to be pissed that I only get negative feedback at work and I'm never involved in team desicions

[sPJPPp]

Maybe I'm just being childish, but its really getting to me that the only feedback i get from my poorly managed team is when things aren't right. One team member seems to always delight in telling me I've done something wrong publicly and always talks down to me. I'm never congratulated on my successes, not that I'm asking for much just a "well done" now and again. When I notice someone's done something wrong or something that could be done better I privately have a word with them or an email and am very careful not to sound like I'm telling them off or patronising them.

I'm pt (3 days a week) and as a result I'm never invited to any of the planning meetings even through I'm in on some days when they happen. Then emails are never sent with the outcomes and its always this smug member of the team that tells me I'm doing something wrong and we've changed how we are going to do it, when if I'm not at the meeting and no one has told me how am I supposed to know?!

Am I being a child about this? Currently pissed as spending my sat morning redoing work as I was kept out of the loop. Getting really demotivated and just grumpy at work.

Trying to prove discrimination for some of the low-level type of actions the OP describes (things that chip away at confidence, which can be very covert underhand, not immediately obvious) is very difficult to prove IME. Therefore trying to prove they have committed an "illegal" act is not a good use of effort. And can make the wronged person look worse from it.

Better to tackle the matter through line management. Be conciliatory and constructive would be my advice. Document everything officially. Also be honest about efforts you can make personally to improve your performance. Nobody is perfect!

I would suggest to the manager that a weekly team meeting is formalised on a day when everyone is there - say particularly with new people starting and him wanting to change things around. As for smug person - any points he raises say you will speak to the manager as you really want his lead on x y z.

If processes are changed are they documented? Perhaps suggest a team update file which is passed to each team member to read the update and sign that they have read and understood - these could form part of the team meeting also. Offer to take ownership of this.

darkness if that manager is responsible for the meetings and the team I think they should have the chance to deal with the situation first. I'd escalate it if they didn't tackle it robustly. I don't think it's appropriate to go over the team manager's head straight away.

I agree daisychain01

I feel your frustration and sense of injustice!

I worked as a senior A&E nurse in a big town hospital and the senior charge nurse took an instant dislike to me and continually found fault even when they all turned out to be groundless.

I never realised at the time how this affected the other senior staffs attitude to me and clearly affected their opinion of my work. This showed itself one day when the senior sister worked on my team and said treat her as one of the nurses (it was clearly a test of my competency) I did and at the end of the shift she said in amazement I had managed my team brilliantly. I just said I hadn't done anything differently, which was true.

Be aware of how this grinds you down and try to stop this type of bullying. I'm still angry about it and how I just accepted it all.

Sorry to hear that Manchester

Thanks daisy that's exactly it, they are minor low level things that really shouldnt matter but they keep chipping away and it's the accumulation of them. If I try to put them down on paper just makes me look like a highly sensitive tool IMO.

I had someone at work shout and swear at me in a very aggressive way, raised it to the manager and he apologised and spoken to him but no appolgy from the guy, but was happy to hear someone else call this guy a "deeply unpleasant person and a bully"

Sometimes I think its just easier to leave, than to bother going to lots of effort just to get treated in a decent way.

If your manager didn't deal with it appropriately and you put in a written complaint you need to escalate it to senior management or HR then.

You have to document these issues to have a basis for a grievance which you're perfectly entitled to submit.

Unless people assert their right to respect and dignity in the workplace nothing changes.

I am surprised that the majority of voices here suggest that the most appropriate manner of dealing with this is confrontation.
In a situation where there is discrimination and the person responsible for the discrimination has more power than the complainant the responsibility is not for the person lower down the ladder to "fix" the person higher up the ladder. Frequently these circumstances are created by casual abuse.
The person suffering moves a step further up the ladder and suggests that there are some problems that they feel may be better solved by top down rather than bottom up pressure this can be handled sensitively and their involvement or responsibility for the process of "re_education" can be minimised, thus preventing a deterioration in already poor relationships.
Confrontation means all future actions in this will be related to the complainant.
Normally on a thread like this I would just shrug and leave it when I am contradicted, but the approach suggested here is quite potentially damaging and is not effective.

Perhaps it depends on the workplace. In my company I'd take it up with my line manager initially then follow the grievance process as laid down in our procedures. I have to say it wouldn't even be happening where I work though.
In my last workplace I tackled it by involving my union.
What I don't think the OP should do is shrug and leave rather than make any proactive effort to resolve the problem. If she gets another job, what is she going to do if it happens again? Leave again rather than tackle it?

Darkness I agree that confrontation is less constructive than trying to make suggestions for improvement. That said, the normal escalation path, even if that escalation is a quiet and friendly meeting with the person's next chain-of-command Manager, is an appropriate next step, and highly likely to be in an HR policy.

If I was confronted with this situation I would deal with it like that.

The "suggestions for improvements" would need to be directly linked to the problems sP is personally experiencing because her performance and wellbeing is being compromised and impacted by other team members rather poor behaviour. It would be less "political" to couch it in terms of improvements, rather than naming individuals. It would take a pretty incompetent manager not to join the dots and know who the main culprits are in sPs team!

sP I hope you get this sorted out, as it wouldn't be in your best interests to resign, as it means the other people will be "off the hook" and why should you have the hassle of finding a new role.

Absolutely, sooty

I can't imagine it happening in my team. It does need a strong culture And for people to know it wouldn't be acceptable - management would take it seriously. But I know smaller companies are often less formalised and people can get away with murder and no one picks them up on it!

daisychain01 we're a relatively small company but bullying is absolutely not tolerated. Yes it needs a strong culture.

I'm still wondering if the OP is going to be sufficiently proactive to attempt to effect any change or whether she's just going to moan and resign.