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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School uniform

80 replies

notnaice · 12/03/2015 09:28

Yet again our school is talking about clamping down on uniform.

They issue warnings that students will be sent home if skirts are too short etc, some people buy the correct style/length. The school tries to enforce it, other parents refuse to cooperate and also moan on facebook etc, leaving the kids whose parents try to cooperate, looking uncool or parents out of pocket, when they too end up going back to non regulation bits of uniform.

Aibu to think, I'm not going to bother trying to send my kids in the correct uniform if they don't actually enforce it, as they say they will, when parental backlash makes it difficult for them?
We live in a naice area and this is one of the best schools in the city by the way. So it's parents thinking their little johnny/Joanna should be allowed to express themselves rather than any other reason.

OP posts:
lemonhope · 12/03/2015 10:13

god just take the hoodie off

honestly don't teach your kids that its fine to argue back to the HT

It wouldn't have killed her to say sorry and take it off

She's not Lady Gaga its not essential that she expresses her individuality through her uniform every day

SunnyBaudelaire · 12/03/2015 10:18

"She's not Lady Gaga "
lol I will tell her that then, thanks. Of course I told her to take the bloody hoodie off, I have no wish to undermine the school at this late stage.
I just wish she had not quoted lines from 'Bad Teacher' to him.

lemonhope · 12/03/2015 10:19

lol!!

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/03/2015 10:20

Which lines would those be Grin

SunnyBaudelaire · 12/03/2015 10:22

"What went so wrong in your life that you went into educating children?" - something like that.
God I am ticking off the days til the last exam.....

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/03/2015 10:23

Your dd is amazing Grin

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/03/2015 10:23

(although obviously I'm not condoning being rude to teachers)

I'd inwardly snigger though

SunnyBaudelaire · 12/03/2015 10:25

awww thanks Giles......I like to think so of course

hennybeans · 12/03/2015 10:25

Sunny I agree that certainly more children were also probably wearing incorrect uniform.
I used to work in a secondary school and the point I wanted to make is that when dealing with hundreds of teenagers in one place who are all trying to assert their independence and look cool in front of their friends, a HT or any staff member can't ignore even a small infraction of the rules because if you let X wear a hardly noticeable non- regulation thing, then when you tell Y off for something that is very noticeable they will turn back to you saying 'well, you let X get away with it. That's not fair! I'm telling my parents that you pick on me and everyone else wears what they like.'

If you let a small rule break occur without pulling a child up on it, it is a slippery slope. Either rules are followed in a school or they are not. As an adult in charge, you can't selectively follow some and not other rules- children don't understand that and they won't respect you for only sometimes enforcing the rules.

SunnyBaudelaire · 12/03/2015 10:31

yes I see what you are saying henny and I do support the school of course.
But that 'shaming' language of 'everyone else manages it' really pisses me off as apart from anything else it is patently not true!

lemonhope · 12/03/2015 10:44

If my dd had said that to the HT of her school she'd have been put into detention

are you sure she said that

off topic and I am sure your dd is lovely but I was Shock

SunnyBaudelaire · 12/03/2015 10:48

way off topic now! I was :O too.
Yes she did say that, he went mental and said she could have another day in internal exclusion - which is where they were at the time - or maybe suspension.
Later he probably realised that he cannot just hand out exclusions like that and we heard no more of it.

MiaowTheCat · 12/03/2015 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theas18 · 12/03/2015 11:03

Am I the only one who thinks this isn't about school uniform but parents actually supporting the school in what they do? If you don't agree with the uniform policy, or think your child should be allowed to be outside the rules then you send them elsewhere?

I buy regulation uniform. It's not necessarily worn in a regulation way but I send her off looking right in the morning and she has the sense to not do anything extreme.skirt gets rolled up etc and make up was worn rather younger than it should be but all in a minor way that kept her under the radar-.I'm sure if she'd been not handing work in, disruptive or bringing herself under scrutiny they'd be disciplining for uniform infractions too, and that would be her look out.

I guess I'm lucky that it's really been pretty much a non issue at either of the schools the kids attended. I wonder if that's because it's a selective state school and ultimately if you don't like the rules you don't have to be in this school....

