to be pissed that I only get negative feedback at work and I'm never involved in team desicions

[sPJPPp]

Maybe I'm just being childish, but its really getting to me that the only feedback i get from my poorly managed team is when things aren't right. One team member seems to always delight in telling me I've done something wrong publicly and always talks down to me. I'm never congratulated on my successes, not that I'm asking for much just a "well done" now and again. When I notice someone's done something wrong or something that could be done better I privately have a word with them or an email and am very careful not to sound like I'm telling them off or patronising them.

I'm pt (3 days a week) and as a result I'm never invited to any of the planning meetings even through I'm in on some days when they happen. Then emails are never sent with the outcomes and its always this smug member of the team that tells me I'm doing something wrong and we've changed how we are going to do it, when if I'm not at the meeting and no one has told me how am I supposed to know?!

Am I being a child about this? Currently pissed as spending my sat morning redoing work as I was kept out of the loop. Getting really demotivated and just grumpy at work.

What does your manager say about this?

Why not ask to go to the meetings that take place when you are there and to be copied in on the outcomes of those that take place when you are not? That would be a positive step by you and show you want to be involved.

The other thing you could do is ask the colleague you describe as smug what was discussed in the meeting, have there been any changes, etc? I would ask publicly then you have witnesses and with any luck someone will offer to forward you the notes.

But, as Alternative asks, where is your manager in this?

sounds like a horrible work situation.

I'd find another job where I was appreciated and included.

Speak to your manager.
Ensure you are included in the meetings on the days you are there.
Point out that it's accepted good practice for minutes and action plan points to be disseminated via email. Follow up any points you are unsure of.
Surely that has to be more productive than becoming grumpy and demotivated, which is bound to be reflected in your performance.

My manager has aknowledged many of the things we are rubbish at and says he's working on them, says nothing about the smug person, but they are friends outside of work.

Not sure how I can be included in the meetings as they are usually just informal asking a few memebers of the time if they've got some time now, so never sure if they are something sensitive or something I should be included in. I'm getting so demotivated I just not sure if I should raise it, Imight come across as childish and as if I want a "gold star for doing my work".

Its just really annoying that over half of the team get included in decisions about what we do, and the other half don't as if they are not valid. Worse than that these decisions are not told to everyone, so I usually get a smug im telling me from a peer who loves having superiority.

Maybe you're not as great an employee/worker that you think you are? You should talk to someone, get involved more either through physical presence at meetings or copies of meeting

You need to push that back at your manager to say 'how are YOU getting the information about decisions to all your staff, and why are YOU not holding meetings with staff who need to be involved in decisions, as it is just wasting time when YOU don't cascade information down to YOUR staff'.

It sounds to me like one of those work cultures where your face has to fit to progress of be acknowledged.

It's utterly toxic , demoralising and unpleasant if you aren't one of the chosen ones as nothing you ever do is good enough. I'm just escaping from a similar setup myself and suggest you dust off your CV and have a look at what else is out there.

*or be acknowledged. Stupid phone.

Well if you're not prepared to push any of the suggestions here and have decided that you can't change anything by taking some responsibility for challenge nothing is going to improve, is it?

Why not ask your manager for something like a development review, or whatever you might want to call it. Do you have anything like an annual assessment? If you're not due for one, that's where the review could be handy - discuss how you're getting on with any targets you might have and then raise these issues as AOB at the end of the meeting ( they might come up naturally anyway).

Try to keep your emotions out of the meeting (I am PARTICULARLY crap at this, so am only too well aware how counterproductive it is), and make sure you go in to the meeting with some notes and a pen so you a) don't forget what you want to say and b) can make notes at the time.

Ask for an email confirming anything you agree, e.g. meetings you are not in will be minuted, regardless of how ad hoc they are as important decisions are being made.

Just my initial thoughts on reading your OP.

Everyone's successes in a team need to be recognised if it is to be a fully functioning team. It seems it is endemic in the culture of your team to be cliquey and to exclude.

