to be angry with DP

[LittleMiss77]

Im 23 wks pregnant and the hormones are well and truly kicking in, so feel that i may have been out of order.

We're currently deciding on how to decorate the babys bedroom ready for his arrival in the summer (it needs a lot of work) and id seen some nice pictures on the internet of walls with thick horizontal stripes and also some with animal stencils. I had my heart set on one of these options.

DP wants to get a man in and the chosen chap has told me today that stripes/stencils will add another £150 to an already expensive quote and suggested a wallpapered wall instead.

I mentioned this to DP and forwarded some links to some nice (but expensive-ish) wallpaper and DP came back to say that a plain wall would suffice as costs were going to get out of control.

I lost my temper at this - I cant see any reason why we cant decorate ourselves to keep costs to a minimum, but DP wont have it, telling me that i cant decorate in my condition.... so i sent him a shitty email (he was at work) telling him that i didnt care anymore - hes chosen our DSs' name, he wont let me buy a buggy until he's approved the make and model so he may as well have the bedroom too.

He didnt reply and i havent heard from him all afternoon - im now beginning to think that what i sent was quite hurtful and that ive overstepped the mark - Have I?

I haven't read the whole thread but we painted our babies room yellow and then got some fantastic winnie the pooh stickers from eBay and the room looks amazing....now just need the baby....

You can get the stickers in different cartoons as well....under the sea etc etc

Could you not get decorating guy to paint the room then put your own stick on decals up.

could you not have waited until he'd got home, and then had a conversation with him?

my DH is the loveliest most laid back fella, but seriously, if I emailed him links to wallpaper and tried to discuss something like this while he was at work I'd imagine he wouldn't be too happy or receptive.

Ive just had a look online and am leaning towards vinyl wall stickers.

Have shown DP a few examples and he seems more open to the idea - watch this space!

Just decorate- don't see the prpblem. I tend to keep my OH out of the loop on this type of thing anyway. I wouldn't even mention it to him or get him involved

OH is so used to me making decisions like this he doesn't bat an eyelid.
I decorated my DDs room when I was 38 weeks pregnant- first OH knew about it was when he came home from work.

He won't "let you " buy a buggy? THat would be like a red rag to me.
Just go and buy the buggy. You don't need his approval.

OP you need to stand up for yourself a bit more. Don't show him any more samples or ideas- just do it.

I was going to suggest stickers - there are some lovely ones out there. I did want to see your room ideas though! :)

I'd also say look on ebay for expensive any wallpaper if you do want to use it (or indeed for nice fabric). It's often much cheaper than in the shops.

I've seen the wallpaper but not needed to buy - but have bought fabric. Stuff that should be £60/m for £15/m which makes it much more reasonable!

However, the wallpaper discounts often seem to be as good as the fabric ones.

And no, if you genuinely feel that your dh is taking all the 'fun' and important decisions, leaving you just to carry your dc but feel like you have no input then sending the email was a very sensible thing to do, certainly not overstepping the mark or hurtful. It's actually the other way round - he's the one overstepping the mark and being hurtful by being so inconsiderate of you and your participation in the decisions being made. After all, you're doing the difficult bit of growing a baby for 9 months - yes in an ideal world everything would be blissful and mutual decisions but as it's not then if there's a difference things ought to err on your side the same or more often than his.

And things like ante natal classes - don't let him persuade you not to have them if you want them - they can be so incredibly useful and reassuring. Use the money for them not the decorator (did he chose the decorator too by any chance?).

Good luck!

He does sound controlling. Saying it will suffice implies your feelings don't matter. And that's before you even consider the other stuff.

The vinyl decols are fantastic IMO. Amazon and eBay have some beautiful designs and are incredibly cheap in comparison.

You can get decals of anything you want on etsy. :)

Tell him about the "nesting" part of pregnancy. That's where you are. I expect you both need to cut each other a bit of slack to be honest. But you can't expect him to ever become "interested in shopping" its not in their DNA.

YANBU that would drive me insane. He wants to keep costs down, you have suggested a very reasonable course of action, decorating yourself. His reaction of "you can't do that in your condition" is just not on. It should be more of a: "Do you feel you're up to that? If you're sure it's not too much then go ahead." Controlling!