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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry with DP

37 replies

LittleMiss77 · 12/03/2015 18:17

Im 23 wks pregnant and the hormones are well and truly kicking in, so feel that i may have been out of order.

We're currently deciding on how to decorate the babys bedroom ready for his arrival in the summer (it needs a lot of work) and id seen some nice pictures on the internet of walls with thick horizontal stripes and also some with animal stencils. I had my heart set on one of these options.

DP wants to get a man in and the chosen chap has told me today that stripes/stencils will add another £150 to an already expensive quote and suggested a wallpapered wall instead.

I mentioned this to DP and forwarded some links to some nice (but expensive-ish) wallpaper and DP came back to say that a plain wall would suffice as costs were going to get out of control.

I lost my temper at this - I cant see any reason why we cant decorate ourselves to keep costs to a minimum, but DP wont have it, telling me that i cant decorate in my condition.... so i sent him a shitty email (he was at work) telling him that i didnt care anymore - hes chosen our DSs' name, he wont let me buy a buggy until he's approved the make and model so he may as well have the bedroom too.

He didnt reply and i havent heard from him all afternoon - im now beginning to think that what i sent was quite hurtful and that ive overstepped the mark - Have I?

OP posts:
PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 12/03/2015 18:20

Paying someone else to decorate a normal room in a normal house is madness. Just do it yourself when your husband is at work.

mommy2ash · 12/03/2015 18:20

I don't think he is wrong about the bedroom but is he controlling in general?

coolaschmoola · 12/03/2015 18:20

Your dp sounds controlling.... He 'won't have' you decorating, he's chosen the baby's name.... I can understand the buggy being a shared decision though (even though it was my choice here) but the rest of it? Erm no.

temporarilyjerry · 12/03/2015 18:22

He has chosen your DS's name? Shock

Nomama · 12/03/2015 18:22

Well, you will at least now get to have a proper conversation about all sorts of things.

He knows you are pissed off, you know he will be pissed off. Just make sure you acknowledge each others pov and then compromise and move on.

Oh, and that gets much easier as time goes on. 27 years later and we manage to do that quite well... usually Smile

NobodyLivesHere · 12/03/2015 18:23

He sounds very controlling. Yanbu to feel sidelined. Just decorate it yourself you aren't a child.

fieldfare · 12/03/2015 18:23

He sounds rather controlling, is that normal or is he just wrapping you in cotton wool because you're pregnant?

Why not have the walls painted in a plain colour and get some of those wall art motif thingies that you stick on yourself. Wallpaper won't stay pristine once the child has learnt it can pick at it.

MinceSpy · 12/03/2015 18:24

He sounds very controlling, is he always like this? I don't see why you can't decorate in your 'condition'. Would an option be for the decorator to do the plain walls and you stencil afterwards? If not settle on the plain walls and accessorize with nice curtains etc.

AlternativeTentacles · 12/03/2015 18:26

we cant decorate ourselves to keep costs to a minimum, but DP wont have it, telling me that i cant decorate in my condition

You said 'we', and he thinks 'you'...why doesn't he think 'we' as well?

I have never paid a decorator in my life to paint a bedroom. That's crazy talk.

Why can't he do up the ladder and near the floor you do the middle bit if he is worried about your 'condition'? Is he a lazy fucker?

Houseworkavoider · 12/03/2015 18:26

I bet you could pay someone to hang the paper and paint the rest.
Can you put a pic up of the stripes you want and maybe we can find it cheaper Smile
He is bu for assuming he has the final say over everything.

sparklepopsicles · 12/03/2015 18:27

I decorated when I was pregnant if you want to keep costs down go for plain walls then decorate with stickers / stencils yourself. I did and was v happy with the results.

SueChef · 12/03/2015 18:30

Yanbu, he does sound very controlling.

Get the decorator to paint the room and then you paint a couple of stripes in. It will be minimal physical effort but will make a dramatic difference and give you the room you want.

