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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IABU to think that the Doctor’s surgery would pass on my address to anyone? Thought I was safe. Bit scared.

36 replies

helpmekeepstrong · 13/03/2015 20:32

I’ll try and keep this short and to the point but it is a bit complicated.
I ran away from an abusive relationship and went to hide in a Refuge.
We were not allowed to divulge the address and had only a PO Box for post.
We were not allowed to acknowledge anything except the PO Box number and then only to trusted sources for all of our safety. Even my own daughters didn’t know where I was for their own safety.
The only people who had a link between my Refuge address and my old address is the Doctors and the Bank.
I have moved to a new address now and have spent five weeks feeling increasingly safe and at home.
The Refuge forwarded a letter today which connects to my old home address.
It’s from a Debt Collector who say that they have bought the debt from another agency.
My ex had access to my bank account, my card and my computer and god knows what he has run up in debt on-line.
I’ve asked the Refuge to send any letter they get now direct back to the sender as ‘not known’
But if someone has been able to find me at the Refuge, then they will be able to find me here.
And if a debt collector can, then maybe he can.
Please has anyone got any ideas about how this could happen and how I could stop being found?
Panicking a bit tbh.
Any help welcome.

OP posts:
FabULouse · 13/03/2015 20:38

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Foffyouwanker · 13/03/2015 20:42

Could he have seen something on your bank statement that showed the area you're in?

TeaOneSugar · 13/03/2015 20:43

It won't be your GP surgery, they follow strict information governance procedures and don't pass your details to anyone unless its for clinical care or they're legally required to for things like safeguarding.

Original poster
helpmekeepstrong · 13/03/2015 20:43

but I'm not on the electoral role - I make sure that I can't be traced and we can't be on the electoral role at the refuge. I'm not on it now. My married name was a very common one.

OP posts:
Original poster
helpmekeepstrong · 13/03/2015 20:45

I have, this week sent out deed poll reverting to my family name, which is uncommon. I'm worried.

OP posts:
FabULouse · 13/03/2015 20:49

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missymayhemsmum · 13/03/2015 20:50

Am I right in thinking that the debt collector wrote to your old address,
Where the letter was forwarded to the refuge PO Box, and the refuge forwarded the letter to your new address (which only they had)? The Debt Collector doesn't know your new address, and even if they did they wouldn't tell your ex.

The likelihood is that if your bank had the refuge address it will appear on credit reports, and therefore on a debt recovery search. If the refuge direct post as 'not known' you will not know whether anyone has taken you to court, for instance.
Did you freeze your bank accounts/ cancel cards and ensure that your ex couldn't take out any further debt in your name?

You need to take some specialist advice, as once you take out financial services at your new address it may link to your old address, but that doesn't mean your ex will have access to the information.

Original poster
helpmekeepstrong · 13/03/2015 20:50

Foffyouwanker no one knows where I am -apart from my daughters and the friend who came to rescue me. No one. I didn't change my address until a month after I escaped and then only told the bank and the doctor my new address - the doc because I needed the new doc to be able to have my records forwarded. I don't know how this could have happened. I thought I was safe and away

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 13/03/2015 20:50

debt collection I believe has legal powers to gain an address from the likes of banks etc but I would suspect it is unlikely to be your GP

RealHousewifeOfSheffield · 13/03/2015 20:53

I too would think they got the refuge address from the bank.

Sorry OP, hope you can feel safe at your new address

countessmarkyabitch · 13/03/2015 20:56

Didn't the debt collectors letter just go to the PO Box, as intended?

Original poster
helpmekeepstrong · 13/03/2015 20:57

missymayhemsmum The likelihood is that if your bank had the refuge address it will appear on credit reports, and therefore on a debt recovery search Is that right? Oh god. It'll all start again. The bailiffs will be coming and everything he's done won't ever go away. I'll never have peace, I'll never be safe. He's disappeared back into the gypsy world and I'm left with it. I could choke I'm so scared.

OP posts:
steff13 · 13/03/2015 20:58

If you signed a lease at your new residence, it would be on your credit report, wouldn't it? That's how it works here, I'm not sure if it's the same in the UK.

If this is an issue, should you consider legally changing your whole identity?

FabULouse · 13/03/2015 21:02

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Feckeggblue · 13/03/2015 21:02

Your address is not on your credit files. Debt collectors have NO right to get your address from the bank. I would be amazed if it were the bank
Or GP

Can you speak to someone at the hostel for advice? I'd be tempted to call the debt collector (withold your number) and ask them directly.

So sorry this is happening. Try not to panic. You're not at the refuge anymore, it doesn't mean they'll find your new address

Original poster
helpmekeepstrong · 13/03/2015 21:04

steff13 I've changed my name, I've lived in a Refuge (officially homeless) for 6 months, I've hidden - what else can I do? I don't have a lease, I have a tenancy agreement but as they know I'm fleeing domestic violence they can't share my address with any one.

OP posts:
countessmarkyabitch · 13/03/2015 21:05

and even if they do have the address of the refuge, that doesn't mean anyone else has it.
And anyway, you're not at the refuge anymore. You have a new address which they obviously don't have.

Original poster
helpmekeepstrong · 13/03/2015 21:11

FabULouse 'It' is all the worry, the panic. I thought I was safe. My husband thought that paying bills was a fools game and left me to sort out creditors. It was a nightmare and a terrible job sorting out how to get money from him to keep them at bay. He was a brutal man and No meant No. What ever the consequences. Waking up in a panic in the early hours is something I thought I was safe from.

OP posts:
Original poster
helpmekeepstrong · 13/03/2015 21:14

countessmarkyabitch but do you see, if they found me there, they can find me here. I thought the Refuge was the stopping point from where I could go on and be free and safe.

OP posts:
MillieV · 13/03/2015 21:17

Feckeggblue

You're wrong. I access my credit report all the time. It always shows the address my bank account is linked to, and warns me if there are discrepancies between all my different accounts. A few months ago, for example, it warned me that my iPad was still registered to my old address and not the new one. The credit report has kept track of my linked addresses for the past 10 years (!!) at least - not from electoral roll records, but simply addresses linked to (a) any bank account, (b) any credit card/loan, etc. and (c) any mobile phone account.

Original poster
helpmekeepstrong · 13/03/2015 21:17

Feckeggblue how did they find the Refuge? Have you any ideas? This has been going round in my head all day. I just don't understand how they could find the Refuge address.
And today should have been such a good day. I thought I was free.

OP posts:
MillieV · 13/03/2015 21:18

OP you have to sort out the finance part of your life. If he really took on all that debt in your name, you have to sort that out, otherwise, debt collectors will find you again and again.

MillieV · 13/03/2015 21:19

OP read my comment above... That explains how they found you.

MagicMojito · 13/03/2015 21:20

So sorry you are in this awful situation Flowers

What is the main concern atm? Is it the worry of your abusive ex finding you or the worry over the debt collector situation? X

Original poster
helpmekeepstrong · 13/03/2015 21:26

MillieV so my address is shown as it is at present, the Refuge and the previous home address via the bank. Oh God.
I don't have an ipad and only have a pay as you go mobile, but I do now have a broadband provider who PROMISE that as my husband wants to kill me, I am untraceable through them.
I am very worried. I have only just got used to not checking the doors three times before I go to bed and walking with my head down staring at the pavement.
I was just getting to the point where I felt able to approach the thought of being able to get a job. Fuck.

OP posts: