AIBU to want to buy a flat if we can't afford a house

[JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth]

Hi all,

I had a small 2 bed house in London that I sold a couple of years ago. Dh and I used the proceeds to clear debts (most were exh's who left me). We've been rebuilding our credit ratings meantime and living in private rental outside London.

We both work full time and have 3 dc who have settled in well to our new town and new life. But I hate private renting. Our first rental was put up for sale after only a few months and there was nowhere else available to rent. I thought we'd be homeless, came close but finally found somewhere else. I'm terrified the new landlord will do the same.

Dh has no problem with renting, he's never owned and doesn't see the point. We have a small 5 per cent deposit which we keep chipping away at and I want to buy a property before we are completely priced out. Dh has finally agreed and mortgage advisor says we're in a good position to apply for a mortgage.

Cheapest 3 bed houses round here are 240k. We earn 67k jointly but so many expenses including train to London.

So today I suggested buying a 3 bed flat with garden for approx 180k. Dh was v unhappy with the idea. He thinks we deserve to live in a house, because "we're not poor".

Wtf

So far he's said no to a 2 bed house, no to shared ownership, no to cheaper villages, no to small pokey houses.

We've put in an offer for a biggish 3 bed but it will need lots of work. And the monthly repayment will be £150 more than our current rent whilst a flat would cost £150 less per month.

I hope to move to a house on afew years. if the flat won't sell at that stage we could remortgage for a deposit and maybe rent it out.

Mners what do you think??

There's flats and there's flats though, aren't there? A 3 bed garden flat sounds eminently suitable to me, hardly the same thing as some high-rise box, is it?

I have to say, I would be wanting to have a serious chat with your DH about the realities of property buying/financial decisions. Not doing something because he 'doesn't like it' (shared ownership) doesn't really cut the mustard in the big boys and girls' world does it?
Could you have a proper sit down with your finances and talk about your options starting from a very practical perspective?

I used to be a bit 'what's the point of buying', as my parents rented since I was about 11, but now seeing them with zero stability going into retirement has made me rethink that a bit... I think you need to encourage him to see the long game here.

Oh yes. It's got a garden which is great because we love a bbq! The annual fees look like they are around 200 per year so affordable.

I feel sad that I sold my house because I thought we were on the same page. But it seems he wanted to be debt free, understandably, but didn't care about providing us with a stable and secure home. If we get kicked out of here he says we'll find another one. Simples. That's not good enough with three kids, especially if we have other options.

Getting back on the property ladder is all I care about at the moment. It keeps me up at night and is giving me anxiety

Why is there the assumption that flats are smaller than houses? We live in a flat, we have three large bedrooms, two bathrooms and a good sized sitting/dining room. It's bigger than a lot of houses. We also have a nice garden. And no management fees.

MrsS thanks for pointing that out. The room dimensions in this flat are bigger than most houses I've viewed. And the condition is really good.

The houses in our budget haven't been touched for years. Bought for 87k but vendor won't sell for less than £235k

Also, not all flats are one storey. Where I used to live there's a glut of ex-LA 'maisonettes': two storey flats. Mostly quite spacious, set out in low-rise blocks so you don't feel like battery hens, and if you get the ground floor you usually get a garden too, so apart from having some people living above you (and probably having leasehold) it's pretty similar to having a house as far as I'm concerned.

Perpetual that seems to be the exact set up. A building with only 2 floors and the ground floor comes with a garden. Of course I'd love to buy a house, anyone would, but is it worth an extra 50k?

Agree with MrsSchadenfreude, our 2 bedroom flat is substantially bigger than most 3 bed houses we looked at.

We live in an area where a big flat is £250k, and the cheapest house is almost double.

Different strokes for different folks though. Some people NEED a garden, some don't etc. Individual situations matter a lot too. As a pp said, buying and selling is costly too. I wouldn't buy anywhere that I didn't have the intention to stay in for less than 5-10+ years.

Good luck with your decision op :)

Thanks again for all the helpful replies.

A pp said that if we are chipping away at our deposit that says a lot about affordability.

But with rent being so expensive and insecure I think we need to buy somewhere, anywhere asap. Otherwise we'll never get on the ladder.

I don't understand why dh thinks it's ok to go through life going from rental to rental, with no security for old age or for our dc

Yeah, it's a bit weird that he doesn't seem bothered about leaving anything for your dcs, or does he think that when you're pensioners that all of a sudden you don't have to pay rent anymore?

Exactly stinker! And we're not exactly young, both late thirties. We have to think of the future. It's like he has champagne tastes on a beer budget. if he can't buy a house as nice as the one we rent, he'd rather not buy at all

Buy the flat and don't hang about or you'll be priced out the market if you're near London.

We're about 40 miles from London Moving. Not far at all. I completely agree with you. I'm going to view it tomorrow and keep working on dh. House prices round here are already 20k higher than when we first moved here in 2013. Madness

Good luck :)

Has your dp seen the flat?

