally, I'd apologise to the other mum because she has got a point.

GettingFiggyWithIt · 15/03/2015 19:28

This is the kind of thing I or DH might do so I can't criticize. Especially if they were giggling. In fact I probably would have typed Coming to get you in 3 -2 -1 then dived into their room in halloween costume brandishing...chocolate.
So I would have seen the funny side but I would also have admonished my dd for walking into my trap as she knows not to respond to owt. Bit like telling her not to pick up the phone then ringing her
I'm going to hell aren't I?
Anyway all you can do is apologise to mum and leave it at that.

DoJo · 15/03/2015 19:35

But clearly her daughter went home and told her that she was scared - why would she have done that? Giggling along at the time doesn't necessarily mean she wasn't trying to cover up the fact that she was scared, and presumably if you were letting her do something she isn't normally allowed to do it would have been in her interest to keep quiet about it unless she was genuinely upset.
The mother only knows what her daughter has told her, so I don't think it's over-reacting to be concerned about that.
When you say 'DD freaked straight away' what do you mean? And what did you say when she told you that a stranger had joined their game?

DeeWe · 15/03/2015 19:37

I agree with most of the others. It may have been obvious to you that it was you, but it wasn't obvious to your girls. I can't imagine that your dd did knew and wouldn't have shouted through "Stop it mum!"

If you'd sent them a message saying "Keep the noise down" or something that was obviously you, then that would be fine, but coming across that you're "Steve" and saying that sort of thing I wouldn't be happy about.

DD2 (11yo) would definitely be freaked out by it. She might be okay with the protection of her friend there, but it's the sort of thing that can prey upon her mind for weeks. Usually at bedtime, actaully usually a couple of hours after bedtime. I'd be cursing you all right at midnight. I suspect dd1 would have just come straight off as she would not like that.

Potentially you are showing them that you think it's okay for them to talk to people on line.

Again, if you'd come through and told them, and used it as a lesson as to not trust/communicate with people on line, it would be better. What you've actually taught them is the anoymous person the other side of the internet is safe and nice, which is a concern.

Andanotherthing123 · 15/03/2015 19:37

Sounds like the other mum doesn' t really understand exactly what happened. I don't think you've done anything wrong, but the other mum is clearly worried and on that basis I'd apologise, explain the girls weren't online and vulnerable but that it was a prank which you're sorry has caused upset.

Don't beat yourself up though-my kids would have been thrilled to be pranked like that!

Original poster

EveDallas · 15/03/2015 19:41

GettingFiggy, yep that's us too

I'm surprised at mum because her DD is on Instagram whereas I won't let DD have it, so really didn't think going 'online' (even though they weren't really) was an issue.

I'll suck it up and apologise though, if only to keep the peace for DD. DD says that she knew fine well it was me from the start, but that could easily be bravado now. I can see what people are saying about the stranger danger thing though. If that's why mum is angry then fair enough, but she specifically said her DD was "scared" by me and I can't see that at all.

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TheAnalyst · 15/03/2015 19:44

This is a tricky one. It was done with good intentions, it was a bit of fun, but I think the other mum is right to be concerned and that an apology is necessary here.

LulaMayBrown · 15/03/2015 19:45

My DD is terrified of zombies…and Chucky (god knows why, she's not seen the film) so 20 mins of talking online with a faceless brain-sucker would have shat her up no end! (Even if she had pretended otherwise).

I guess it's a live and learn thing and it makes me wish we were all back in the days where sleepovers were a simpler thing not filled with regulations about what is and isn't acceptable online etc...

Original poster

EveDallas · 15/03/2015 19:49

When I say DD freaked she came straight thru and said "someone has logged on to our game" I said "how did that happen, there's no-one else in the house" DD said "Maybe we've got burglars" and I said "Maybe it's the dog"

So I'm pretty sure that at that point DD knew it was me. Friend maybe not.

They went back in the playroom and said "Who r you" to 'Steve' and I replied "I'm the God of Minecraft and Im here to eat your brains" DD replied "OMG" and "LOL" then we go into the custard brains thing.

After about 15-20 minutes DD typed "GET OFF MY LAND" and I burst out laughing. They both came thru then (because they heard me) and DD said "which one of you is it" and I laughed and said "as if dad knows how to play Minecraft"

That was the end of it as far as I was concerned. Until I got the text at about half 5 (they were playing around 2pm)

OP posts:

Original poster

EveDallas · 15/03/2015 19:53

Oh this wasnt a sleepover, just playing today. Friend lives up the road.

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LulaMayBrown · 15/03/2015 19:55

Ah. Not sure where I got sleepover from.

That's cute that your DD said "get off my land".

StillaChocoholic · 15/03/2015 19:56

I'm guessing the mum doesn't understand minecraft fully so I would probably apologise and explain that only people in your house could access the game.

StillaChocoholic · 15/03/2015 19:57

Although it sounds like you had fun, so at least there's that.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 15/03/2015 19:58

Minecraft and computer games aren't my bag, and our DC are too young anyway, but it does sound a bit of an odd thing to, and on balance I'm with the mum on this, as internet safety is so paramount.

But you've taken it all on board, and your intentions were harmless.

On a general note, kids can laugh and join in out of bravado, especially at someone else's house. It's not so hard to imagine some children being privately a bit frightened but not speaking up.

DoJo · 15/03/2015 20:01

Unless the friend was absolutely sure that it had to be someone in your house, then I can see how that could be a scary encounter until she realised it was you. Children are constantly told not to talk to people online and to tell an adult if they are approached by a stranger, so your blasé response might have made her feel vulnerable at that point.

Either way, she went home and told her mum that she had been scared and I can't see why she would have done that if she hadn't been. For that, I think you should apologise - your daughter may enjoy your pranks, but not everybody finds that kind of thing funny and it's probably best to err on the side of caution where other people's kids are concerned.

BrieAndChilli · 15/03/2015 20:08

I think it's one of those situations where each parent has different perceptions so inwould just apologise for making her DS upset and also sit down with your dd and use it as a good chance to explain about online situations ie next time it could be a stranger an what would she do, not to tell people her address etc etc
For what it's worth DH would do the exact same thing

chickenfuckingpox · 15/03/2015 21:00

but your daughter reported it to you within a reasonable period of time so the internet safety message is getting across

i would possibly be like the other girls mom but my daughter explained it to me the other day about being linked into her brothers game and not being "online" if she hadn't explained it to me i would have mildly freaked and thought he was being spoke to by random internet strangers! (he is six so i would be upset by it but she is 14 and more internet savvy)

personally i would have done the exact thing my children love a good scare but other peoples kids not so much xx

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