Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't have to be female to be a feminist

59 replies

WomenVsBarbie · 15/03/2015 17:46

I've always thought men could be feminist. I met up with a friend I described my other friend as a feminist (part of a feminist/environmental group) but friend said he can't be a feminist as he is a man. Is this true can you be male and feminist?

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 17/03/2015 16:48

Of course a man can be a feminist.

Not that many are, but it is entirely possible. Patrick Stewart is a great example actually.

The key is are they willing to give up their privilege. I'm sure Andy Murray has some feminist principles (I'm a huge fan) but if you said to him: women are playing 5 sets which means we're going to reduce the prize money for men to make it equal - then you'd know if he was a feminist or not.

DecaffTastesWeird · 17/03/2015 16:50

Yanbu

ApocalypseThen · 17/03/2015 16:53

The Andy Murray thing is interesting - I assume it's because his coach is a woman that people are calling him a feminist. However, that's one thing. It really demonstrates how low our expectations of men are that just one act alone - hiring the best person for a job, even if they're a woman qualifies you as a feminist.

Tritonsleftnipple · 17/03/2015 16:56

I reckon they can believe they are but they can never quite experience what life is like for women so they'll never completely get it.

I also find that those men who declare themselves feminists often exhibit behaviour or say things that suggests the complete opposite!

Theycallmemellowjello · 17/03/2015 16:57

I wouldn't go so far as to challenge a definition of feminist that includes men, but I do think that it is more sensitive for men to call themselves allies. That's certainly how I regard myself with regard to racial inequality and lbgtq issues (since I'm a white cis woman). It's just a way of acknowledging that when you are dealing with systematic inequality, the perspective of someone who suffers from this is very different from someone who benefits from it. And that a large part of what the beneficiaries can do to help is shut up and promote the voices of those who don't have that same social advantage. For that reason I agree with the comments above saying that in practice a lot of men who call themselves feminists are actually pretty sexist.

Samcro · 17/03/2015 16:58

( by the way my son does not call him self a feminist he just strongy supports feminist issues)

Hakluyt · 17/03/2015 16:58

Just coming on to say then same, Apocaplypse. It's like a father only having to do something vaguely baby related once to be hailed as a super dad. Or a member of the Royal Family being seen in public eating a Mars bar to be "just like us- so down to earth"!

BathtimeFunkster · 17/03/2015 17:25

My husband is all the things Apocalypse listed, but he doesn't call himself a feminist, and neither do I.

He's a good man, a non-sexist man, arguably an "ally".

But he isn't really interested in being called a feminist, or whether he can be defined as such.

I'm not interested in that either.

I know some men who identify as feminists that I think genuine qualify.

I'm not sure I qualify as a feminist if you have to never make sexist assumotions. I do all the time, because I was raised in a sexist society and need to constantly check my tendency to fall back on assumptions I don't realise I am making.

kim147 · 17/03/2015 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hakluyt · 17/03/2015 17:35

I think what Patrick Stewart has done in the public sphere is fantastic.

But I have no idea whether he is a feminist or not. How can i? All I know about are his public statements.

CumberCookie · 17/03/2015 17:41

Alan Alda is a feminist and campaigned for women's rights in 1970's America. features.aol.com/video/alan-alda-misogyny-disease

JeanneTheRabidFeminist · 17/03/2015 17:55

YY, agree with that strongly, kim.

Why does it matter so much what people call themselves, so long as the way they act is basically ok?

SummerHouse · 17/03/2015 18:00

I was at a conference once and a man got on the stage at the end and ranted about how abhorrent it was that there had been few women speakers. I just thought "get off you patronising bastard." But I believe in equality so I also would have thought that if a woman had said it.

CumberCookie · 17/03/2015 18:13

Not to be pedantic but I think it does matter. If we say men can't be feminists we are saying that equality of the sexes is a completely female concern and thus going against what feminism is about. Sexism effects men too, with men being expected to fulfil traditional roles.

ApocalypseThen · 17/03/2015 18:19

But I believe in equality so I also would have thought that if a woman had said it.

So let me get this clear. At a conference where there were disproportionately few women speakers, a man ranted about that using the available speaking time to priorotise his voice over the women speakers present and you would have considered it exactly the same if a woman had made that point?

Homeriliad · 17/03/2015 18:20

I'm a man and although I support equality etc, I don't believe I'm entitled as a man to call myself a feminist as I can never experience what it's like to be a woman.

I'd say I supported feminism (well, 3rd wave sex positive feminism. I don't agree with a large chunk of radfem theory).

kim147 · 17/03/2015 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ManOfSpiel · 17/03/2015 18:24

I think the differing opinions on this thread alone highlight the difficulty quite well.

But ultimately IMHO, those men that cling on to labels and get upset about whether they can or not are completely missing the point.

Personally it makes bugger all difference and has no bearing on whether or not you choose to treat everyone equally.

kim147 · 17/03/2015 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApocalypseThen · 17/03/2015 18:31

So should the bloke have said anything about the lack of women speakers?

I think he should have stood back to let women speak if he thought it was important to hear more women's voices.

BathtimeFunkster · 17/03/2015 18:32

If we say men can't be feminists we are saying that equality of the sexes is a completely female concern and thus going against what feminism is about.

Are you one of those "equalism" people?

Feminism is not about making sure men never miss out on anything women get.

We don't need a special movement for that.

TomCruiseCreepsMeOut · 17/03/2015 18:35

Men can't be feministsmI think, as they simply cannot know nor will ever experience the discrimination women face simply for being women. They also benefit in some way from this discrimination, so how can they be feminist with all that that entails, while at the same time benefitting from our oppression?

ManOfSpiel · 17/03/2015 18:35

Agree Kim.

This is a personal thing but any man that wears an 'I am Feminist' tshirt is a bit Hmm

CumberCookie · 17/03/2015 20:16

Erm no Bathtime, I'm a feminist. Feminism is about equality of the sexes.

workhouse · 17/03/2015 22:08

The argument that men can't really be feminists because they benefit to some extent from women's oppression is absolutely ludicrous.

I'm a white British woman, I probably benefit in a roundabout way, from racism, ageism, fatism etc. But I don't secretly support it all. I hate it all, everyone should be treated equally.

And FWIW my husband is a feminist and so is my son.