We're moving out of London because we just can't afford to stay and we're bursting out of our house. I wish we'd bitten the bullet and bought a big garden flat when we could still afford it.

Journey, I'm completely on your side. I'm renting at the moment and the anxiety I have about being moved on due to owner's selling is making me ill. I rented one place for seven years. It was damp, the electrics were rubbish, crap kitchen and bathroom. I made it home and it was home to my DC. He sold it last year. I've been in current place a year and now the owner of this place is selling. I have to move again. I feel physically exhausted at the thought. It's really struck close to some insecurities I have as I'm grinding my teeth at night and have started smoking again. The thought of doing this - being moved on every year possibly - until I die, as that is the reality, upsets me. I want a home. I don't care what it is. I want to unpack boxes and paint and buy some furniture that I need. I don't buy anything now as you never know when you're being moved on so don't know if it'll fit the next place. I've just found out (the last few days) that I can afford the mortgage to buy this place. It's not what I imagined buying but I can't face moving again. For the last couple of years my DC are with me I want to give them a secure home that they can paint their bedroom how they want. If I don't get on the property ladder then I risk packing boxes and moving when I'm 75 etc, never having a home.

Between 2001 and 2007 I had a shared ownership home in London. I overpaid each month on the mortgage bit but house prices went up then and I made about £80k all told. It wasn't a bad move as that money I've managed to keep and it forms my current deposit. I didn't like the thought of having shared ownership forever but it did a turn. If I get to buy this place I will never put myself into the hands of private rental landlords again. The thought of all the checks they go through, the often sneery coldness about them, the extortionate fees for eff all. No thanks.

If you buy eventually you won't have to pay off someone else's mortgage. It'll be yours in 25 years time, possibly less as once the kids leave you may be able to overpay. If you carry on renting for the next 25 years you'll be subject to rent rises willy nilly that will move in line with house prices. You will own an asset at the end of it that you can use to downsize and make life comfortable or help out the kids. Private renting you're at the mercy of others.

The property and rental market in this country is horrendous. I'd be happy with the German model but private rental here is buy-to-let who on the whole are greedy bastards or people renting their place out short term. It is not fair on kids who might have to move schools.

I'd get on the property ladder and get a flat if that was all I could afford. Prices are unlikely to come down that close to London.

I never regretted buying my flat. I loved it. I think if you find somewhere where you run your own management company for upkeep and there aren't many flats in the block then it can be quite a pleasant way of life. It doesn't have to be forever, and at least you'll be on the ladder.

AnnieLouise thank you for expressing exactly how I feel. As mums we just want to give our kids stability. I'm at the point where I'd buy anything, just to say it's my home and no-one can make me move. Best of luck with your purchase and well done

When you change rentals the amount of money wasted is incredible. And as there'svery few rentals available around here, it's very stressful.

Last night I was awake from 1am to 4am just worrying about it all while dh slept soundly.

Never - you're so right. Our town has a fast rail link to London. I can't see prices coming down, but if they do, it always seems to be with a reluctance to lend for mortgages

Can you look for other towns with cheaper properties if he won't budge? I would've bought anywhere when we got our house but my husband was very particular. I searched and searched for compromise.

We now live in Letchworth. Our three-bed house is worth about 210k I think. There are fast trains to Kings Cross. Nice for a family.

Oh hopeful, dh won't move to Letchworth. Why? God knows. It's a very affordable and nice town to live. We are about 10 miles from you. The kids walk to school by themselves and have new local friends, so I understand why dh wants to stay. And so do the kids. But there has to be give and take. Which to me man's buying anything we can, while we still can. neighbouring villages are cheaper. But still a no no apparently

Means not man's

yanbu, a 3 bed flat with garden sounds lovely. £150 a month saving is a bonus too. I wouldn't rent privately for long if you can avoid it, not with DC to consider. As you have found out private landlords can pull the plug at the drop of a hat and it really means you can't guarantee stability.

Oh they certainly can. We rented a house from a landlord less than month after he bought it. A few months later it was back on the market, totally in breach of our tenancy agreement. We didn't even know itwas for sale, find out through friends

He sounds like a bit of a man child OP. Has he actually viewed houses in your budget?

Decades of renting with nothing to show for it or decades of a mortgage with a nice property that is a big asset at the end?

Your DH sounds completely unreasonable. It is time he started acting like a grown up, your kids need a stable home and you can buy what you can afford.

It is also far more sensible to buy a cheaper flat with lower repayments because that way if anything should go wrong you have less money to find to pay the mortgage.

A spacious (relatively) flat or moving to a cheaper area is also much better than buying a huge restoration project when money is already tight. The only think I agree with your DH on is 'no' to buying somewhere small; living on top of each other is very stressful.

I think a house is probably better than a flat with 3 DC's but you are right to want to own a property. I think having an upstairs is preferable to all on one floor with 3 DC's.