Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother's Day, Church and Brownies

83 replies

curlyweasel · 13/03/2015 13:19

DD is a brownie at a unit associated with a local church. Yesterday I got a slip from the Brown Owl stating that DD is expected at church this Sunday at 10.15am to represent her unit and that she must bring me along (to be presented with flowers). Apparently, as a unit associated with this particular church, attendance is very important.

AIBU to tell them to do one? AIBU to expect to stay in bed until at least 11am hopefully with a hangover and to spend MD with my daughter and baby son as I see fit?

Part of me thinks that as I signed her up for this particular unit, then we should go. The other part thinks this is actually a day for me to chose what I want to do (slight disclaimer: we do do other activities outside of the weekly Brownie meeting e.g. Rememberance Sunday march).

I want a lie in!

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 13/03/2015 13:51

I signed her up for this particular unit.?? They all do it. It's no secret...

Pastamancer · 13/03/2015 13:52

Excuse me, I'm a Guide and Senior Section Leader, not Brownies as you know :o

Baby is firmly staying put, I was sick again in the night :(

DinoSnores · 13/03/2015 13:53

No, we don't "all do it".

My unit don't, lots and lots of other units don't.

It is not a part of the Guiding programme. We are not a Christian organisation.

Original poster
curlyweasel · 13/03/2015 13:55

Flogging as I've said - I really didn't know. I never went to Brownies or had friends who went ot Brownies (it was seen, in my social group, as a very middle class thing to do back in the 70s - and middle class we weren't).

OP posts:
Pastamancer · 13/03/2015 13:55

I only know 1 unit locally that does church parade. The closest my girls get is Rememberance Parade and we only ever hope for good attendance, never expect it.

BackforGood · 13/03/2015 13:56

I think you should go, as it's part of something your dd does, and therefore, as a parent, you support it. 10.15 start still means you can have a considerable lie in from your usual wake up times and still get there.
It's part of being a parent, isn't it, that you support the dc in things they do, even when it means you not getting to do what you would choose to, if you didn't have dc.
No, the Brown Owl can't make anyone go, but it is all a part and parcel of their programme, so, as you aren't actually doing anything else, then I think she should, at the very least.

However, your dp has said he'll take them, so you have that option.

TywysogesGymraeg · 13/03/2015 13:57

I think you should encourage your DD to go.

Brownies make a promise to "to serve the Queen and my community" - this comes under the community part of that promise, and by allowing her not to go is setting the impression that the promise is optional/negotiable.

A Brownie Guide also "thinks of others before herself".

ElspethTascioni · 13/03/2015 13:57

Of course the irony of all this is that Mothering Sunday was never originally about mothers at all - it was about the Mother Church...so going to church is not such a bad idea...Mothers' Day as we know it is a commercial exercise to fleece our children of their pocket money

Pastamancer · 13/03/2015 13:58

Maybe this Brownie is thinking of her DM and knows that she would prefer a lie in...

MrsCakesPrecognitionisSwitched · 13/03/2015 13:59

And a mother should be self-sacrificing at all times.
A Brownie should think of other before herself - except her mum, who's own preferences should always come last.

Original poster
curlyweasel · 13/03/2015 14:00

But this is Mother's Day! It's not Rememberance Sunday (and I MADE her go to that because of her oath and I believe we should remember/show respect).

They don't expect them to attend anything for Valentine's Day, or Halloween. It's Mother's Day. It's not a religious occasion. It's MY day.

OP posts:
TywysogesGymraeg · 13/03/2015 14:03

It is a religious occasion - the church isn't concerned with Hallmark cards.

BackforGood · 13/03/2015 14:03

Well, if you want to be pedantic, it's Mothering Sunday - see Elspeth's post.

ProfYaffle · 13/03/2015 14:03

We've been invited to attend the mother's day service at church with Brownies/Guides but we won't go. I'm not religious and won't attend a church service. It's not compulsory and our unit is very 'light touch' on the religious aspect so no guilt trips etc.

I think they got an idea of our household stance when they asked the kids to talk about 'their God' in one Brownie session and dd2 raved about Medusa!

Groovee · 13/03/2015 14:04

As a brownie leader church parade is not mandatory. But some churches give free use of their halls and expect the unit to turn up when they ask.

They can't force you.

Pastamancer · 13/03/2015 14:04

Curly you have 2 Guiders here telling you not to worry about attending. One of those is an atheist and the other a regular church goer so we are not biased one way or another. Hope you have a great day on Sunday doing what you want to do.

Radiatorvalves · 13/03/2015 14:07

You are lucky... Ours starts at 9 am. And DH is away for the weekend (skiing) so temporarily I am a LP. I will be taking them. I don't think Mothers Day is a big deal, and they need to do the boring bits of cubs as long as the fun bits.

Cadenza1818 · 13/03/2015 14:08

Depending on the church we mums used to get spoiled on mothering Sunday at my last church. Used to enjoy it! Plus Seriously who has or wants a lie in till 11?! ;-)

Original poster
curlyweasel · 13/03/2015 14:13

Boy is my face red Blush

I never knew it was a religious thing. I did realise that Mothering Sunday was, but not Mother's Day (as advertised by the unit).

I just thought that was the secular equivalent for us heathens Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
curlyweasel · 13/03/2015 14:16

Cadenza Me. That's who Grin

OP posts:
Permanentlyexhausted · 13/03/2015 14:16

As a Brownie leader there is no way on earth that I would have my Brownies at a church service on Mothering Sunday - I definitely wouldn't want to spend that day looking after other people's children. Easy enough for me to say though as our unit has no church affiliation.

If you have other plans for the day, even if those plans were to do nothing, then you're quite within your rights not to send her. However, do spare a thought for Brown Owl who may also not really want to spend Mothering Sunday with other people's little darlings but who doesn't have the choice to just not go, and bear that in mind when you let her know.

Original poster
curlyweasel · 13/03/2015 14:19

Permanently I think I've done the right cowardly thing.

Have sent apologies.

To Tawny Owl.

OP posts:
TywysogesGymraeg · 13/03/2015 14:20

I'm also a Brownie Guider - not a religious one, though not an atheist either Confused.

We are quite strict with the girls on things like community service and expect them all to turn up to community events, though we do live in a small town and just about every uniformed organisation turns out for Mothering Sunday, St George's Day, Remembrance Sunday etc etc. We aren't affiliated to any church - don't use church hall for meetings or anything like that.

We don't "force" the girls, obvs. But we do sit down and explain to them the meaning of the day, and why we'd like them to go. What it means to older people, and other members of the community to see young people participating in communal acts of celebration, remembrance etc. We have a pretty high turn out. Any one of our Brownies would feel honnoured to be asked to represent our unit at Mothering Sunday, or any other event. I've rarely been turned down when we've made a similar request.

Original poster
curlyweasel · 13/03/2015 14:28

TywysogesGymraeg That sounds like a lovely group of girls you have Flowers

I make sure DD attends community services and events. I just don't think Mother's Day falls into that category.

OP posts:
TywysogesGymraeg · 13/03/2015 14:29

Oh, and BTW - it's a bit bloody late to let Brown Owl (or Tawny Owl) know on a Friday afternoon that their chosen Brownie isn't going to turn up to an event on the Sunday.

Brown Owl is going to have to spend her Friday evening now calling round other parents to find someone who can step in for the Brownie who has let her down at short notice.