It may help to have a private meeting with your manager (not let on to any of the team member) and talk to them in constructive not negative terms, so after mentioning the top 2 or 3 problem areas, "here are a few ideas about how I think we could improve things"

I think being positive may help to stop you coming across as critical or petty because you are helping set a better future in the team. It will be interesting to see how receptive your manager is, or whether they are part of the problem!

It will be interesting to see how receptive your manager is, or whether they are part of the problem!

If a team is behaving like this, it is always the manager who is responsible. That's their job. The staff should not be 'being told off' by other team members, or be belittled because the manager doesn't keep their team up to speed with info, or doesn't involve them in team meetings. It is 100% their problem.

Hi sPJPPp it doesn't sound like a great situation and if you are demotivated then I expect others are. My advice is:

• work out how you would like things to be and make some positive suggestions to your boss (using positive pro opposite language) - e.g. It would be very helfpul if the team could blah blah (rather than it is awful when the team does not)

• keep your dealing with this smug person to a very professional level, never stooping to their level (if it were me I would try and befriend them because they will find it harder to be smug IMVHO - I would not say this for bullies or trouble makes but if they are just smug it could work!

• make sure the brief on whatever work you do is correct, before starting work, if anyone questions this checking up I would just say very politely that you had to re-do work (missing out on your Saturday morning) because of miscommunication and you want to get the full brief first

Good luck.

I agree Alternatve

This sort of behaviour is always the manager 'a responsibility. However unless the OP approaches the manager assertively and in a solution focused way, nothing is going to improve.

Thanks everyone, I'm done with redoing work and now I'm making notes for my next review. It will be in a few weeks time so I'm preparing for it. Always had good reviews / payrises and bonus so think my work is good, just within my own team it never gets mentioned.

I have to stay there at least another 6 weeks as to get the bonus, so would be foolish to leave .

The smug person I have tried to befriend, but he still loves talking down to me. He's switched to being freelance and so it is in his interests to make me look bad to keep him on. Once he goes it should be better, but he keeps on being extended.

There are two more new people starting next week so hoping the dynamic changes. Still will wait it out until after my review, just annoying doing a job that's pissing me off when financially I'd I'm not in a dire need of the money.

Your team is actively discriminating against a part time member of staff, this is illegal. This is not a clash of personalities.
If your team does not have a formal method of disseminating information they need to develop one ..right now, ! you also need to take this to senior management as you line manager needs retraining if the company is not going to be liable for this.
You need to do this so there is a formal record of the issue. It is not your job to retrain your line manager, you do not need to approach them, and you need to be clear that any repercussions from your complaint will be treated as further discrimination and harassment.

Are you planning on leaving when you get the bonus or using your review to effect positive changes?

If the latter, perhaps it would be a god idea to write a full report of your concerns and email it to your manager for discussion.

Any negative repercussions that is.

And if your manager is unreceptive escalate it to senior management.

YANBU. In fact, are you me?

I'm having a terrible time at work. Nothing I do is ever good enough. Not from my managers, it has to be said, but from colleagues who like you op delight in pointing out petty faults (I'm talking the odd and very easily fixable typo here), disagreeing with me, excluding me deliberately then berating me for not knowing things. I have been very publicly humiliated on more than one occasion.

We have to staff front line desks and if they are short I avail myself and usually the response is "no, not you, we'll ask someone else". Yet on the rare occasions I need cover, I can't get anyone to help.

My crime is that I am 'new' (7 years into the job!) and was appointed at a higher level than others. I am ambitious and am being supported to develop. It's jealousy, I know that, but it's very hard to deal with.

Manchester..any attempt at public humiliation can be dealt with by asking immediatly for a full apology and withdrawal of the remarks made, immediately and in front of those people who heard the remarks, otherwise you will make a formal complaint about the person who made them.

Ilovesooty, respectfully, the direct manager is not the person to complain to in the first instance.

Exactly alternative, that is my point It is always the manager, as the leader who employees look to for guidance, at the heart of bad divisive behaviour. It should be down to them to set the high standards, reality says people have their own agenda.

As the OP mentioned, the manager is pally-pally with one of the main culprits outside work, chances are they will have a blind spot to their behaviour and may even be endorsing it. All power games!