One small tin of paint; a spirit level and a pencil, a roll of Frog Tape and you are there.

your DH may be a bit of a knobber, but try and refrain from being passive aggressive with him. You wont feel better or cleverer. Just speak straight and true.

SueChef · 12/03/2015 18:31

PS - you can buy a thick striped wallpaper and get it hung horizontally for no extra cost than getting it hung vertically. I know someone that did that it looked great

Idontseeanydragons · 12/03/2015 18:40

Get it started it while he's at work. If he's going to take the arse with you anyway then get on and do it if you can.
I painted our kitchen at 34 weeks pg with our eldest and we were renovating a whole house when I was expecting DC3 so the whole 'your condition' is bollocks unless a HCP has told you specifically to take it easy.
Personally I'd paint and use stencils but that's because wallpapering gives me rage BlushGrin

Original poster
LittleMiss77 · 12/03/2015 18:41

He really isnt controlling normally - he is the most laid back, 'whatever' person you could meet. Since ive been pregnant however...

he hates decorating so ive always done it (the decorator who came round today complimemted me on the living/dining room Grin ) so it will always be 'me/i' as opposed to 'we'.

Id like to think that hes just excited and wants everything done properly, but he isnt interested in going shopping for all of the other bits and pieces we are going to need and thinks antenatal classes are a waste of cash (no free provision where we are and this will be our first DC)

I thought after 11 years together id have him figured out!

OP posts:
ahbollocks · 12/03/2015 18:52

I would cut him some slack. My dh got a bit like this but he said him obviously not being the pregnant one, felt a little left out so got a bit OTT.

Idontseeanydragons · 12/03/2015 18:54

I don't think you were harsh btw, that message you sent might just have given him a jolt about his recent behaviour. Hopefully he's been thinking it over and seeing that he's gone too far.

SueChef · 12/03/2015 18:58

If you're doing NCT classes, make sure you opt out of their membership fee FYI

Flipchart · 12/03/2015 19:01

Paying someone else to decorate a normal room in a normal house is madness.. Eh? Oven ever decorated a room in my life, neither has DH. I've always paid to get some one in.

However that wasn't the issue!

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 12/03/2015 19:02

Just decorate the room yourself.

Wrt to the pram, agree a budget, and the person who will be doing most of the pram pushing gets the final say.

Wrt the name - please tell me you love the name too? You need a big say in this! The name should be a mutial decision!

ImperialBlether · 12/03/2015 19:03

I have to say I do think the person pushing the child out gets first dibs on his name. Grin

WyrdByrd · 12/03/2015 19:08

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all - that would drive me batty.

Do you have a friend that could come round and help with any tricky/high up bits i.e. painting the ceiling in return for pizza & beer.

My DH doesn't decorate either - my mum and I did DD's room (he did assemble the cot and fit a dimmer switch though!).

Mrsstarlord · 12/03/2015 19:12

Just do it when he's at work - thats what I do when DH is dragging his feet being a lazy twonk

Baaaaaaaaaaaa · 12/03/2015 19:25

I decorated (roller and paint job so no biggie) my downstairs hallway and stairs the week my dd was due. She was still a week late, it's not overly strenuous, just don't go climbing ladders.

You had every right to be annoyed. It should all be a joint decision. That's what makes it enjoyable and exciting!

crazykat · 13/03/2015 21:15

Yanbu. I decorated most of our house when I was 7 months pregnant as dh couldn't get time off work. As long as you're not climbing ladders alone or trying to paper a hallway it's fine, certainly a normal bedroom will be easy.

I wouldn't pay someone to decorate a room anyway, never mind and extra £150 for stencils. As you're getting it decorated, I'd get plain walls in the colours you want and buy some vinyl wall art from eBay with the designs you want. They're reasonably priced and easy to put up and look really good, ds has a huge dinosaur on one wall and it still looks amazing after two years.

Your dh having to approve the buggy is quite controlling, especially added to everything else. I've got four dcs and I don't think dh has had any input into the buggys except agreeing on a price. It's me that's pushed it 99% of the time so it's my choice.