to expect someone to send things to charity after they've used them??

[troublelovesme]

We give a lot of DSs clothes to a friend for her smaller son of a similar age but AIBU to ask (politely) that they send these items to a charity shop once they've finished with them? They do buy most clothes from charity shops but have mentioned that they are thinking of selling their sons clothes on eBay. We've given some things new with tags and some things like Converse and Vans so I think I'd feel a bit cheated if they make money from our kindness.

and now I sound like a bitch

I totally agree that its not in the spirit of having received to then sell rather than regift, however, if this is the kind of person they are, likely to profiteer from your kindness, then there might be a more worthy recipient.

YANBU - I think it's really bad manners to profit from a friend's generosity.

I once lent a friend a console on a long term basis and found it she later sold it on ebay.

I wonder how some of you smug, patronizing Lady Bountifuls keep any friends, if you can't do someone a favour without insisting their gratitude takes the form of obedience and lasts forever.

You might be talking about me

All the nice things I own for the baby have been bought for us (kind parent's presents etc, one off things so nice pram, nice highchair, nice cot etc)

However. We are absolutely skint. I am beyond grateful when people give us any old second hand clothes they no longer need. And I have, where I can, sold on afterwards, for a £1 here or a £1 there. I'm hardly rolling in it!

The money I make I then spend on more second hand clothes for my kids.

If I had money, I wouldn't do this. But I need to to keep my kids clothed. Bought baby a coat yesterday for £3 which I made by selling a jumper given to me which now no longer fits him. The only coat he owns I might add.

Now you've made me feel like shit. Thanks.

And yes..I realise some of you might now go, well sell your expensive things so you can afford to buy new clothes for your kids.

However, a. I need them and b. I love them to bits and they were presents.And regardless, even if I did that, once the money was gone, I'd be back to the same position I"m in now, given how quickly babies and children grow!

I obviously would if we were about to lose the roof over our heads, but if I can keep things going by buying and selling second hand clothes, i will.

I don't think you sound like a bitch at all.

It would be nice if she passed them on to someone in need, seeing as she was givien them for free.

I thing I would feel a bit off if someone sold something I'd given to them, even if they had no further use for it.

But I don't think you can say that now, if you didn't say it at the time, IYKWIM.

OP - YANBU. I don't think people should profit from your generosity.

I always am surprised when this sort of thing comes up on mn and so many people go on about once it's given its given. Yes of course that is true, but the decent thing is to offer it back or pass it on to someone who needs It, not to sell it on.

Most people who pass on baby clothes do so because they no longer need the clothes and can't be arsed to Ebay them themselves. I certainly sold some of the stuff I was given for DS, particularly the things that had never been worn (because they were the wrong size/season or I didn't like them). A lot of the stuff we got was from people I barely knew eg friends of my mother's friends who just didn't need the stuff. I passed on several bundles to friends who got PG shortly after I did (and spent some time sorting through the stuff so that each person got the most suitable eg right gender and right size/season) - sold what was saleable and eventually dumped the odds and ends in a charity shop.

I also despise people who moan about anyone buying stuff from charity shops to sell on. The charity has had the money from the item so what happens to the item then is no longer the charity's concern.
Once you have paid for something or had it given to you it is YOURS to do what you want with.

a more worthy recipient Tatty?

We're talking about used clothes here.

I hope things I give away are passed on however I know people do sometimes sell on. but I pass on things I either can't sell or can't be bothered to do it myself.

what annoys me is sob stories to get things cheaper/free then they sell on for profit. I had this on Facebook group - she picked through all toys I was selling (v cheap) with oh ... would love this etc then knocked me down on price. later that evening I found she had a selling page amd was selling items for 4x the amount she paid me. I messaged her saying I was unhappy she did this and should make sellers aware she buys for profit/not her children. she was quite rude basically telling me I shouldn't have accepted her offer. I would have had no issue had she paid what I had asked (she still would have profited)

It would be nice if they gave it to charity but it's quite rude to ask them to. I wouldn't want something if it was given with strings attached.
Anyway, I think that people overestimate how much clothes are worth to charities. My understanding is that only a few of those donated are sold in the shop and most are passed on to middle men who pay a set amount (not that much) per tonne.

Well, I don't pass on stuff I can't be arsed to ebay. I pass on stuff I think people I know might need.

But now I know they all think I am some sort of self aggrandising biatch, sneering at them in their poverty, they can all fuck off. I'll burn it all before I pass anything else on.

Thanks for putting me right