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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel anxious each Friday re weekly child achievement awards

40 replies

RealHousewifeOfSheffield · 13/03/2015 16:01

It's so silly, so I know IABU.
But it's getting to the point now that each Friday I get a knot of tension in my stomach while waiting at the school gate. And each week DS comes out (totally oblivious to my neuroticism) and I have to ask him within 5 mins if he got star of the week, and he says no.
My heart sinks.
Some have had it multiple times, some like my DS just once. But why don't the teachers just do it equally Sad
I know, I know I'm a grown up and IA totally U

OP posts:
Original poster
RealHousewifeOfSheffield · 13/03/2015 16:01

Oh, DS is yr1

OP posts:
OohMrDarcy · 13/03/2015 16:03

seriously... stop asking him! If he got it he'll come out bouncing to tell you!

I know it can feel a personal slight if your DC doesn't get it - DS is reception and hasn't got it yet, DD was one of the first when she started...

Its all a round robin thing - he'll get it at some point this year

Camolips · 13/03/2015 16:04

In the nicest possible way, stop asking!! He must feel like a miserable failure every Friday when the first thing you ask him is this! Honestly, is it important? No, not really. Grin

TheMoa · 13/03/2015 16:06

Why do you keep asking him? You're going to give the poor child a complex.

Star of the week is pretty meaningless in most schools, but they can hardly advertise the fact by just awarding it to everyone in turn.

Presumably those who receive it have made some effort, and done something worth noting.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 13/03/2015 16:07

Why ask him? If he is totally oblivious, great, but as he gets a little bit older he'll clock on to you doing it, and he will pick up some of the angst.

As long as each child has had it at least once, I think it's then fair enough to hand it out for special kindnesses/achievement etc.

Paintedpinksapphires · 13/03/2015 16:10

Yes, you are being unreasonable and what's more you are being unkind to your child. He will (and probably has already) pick up on your disappointment that he hasn't won more often.

You ask him every week? Why? Consider what purpose it serves. Why do you care?

I am completely unaware of how many times star of the week has been given out in my children's classes or if anyone has had it more than once.

They have both won it once and we were enthusiastic and duly showed DGPs the certificate etc.

But.. It doesn't mean anything. Their report card means something, the parents night report means something, the number of play dates they are invited to, their smiling faces coming out of school. These are the things that are important.

If you are asking every week, it is fulfilling some sort of need in yourself. You need to take a look at that.

MogTheForgetfulCat · 13/03/2015 16:10

Why should the teachers do it equally? It becomes meaningless then. As long as there is a broad range of things for which it may be awarded, so that all kids get an equal crack at it, that should be fair enough.

And he might not come bouncing out to tell you - I had no idea until the Spring parents' evening when DS2 was in Y1 that he had been Learner of the Week multiple times Grin.

Stop asking him Wink

Ohnodisaster · 13/03/2015 16:11

Parents are invited to the assemblies that they hand them out in at dd's school. I'm sure I'm more nervous than her when they announce them!
For the record she hasn't had one yet this year and was one of the last ones to get it last year. It kills me! Wink

finnbarrcar · 13/03/2015 16:14

Speaking as a primary school teacher, I can tell you it's a crock of shite. We spend the five minutes before assembly running around frantically asking the TA if they can remember anyone who's stood out that week (we have to write a specific reason for the award on the certificate). Every week the same one or two in the class have done well but we can't give it to them every week, we have to "spread it around" and come up with the most spurious, tenuous reasons for awarding it.

Utter, utter shite. Absolutely pointless stressing over it, it means NADA.

facedontfit · 13/03/2015 16:23

Mine was never Star of the Week, or Secret Student, or a mention in the school newsletter or on the school council.............

AIBU to think my child is overlooked?

yes I do stew about it

Morelikeguidelines · 13/03/2015 16:32

Stop asking, I agree.

Dd never gets it - never - but I just had a parents evening with teacher telling me how amazing she is.

Not stealth boast but I think they often give it to those who are struggling..

gleegeek · 13/03/2015 16:42

I really understand how you're feeling, but you really really need to try to hide it from your ds!

In 7 years at primary school, dd got one headteacher's award and one star of the week. Other children were awarded stuff constantly. I call them 'golden' children - they can do no wrong, chosen for every school team/main part in assembly/even taking the bloody register to the office!

Dd started secondary this year and they give them house points for good work/manners/kindness etc etc. She has amassed such a huge total that we got a letter from her head of year saying her effort and achievements have been noted and she is a great addition to the school Grin

I think sometimes your child isn't a good fit for a particular teacher/school and can be overlooked. Things may change for your ds next year or in years to come.

HTH

shrunkenhead · 13/03/2015 16:48

Apparently they are doled out to those that need spurring on a bit, the good students the ones that genuinely excel Don't need the praise or encouragement so don't take it as a bad sign, he's probably just keeping his head down and getting on with his work.

BackforGood · 13/03/2015 16:54

Yes, as you have already acknowledged, YABVU - especially the asking, you'll be giving him a complex.
If the teacher just gives it out to everyone in turn, then it becomes a meaningless exercise, so of course they don't do that.

Original poster
RealHousewifeOfSheffield · 13/03/2015 16:54

Yep you're totally right and I need to stop asking Blush
I know how this sounds and I feel pathetic. Reality firmly checked

OP posts:
Paintedpinksapphires · 13/03/2015 16:56

Mumsnet - excellent for a wonderful kick up the arse! Grin

I'm sure your DS is doing fine, the school would let you know if he wasn't.

BeeRayKay · 13/03/2015 16:58

I think this whole "dole out to whoever needs it most" is a bit... not true?

I specifically asked my daughters teacher about this, not because she doesn't get it. But because she gets it so often . I was concerned because I thought she was falling behind in some way....her teacher was adamant they genuinely only give them to the child deserving of it in that school.

But in regards to you, honestly, stop asking him. As long as he is kind, caring, being nurtured and learning...well isn't that all that matters?

Heels99 · 13/03/2015 17:00

Could you go back to work n, do some volunteering so your life doesn't revolvearound this?

theknackster · 13/03/2015 17:01

DS1 is keeping a tally of the certificates (2 per week) in his class, 'boys vs girls'. I think it's something like 36-6 in favour of the girls, and the boy / girl ratio in his class is about 2/1, to make it worse.

He suspects his teacher favours the girls a little Grin

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 13/03/2015 17:04

Wow Heels that escalated quickly... Hmm

Paintedpinksapphires · 13/03/2015 17:11

Heels that was not only rude but unhelpful.

You have no idea whether the OP works or not.

She's also already very politely and with good grace taken everyone's advice on board which makes your comment look even worse.

derxa · 13/03/2015 17:28

It is mostly as finnbarrcar described but it is genuinely given to someone who has done something worthy

MinimalistMommi · 13/03/2015 17:28

I always assumed they just ticked off the register so your DC will get it at some point in the school year.

PtolemysNeedle · 13/03/2015 18:31

If teachers did it equally, it would be a pointless reward, and the children will have picked up on that by the end of the first term.

meglet · 13/03/2015 18:36

try to stop asking him.

I knew a parent who got really stressed by this too and complied a spreadsheet of all the kids in her then y1 ds's class who had had awards Blush .

mention it to the teacher if others are already on 2/3 awards and he hasn't had anything. It does give them a boost to stand up and be congratulated on these things.