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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think you don't have to be female to be a feminist

59 replies

WomenVsBarbie · 15/03/2015 17:46

I've always thought men could be feminist. I met up with a friend I described my other friend as a feminist (part of a feminist/environmental group) but friend said he can't be a feminist as he is a man. Is this true can you be male and feminist?

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 17/03/2015 22:10

"I don't agree with a large chunk of radfem theory""

Could you give some examples, please, hommeriliad?

JeanneTheRabidFeminist · 17/03/2015 22:20

homer - I'm not sure I know of a 'sex negative' feminism - unless you mean the kind that seeks to legitimize abuse of trafficked women, or the rape and suffering some women undergo in porn films?

I could claim to be very definitely sex-positive in that I see rape and rape culture as appalling things, but I have never seen any feminists identify as sex negative, so I am not clear what is meant by your term?

Hakluyt · 18/03/2015 07:12

Men do tend to prefer sex positive feminism..........

popalot · 18/03/2015 08:12

Of course men can be feminist, as they can agree that women should be equal. However, I do think it would take a great deal of empathy for a guy to understand what it's like living with everyday sexism. Whenever I've talked to men about it they are incredulous almost to disbelief about my experiences so unfortunately I learnt to keep my views to myself.

fascicle · 18/03/2015 09:05

workhouse
The argument that men can't really be feminists because they benefit to some extent from women's oppression is absolutely ludicrous.

I agree. I also think it's daft to say men can't be feminists because they can't truly experience the issues in the same way a woman can. Men share the experiences of mothers, wives, sisters, daughters.

Men are needed to support the aims of feminism. It makes sense not to alienate them. I find the term 'ally' patronsing.

Tritonsleftnipple · 18/03/2015 09:57

Men might see the experiences of women they know but they never feel them. A man might THINK he understands what it's like to experience some of the things women do because he's heard it from family. He still will not have been in that situation and felt those feelings.

Teeste · 18/03/2015 10:32

The jury's still out for me on this one. On the one hand, since feminism is about liberating women as a class from male oppression, I'm not sure too many of the oppressor class can actually be feminists. I don't know many men who can truly appreciate what it is to be a woman, they are socialised differently and have a huge amount of privilege that they very rarely recognise, let alone acknowledge. Then there's things like the studies done on men speaking over women in all kinds of contexts - that can't be a good thing in feminism.

On the other hand, I'm not sure feminism can achieve its aims without collaboration and cooperation with all kinds of people. It seems to me counter-productive to exclude men from a movement, when they're the ones (generally) with the power to change things.

I asked my DH whether he calls himself a feminist. He said no, he has feminist tendencies. He says he can't call himself a feminist because he can never experience what it's like to be a woman, just as, being white, he can never experience what it is to be a POC. So he feels it's appropriating something he cannot claim.

It's a toughie! But I can only endorse those men approaching the issue in a respectful way, who actually listen to women and accept their views, rather than riding roughshod over everything and pointing the finger at feminists they think are doing it wrong.

I once saw a Twitter exchange where some dude was debating a feminist. He reckoned he had done 20 hours of women's studies at college and therefore knew what he was on about. He was put straight very quickly! Grin

HaroldsBishop · 18/03/2015 13:35

I think this quote from Laura Bates of @EverydaySexism sums it up best:

"It's not about men against women, but people against prejudice."

So yes, men can be feminist.

fascicle · 27/03/2015 19:46

Laura Bates again. Good article in today's Guardian:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/womens-blog/2015/mar/27/feminism-battle-sexes-womens-rights-men

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