Notso · 12/03/2015 11:13

YANBU I have the same with DD's school.
They change their mind about what is or isn't acceptable.
First it was all black footwear, then it was all black shoes, then all black canvas vans and converse were allowed, then they had to be all black leather/pleather.

They are not supposed to wear tight trousers, but they all do. It's hard to find trousers which aren't tight.

They have a push on it at the beginning of term, then around now but it's enforced inconsistently. DD says there are pupils who always wear incorrect uniform but don't get pulled up on it as it's the least of their problems when a well behaved child gets detention for wearing trainers one day with a note from parent explaining why.

I think if they are going to have it, enforce it across the board. If not then why bother. DN's school just have to wear navy, white, black or grey. Way better IMO.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 12/03/2015 11:18

Uniform (imo) only works if (1) the school upholds the rules they set and (2) the uniform is so specific there can be no ambiguity.

I like a uniform (done properly) as it rules out any potential for bullying about shoes/style of clothes worn. It also puts everyone on the same level, and it looks neat.

Idefix · 12/03/2015 11:41

This topic is one of the banes of my life! I am apparently I am ruining dds (14yrs) life by not allowing her to wear skinny jeans to school...I hate that despite repeatedly pointing out to school the numerous children not wearing appropriate uniform making my life as a parent very, very hard. They give out platitudes, congratulate dc for adhering to the uniform but do little to address the other dc and their attire. There are days where i really just want to say fuck it and hit the shops for a black skinny jean shopping spree and turn myself into top dm - in dd eyes at least.

The most frustrating thing is the number of parents including those who work in the school allowing dc to flout the dress code. When I enquire with one of these parents the response was I have told her it is wrong and if she is told off it is her own fault Hmm

The whole things makes me very grrr

lemonhope · 12/03/2015 11:54

i think i'd buy jeans if laods of others wore them

despite them fading super fast and therefore workign out expensive

Idefix · 12/03/2015 13:25

I do half want to rebel Lemon and buy some! but I would like a formal acknowledgement that the school has a relaxed attitude but they claim to not hold with this. Although they have now started to allow vans etc so long as they are all black.

I wish we could adopt the stance taken Germany etc where there is no uniform. It is interesting that this does not affect German children's educational attainment or attitudes to employment.

notquiteruralbliss · 12/03/2015 13:43

It is not always easy to 'go elsewhere' if you don't like the uniform policy.

Where we live, there are 3 catchment schools my DCs could go to, an upper that is pretty hot on uniform / attendance / behaviour etc (and wouldn't suit my DCs anyway as they are pretty academic) and 2 selectives, one of which is quite uptight but gets v good results and one of which used to be more relaxed (which is why we chose it) but has had a change of leadership and is now much more like the first selective.

Our approach is to buy uniform (and alternatives like black skinny jeans, plimsoles etc if requested) let the DCs make their own decisions re what to wear and expect them deal with any consequences for wearing non standard clothing. Older DC feels strongly enough about uniform to wear her skinny jeans and plimsoles despite the hassle it causes her with certain teachers, whereas her younger sister generally wears something more regulation.

Original poster
notnaice · 12/03/2015 16:31

But why notquite - shouldn't you be supporting the school?

Idefix - I agree it is frustrating. I have given in, for the sake of the kids. Life is difficult enough for todays kids without not fitting in, but I shouldn't have to.

Why do parents rant and rave on facebook about it all? I can't understand why people are so against uniform.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 12/03/2015 16:35

Why do parents rant and rave on facebook about it all? I can't understand why people are so against uniform

probably because it s costs ££££ and is often cheaply made poor quality and it he as fuck. when schools insist on o e type of uniform. purchased in a specific shop they can charge Wtf they like for what's usually the most unflattering and poorly fitting clothing. I do realise it's not a fashion parade but kids should at least be able to be comfortable and badly fitting g clothes aren't. and walking around in clothes that emphasise the parts of your body you hate or make you look like a sack.of potatoes it does not inspire ones confidence in themselves and cab have a know on affect to their learning

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/03/2015 16:36

knock on effect

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/03/2015 16:37

itchy as fuck

bloody phone

FishCanFly · 12/03/2015 17:22

I'm against school uniform. Its pointless, useless, total waste of money. All the energy schools spend on policing uniform could be put to better uses.
Let kids wear normal clothes and everyone will be happy.