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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not got to this Christening because I feel hurt?

54 replies

Meh84 · 14/03/2015 16:22

A little while ago a good friend of mine asked me to be godparent to her little boy. I agreed straight away and was really happy she's asked.

Two weeks ago I get a really odd text from her, saying that her eldest is upset that he's not involved and they're going to put some names in a hat and he'll choose three godparents, the lucky person would get a text if they were choosen. The text sounded like a pissing game show...the votes are in...good luck everyone and all that bollocks.

So, extremely naive and thinking is get a text...I clearly didn't.

She's just text again asking me to come to the christening, confirming that in indeed nothing to do with it and will be a guest.

So I said no, I'm not coming. Am I being childish? I feel so bloody hurt I really do.

OP posts:
MorgansMummy24 · 14/03/2015 16:24

No I think that's wrong, I wouldn't go either, sounds like she's an attention seeker to be honest, don't give her the reaction or attention she wants

Nanny0gg · 14/03/2015 16:25

They let their eldest child pick godparents out of a hat?

Really?

They're kind of missing the point of godparents there aren't they?

And no, you're not being childish. The whole thing has been handled really badly.

MaidOfStars · 14/03/2015 16:26

She's bonkers.

YANBU to be upset (and very Hmm)

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/03/2015 16:26

You have been treated appallingly by your friend and I'd be upset if I was in your position, what the fuck was she thinking doing this?

That said, is your refusal to go going to ruin your friendship and will you miss her if that is the case.

monkeysaymoo · 14/03/2015 16:26

I'd be annoyed because I think the name in a hat thing is a load of made up bollocks to avoid saying "Eldest is upset so if you don't mind we have changed our mind about having you as a godparent" and instead they can make it look like it was luck of the draw and not their choice at all.

The lying would annoy me more than the act itself

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/03/2015 16:27

If godparents are being picked out of a hat it rather makes a mockery of the whole thing. Yanbu but expect them to cut you off.

TheMoa · 14/03/2015 16:28

It would be childish not to go.

Your friend obviously changed her mind about wanting you as godparent, otherwise shed have rigged the names in the hat!

Are you very close? If so, just ask WTF.

If not, enjoy the party and wish them well.

Is it a Catholic baptism? Are you Catholic/confirmed etc. and actually qualified to be a godparent? Perhaps they came up against a practical stumbling block, but are too embarrassed to say.

Salmotrutta · 14/03/2015 16:28

Oh dear.

Selecting godparents is supposed to be a carefully thought out process isn't it?

Not shoving names in a hat!

Mind you you didn't have to sulk by saying you aren't going.

Number666livesaMrMIller · 14/03/2015 16:28

YANBU! That's crackers! I'd not be going. Plus christenings are soooo dull you'll not be missing much Grin

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 14/03/2015 16:28

SOrry, but you don't choose Godparents out of a hat. Nor do you ask someone to be a godparent and unask them. Nor do you let a child wield so much power in an adult decision.

YOu are not being childish, I would not go either.

Original poster
Meh84 · 14/03/2015 16:28

I thought exactly that...it's not a game! These are the people who will look after your children!

I will miss her tbh, but I just feel so hurt. I've not seen her recently because I've just started a new job, maybe that's it?

OP posts:
DecaffTastesWeird · 14/03/2015 16:29

YANBU. She sounds a bit Hmm

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 14/03/2015 16:29

YOu can be a godparent at a Catholic baptism even if you are not catholic - as long as one godparent is a catholic its OK.

Original poster
Meh84 · 14/03/2015 16:30

Not quite sulking, I wished her and the family a beautiful and happy day

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/03/2015 16:30

When you told her you weren't going what was her response?

finnbarrcar · 14/03/2015 16:30

I wouldn't go. She sounds like an attention seeking idiot. Who would want to be involved with that family anyway? Distance yourself now.

Original poster
Meh84 · 14/03/2015 16:31

She's currently said nothing!

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 14/03/2015 16:35

there is so much more to this story, there has to be otherwise it just does not make sense. there are other ways of involving a sibling in a christening that do not involve changing your plans about god parents. Is there any chance there has been pressure put on her from her DP, parents or ILs about who they feel ought to be GPs, according to some daft family tradition?? whatever the reason you are understandably hurt and have a rigt not to attned. its up to her to make amends for the hurt she has caused you.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 14/03/2015 16:36

I expect the godparents picked from a hat are equally flattered...

Don't go. Sounds like a farce.

I'm not religious but it still winds me up when people make a mockery of religious ceremonies. It's really rude.

MorgansMummy24 · 14/03/2015 16:37

If she cares about you and thinks anything of you then she will push for you to be there but to be honest she sounds like a selfish girl. Godparents are important and picking out of a hat for the sake of a jealous spoilt elder child is pathetic, she should've thought it through properly and only asked when she was certain! i would be asking though straight up what's her problem though as using her eldest child as an exuse seems abit dodgy to me.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 14/03/2015 16:44

Wow... YANBU not to go!

Evabeaversprotege · 14/03/2015 16:45

YANBU. I wouldn't go either.

soontobemumofthree · 14/03/2015 16:46

She must have changed her mind but came up with a ridiculous explanation, a child picking a name out of hat is not "being involved" or appropriate in my opinion.
Possibly if you haven't seen her recently maybe she wondered about the long term commitment to being a godparent, but YANBU to be hurt.
Maybe just try and go back to thinking if you had never been asked, would you have expected to be asked? Rather than wondering about the reason you are not godparent, sounds like she just a mess of organizing it and mess of explaining her change of mind.

MissusThePoint · 14/03/2015 16:52

I'm confused. So you're still on for being Godparent to the little one? Or, in theory at least. Two different christenings, yes?

I don't get why you're hurt. Yes, the whole name out of a hat thing is a completely twatish thing to do. Let alone letting people know what's what's happening?!

But why does it hurt you? Lots of siblings have different God Parents. Being asked to be one for a DC doesn't automatically mean you will be asked for the other DCs. I think it's a bit precious of you if that's the case.

If you're upset because they have completely disregarded the sanctity of the baptism, that's another matter.

What exactly did you say to her? Is it repairable?

Did you realise when you sent it you were potentially kissing goodbye to the relationship, including your God Child to be?

paddyclampo · 14/03/2015 16:55

YABNBU! Have you spoken to her about this? It's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard of! I would phone her and explain how hurt I was.

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