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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mother's Day, Church and Brownies

83 replies

curlyweasel · 13/03/2015 13:19

DD is a brownie at a unit associated with a local church. Yesterday I got a slip from the Brown Owl stating that DD is expected at church this Sunday at 10.15am to represent her unit and that she must bring me along (to be presented with flowers). Apparently, as a unit associated with this particular church, attendance is very important.

AIBU to tell them to do one? AIBU to expect to stay in bed until at least 11am hopefully with a hangover and to spend MD with my daughter and baby son as I see fit?

Part of me thinks that as I signed her up for this particular unit, then we should go. The other part thinks this is actually a day for me to chose what I want to do (slight disclaimer: we do do other activities outside of the weekly Brownie meeting e.g. Rememberance Sunday march).

I want a lie in!

OP posts:

Moresmores · 13/03/2015 14:30

I'm a brownie guider. We ask the girls to come to one service a year Remembrance Sunday. We also explain why we go and generally get a great turn out.

Have your lie in! Brownies is not about church attendance.

Moresmores · 13/03/2015 14:33

We do loads in our community just not via church services/parades.

AugustRose · 13/03/2015 14:34

Our unit has no religious affiliation that I am aware of, at least we haven't been asked to attend any. And I would want a lie in on Mother's Day - not that I'll get one!

Pastamancer · 13/03/2015 14:35

We wait and see who turns up at Rememberance Parade before choosing who will lay the wreath and carry the flag. Somebody letting us know a couple days before would not affect us in the slightest.

Original poster

curlyweasel · 13/03/2015 14:35

Tywy I only got the slip (posted through my door) last night!

OP posts:

TywysogesGymraeg · 13/03/2015 14:38

In that case curly I apologise for that last rant - though I stil think DD should go!

Brown Owl is obviously a bit disorganised. A slip through the door is not the best way to let you know either - I would have discussed with the Brownie and/or you in person.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 13/03/2015 14:38

I attended the service last year with DD. It was a very low turn out by other members of the unit, which I thought was a shame. I am not religious at all, but thought the service was lovely. The brownies that did show up read poems they had written themselves about their mums.
I can't go this year (stuck in hospital :( ) so DD will miss this year as I think it would upset her to see the other girls giving flowers to their mums. Me being in hospital (and ICU on a ventilator for 4 weeks) is enough upset for her.

I see it as part of being in her unit, and she should attend and take part in all activities where possible.
That said if you and your DD really don't want to go then it makes sense not to.

Marynary · 13/03/2015 14:39

It's hardly a service to the community if you're forcing mothers in that community to get up earlier than they would like to on Mothers day...

Hoppinggreen · 13/03/2015 14:41

When DD was in Brownies I found a simpler" I'm sorry but we don't go to Church" was enough, even when DD as told she HAD to go.
DS is in Beavers now and I will do the same with him if we get asked.

Original poster

curlyweasel · 13/03/2015 14:43

Well it's by the by now as I've sent apologies.

Do you mean for DD to go on her own, without me? That would work!

Not sure what the overall verdict has been, but I must say I feel less unreasonable now. Thanks for leader viewpoints

Littleprincess So sorry you're poorly xx Hope you get better soon xx

OP posts:

Original poster

curlyweasel · 13/03/2015 14:44

Marynary Well, quite

OP posts:

GahBuggerit · 13/03/2015 14:48

yanbu

but....but but but....mothers day churchwise is a big deal, celebrating Mary, and happens on the 4th sunday during lent, hence why its often on a different date each year. not knowing much about guides etc id say if they are affiliated with a church i can understand why the church would want them there as it is a special day for the church.

but id still be saying "nah".

jemimapd · 13/03/2015 14:51

I'd skip it, no one will care you're missing and no one will remember in a week or 2. Lie in!

funkyfoam · 13/03/2015 14:54

My old unit used to have church parade once a month, (we used the church hall). It's not something I got worked up about but did get a bit cheesed off when every Brownie could always make an exciting day out but all but two or three of them left me sitting alone in the pews every month. I wasn't actually very keen on being there every four weeks myself! A bit of support would have been nice.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 13/03/2015 15:42

Thanks Curly. Been in hospital nearly 9 weeks now, and DC have found it really hard. They visit but it's not the same.
DD did a flower arrangement and decorated a vase at brownies this week and she was upset that she can't give it to me. (MIL has them instead so they are being enjoyed) so I think the service would be a bad idea.

Fauxlivia · 13/03/2015 23:25

Serving thr community does not mean attending church and I would not take kindly to being told by anyone that I am expected to go yo church.

So I would stay home and have my lie in and tell the brownie leader to fuck off

TywysogesGymraeg · 13/03/2015 23:30

Attending church is one way of serving the community. There are others obvs.

Permanentlyexhausted · 13/03/2015 23:47

and tell the brownie leader to fuck off

This makes me feel sad, even though you may have meant it tongue in cheek. It reminds me that there really are parents who feel this way about me despite all the hours and hours of unpaid time I spend trying to make sure their daughters have a really wonderful experience and caring for their emotional wellbeing.

Fauxlivia · 13/03/2015 23:50

Well I wouldn't say it to you. Unless you were ordering me to go to church without actually asking me if I had plans/want to attend church!

I really like my dds brownie leader. But then, she is polite and doesn't try to make me give up my plans to accommodate her religion.

Whensmyturn · 13/03/2015 23:57

I think if you get up at 5/6am all week and are working full time you deserve a lie in at weekends. You're clearly doing a lot and getting ill will help no one. Seriously you do need to relax at the weekend or you will get ill.

MoustacheofRonSwanson · 14/03/2015 03:42

I clicked through thinking you meant the squidgy cake/fudge-esque brownies.

Now I am disappointed. Still, maybe it would have been a less of an issue if those were involved as well as flowers, hmm.

BitOutOfPractice · 14/03/2015 04:03

radiatorvalves you are not a single parent (temporary or otherwise) because your DH is away skiing for the weekend.

Curly, enjoy your MD lie in. It always amazed me that DDs' brownie leaders expected us to have no plans of a weekend and/or drop them for church parade. Especially with 3 days notice.

wheresthelight · 14/03/2015 06:08

as a brownie leader I aube never demanded attendance at any service! I a Christian although not a church goer but I don't see how forcing kids to attend is helpful!

as an ex district commissioner I also had 2 units that were church sponsored and we never got pressured into attending Amy services but qere invited to far more than we wanted

I would have said if your dd wanted to go then suck it up and attend but seeing as she doesn't I would just inform brown owl that you have plans/baby was ill and you couldn't go altho most of my parents never said a word

ilovesooty · 14/03/2015 06:58

Why have you sent your apologies to Tawny Owl? You can obviously decide as you see fit but I would have thought it would be courteous to send the apology to the person who issued the invitation.

BathshebaDarkstone · 14/03/2015 07:18

I'm glad you're not going, have a lie-in. I'm having one now as the kids seem quite happy in their room, which doesn't bode well for tomorrow.

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