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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not got to this Christening because I feel hurt?

54 replies

Meh84 · 14/03/2015 16:22

A little while ago a good friend of mine asked me to be godparent to her little boy. I agreed straight away and was really happy she's asked.

Two weeks ago I get a really odd text from her, saying that her eldest is upset that he's not involved and they're going to put some names in a hat and he'll choose three godparents, the lucky person would get a text if they were choosen. The text sounded like a pissing game show...the votes are in...good luck everyone and all that bollocks.

So, extremely naive and thinking is get a text...I clearly didn't.

She's just text again asking me to come to the christening, confirming that in indeed nothing to do with it and will be a guest.

So I said no, I'm not coming. Am I being childish? I feel so bloody hurt I really do.

OP posts:
Summerisle1 · 14/03/2015 16:59

This all comes across as an extremely clumsy and not at all convincing way of trying to excuse a change of mind about you being a godparent. So I think I'd be pissed off about their inability to make a decision and stick to it. Would I refuse to go to the christening? Not necessarily but I'd accept that not attending may well spell the end of your friendship since it'll come across as sour grapes. Quite honestly, it all sounds like a shambles anyway and a meaningless one at that.

funkyfoam · 14/03/2015 17:13

It's doubly stupid because if she has changed her mind she could have just added the other people as godparents. Three is traditional but not the law you can have ten if you wish. YANBU

thewomaninwhite · 14/03/2015 17:17

Utterly crazy behaviour and I agree, your friend is missing the point. I would be hurt too. Sorry Op. It all seems very strange indeed. YANBU.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 14/03/2015 17:25

Missus she's not godparent to the older child, the older child isn't being christened.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/03/2015 17:31

Yanbu at all, how rude, and takes the piss out of Christenings and Baptisms. You are right not to go.

Sunnymeg · 14/03/2015 17:37

The number of Godparents isn't normally set in stone. DS has four, two couples as it has always seemed really stupid to me, to only choose one half of a couple as a godparent and then expect their partner to turn up for all the birthday parties etc

Totality22 · 14/03/2015 17:43

I am in the minority but it actually wouldn't bother me at all.

I was asked to be Godmother by a friend [Catholic] and then there was some query as to if I could actually do it as I am not Catholic so I suggested she pick someone else and was secretly very relieved I must say

I realise my situation is slightly different as I couldn't give a flying fuck about being Godmother but even if it had been friend who changed her mind I would have been fine with it.

DontDrinkandFacebook · 14/03/2015 17:47

I don't believe she let her son pick them out of a hat. I think she had a change of heart, perhaps her DH disagreed with her choice and wanted more say, and she's made this up to try not to lose face with you.

It's bollocks. If she genuinely changed her mind and wanted to withdraw the offer she should have at least had the decency to apologise and tell you the truth herself. I don't blame you for not wanting to go. It's a shit way to behave.

ooerrmissus · 14/03/2015 17:47

I would just have said you'd had 3 invitations for that date, you will put them all in a hat and attend whichever one you pull out first.

YANBU she's changed her mind but doesn't have the balls to say so.

TyrannosaurusBex · 14/03/2015 17:52

Does this mean that she'd asked a whole bunch of people to be godparents originally, or did a load of unsuspecting innocents have their names bunged into the hat?

Yikesivedoneitagain · 14/03/2015 17:57

Being a godparent isn't about looking after the children in the event of a parent's death - it's about leading the child spiritually and encouraging and facilitating their relationship with God. I chose godparents who were active in their church for my children, not necessarily my best pals.

MorgansMummy24 · 14/03/2015 17:57

Oh ooeemissus that is hilarious Grin

DextersMistress · 14/03/2015 17:57

Yanbu. This happened to me, only I wasn't told until the day at the church. I was devastated and humiliated.

Fwiw, I think her story is bollocks and she simply changed her mind.

MorgansMummy24 · 14/03/2015 17:59

It's never about faith these days it's become a fashion to hVe your child baptised so you can throw a good party and show your child off

Bunbaker · 14/03/2015 18:05

"I would just have said you'd had 3 invitations for that date, you will put them all in a hat and attend whichever one you pull out first."

Good answer Grin

Sagethyme · 14/03/2015 18:06

OP i am slightly confused. Where you initially invited to be a Godparent to the youngest son? Were the names in the hat for the eldest son? Are you still a Godparent?
I'd be really hurt if i had a friend close enough to ask me to be a Godparent, made up a completely ridiculous story to 'un-invite me', i wouldn't be hurt if there was a valid reason, but i would want the truth. After all i believe "thou shalt not lie" is one of the ten commandments! Seems your friend may need a quick Scripture lesson before committing their child's sole to God!

Sagethyme · 14/03/2015 18:07

Gah Soul not sole.....hmmm maybe fish tonight!

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 14/03/2015 18:19

She should have respected you enough to just tell the truth. The names in a hat thing simply cannot be true. If they've had a change of heart, she should have been straight about it. It was a shabby way to treat you.

YANBU to be upset, and I do understand you not wanting to attend at all.

Boreoff456 · 14/03/2015 18:19

Yanbu to be honest the term 'godparent' is obviously meaningless to her anyway. So I wouldn't want to be the person she picked either. Clearly a baptism for the party.

Laquitar · 14/03/2015 18:21

Tell her that you did your own draw too.

You had 2 pieces of paper in a hat, one saying 'Christening', the other saying 'pub lunch'.
Oops sorry the 'pub' one came out.

Laquitar · 14/03/2015 18:23

Sorry just seen someone else said that before!

miniavenger · 14/03/2015 18:32

YANBU, I suspect your friend is lying and either changed her mind or asked someone else.

If she's telling the truth then that's pretty sad.

BalloonSlayer · 14/03/2015 18:33

Look, Godparents are not "people who will look after your children if you die."

If you want to nominate someone to take your DCs should you die you need to a) ask them first and then b) stipulate it in your will.

Anyone who thinks that if they and their partner die their children will be automatically taken in by their godparents, because they think the godparents have consented to this in agreeing to be godparents, is delusional to the point of barking.

Godparents promise to pray for the child, support them in growing up a Christian and encourage them to be confirmed. And that's about it.

Right . . .

That out of the way - OP, I tend to think that if you feel any Christening-related chagrin means that you should not attend. Attending (in my whimsical view anyway) sort of puts you in the position of the bad fairy in the Sleeping Beauty. I didn't go to one once because the parents pissed me off, for that reason: I was worried my pissed-off vibes would somehow ruin the ceremony for the poor wee baby.

QuintessentiallyInShade · 14/03/2015 18:34

My children has many God parents, not all Catholic.

I suggest you say "we flipped a coin whether to attend your childs Christening or not, and I am sorry to say we got Tails, and that was a No".

soverylucky · 14/03/2015 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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