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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to worry if DH will cope with DS?

41 replies

onemiddlefinger · 12/03/2015 09:24

I got a call from the nursery that DS (2yrs) has got a temperature (that I somehow missed this morning), I was about to leave work to get him, but then DH called me back that he will go as he is not feeling well himself and wants to go home. Great!
Except i'm worried that it won't go well. DH hasn't been home alone with DS for a sometime and when he was it was a bit hit and miss and that's when they were both well. Some days he wouldn't nap at all and will end up tantruming and DH losing his patience etc.
So in a couple of hours I might receive a call that DH can't cope and i need to go home as well.
I just think it's pointless for me to spend a holiday day as well when DH is already taking time off as i possibly have to stay home tomorrow anyway if DS is still not well.
I'm not sure what i'm asking here, just thinking that the combination of DS and DH both unwell at home together is not a good idea, but on the other hand DH is his father and ill or not should be able to step up. After all i have had to in the past when not feeling well myself.

OP posts:
0x530x610x750x630x79 · 12/03/2015 09:26

if her has a temp everything will go to pot anyway, two people sitting in front of the telly is fine.

elfycat · 12/03/2015 09:31

I imagine that you will get home to DH being ready for a nap after non-stop CBeebies. Shove him some paracetamol and water and take over. Be prepared for the area directly around DH and DS to be a bit cluttered.

I say that as someone who has DD1 off school for the last 2 days and who just wants to crawl back to sleep myself. The house is... a midden, quite frankly. I'm just about keeping up with MN the laundry and washing up but anything else can wait until I feel better/ DH gets home (in like - 2 weeks Wink )

Original poster
onemiddlefinger · 12/03/2015 09:35

The mess is expected, but what i don't want it DS being even more miserable if he doesn't nap and DH gets upset with him because he is not feeling well either and short of patience.
I guess i just want to be there when DS is poorly to look after him myself (and usually he wants mummy when he is poorly)

OP posts:
Original poster
onemiddlefinger · 12/03/2015 09:51

Just called DH, they are in the car now and going to Tesco! DH just told me that DS has got a temperature of 38.8 and they are going shopping FFS!
I wish i had gone to pick him up myself now.
DH says he promised to buy DS a car and ice cream, great, but with a temperature of nearly 39 his priority should be going home and giving him Paracetamol. Plus we have ice cream at home! DH told me to stop freaking out and they will not be long.
I'm not happy.

OP posts:
Seeline · 12/03/2015 09:57

Ah - leave him to it. Surely his Dad can look after him for a few hours Shock If he's really poorly, a dose of calpol when he gets home, and he'll probably sleep. If he's not that bad, then he probably won't want to do much more than watch the TV and who doesn't feel better after ice cream?

sparklepopsicles · 12/03/2015 09:58

I think you need to chill a bit. He's his father and should be able to cope with his own child sick or well. Leave them to it I'm sure all will be fine

pinkyredrose · 12/03/2015 10:02

If your DH can't look after his own son adequately then you have a big problem aside from the temperature.

TheRealMaryMillington · 12/03/2015 10:03

He's his father and he needs to be able to look after his son ill or not. And he needs to cultivate patience. And you need to let him.

Original poster
onemiddlefinger · 12/03/2015 10:04

Thanks.
Maybe you're right and i need to chill. But whenever DS is ill i always get a bit obsessive with his temperature specially when it gets so high (not that i have a particular reason to, nothing has ever happened, just pfb i guess) and i have always been there so i just hate to be away at work.

I wish it was just couple of hours, but my day finishes at 5, so will be home by 6pm, that's 8h to go.

OP posts:
TheRealMaryMillington · 12/03/2015 10:04

Really, truly, get on with your work and leave them to it

3Caramel · 12/03/2015 10:05

I know it's are, but your DP really needs to learn how to take care of his own DS. So I think you need to stand back and leave him to it more often!

NotYouNaanBread · 12/03/2015 10:06

Leave him to it. Unless you were a fully trained childcare worker when your baby was born, there's no particular reason to think you have some magic edge over your DH when it comes to looking after his child, and this is as good an opportunity as any to let him be. You're encouraging and rewarding lazy parenting behaviour in your DH if you go home now, if you think that he doesn't have great form, anyway.

anothernumberone · 12/03/2015 10:06

To be honest I don't see how you expect your Dh to learn to deal with these situations when your answer seems to be I have to run in to rescue it. Shopping for a bit of food and possibly medicine if necessary is fine. I think you need to give him a chance.

calmexterior · 12/03/2015 10:08

If you keep stepping in, DH will never get confident and be able to work things out for himself.

Rjae · 12/03/2015 10:10

Just ask dh to give him some brufen and keep checking his temp. Poorly kids dosed up with meds usually sleep anyway. Just keep texting through the day, but you should be able to trust DH, DS is his child too.

countessmarkyabitch · 12/03/2015 10:10

People have odd ideas about kids temperatures. There is nothing at all dangerous about having a temp, its a normal and expected reaction to infection and means the body is working to fight against it.

And he probably doubts his ability to look after his son because you can't stop telling him hes doing it wrong. Leave him alone to mind his own child and chill out.

Tapwater · 12/03/2015 10:13

I'm shocked you have so little expectation that your DH will be able to cope with his own child! From what you say, it's not even the illness that's an issue, it's just that he hardly ever spends time looking after him - this is a frankly mad state of affairs, and you need to stand back, concentrate on work, and let your child's other parent figure things out for himself.

MistressDeeCee · 12/03/2015 10:18

You're being a bit precious

Your DH offered to go pick up DS, he didn't ask you to do it nor take a day off did he? So YABU to decide he won't cope with your DS, and not trust him to do so. Life will go on, no need for you to be the "hover parent". Get on with your working day, and look after them when you get home.

gamerchick · 12/03/2015 10:24

I agree you need to let him deal. How is he ever going to get confident looking after the bairn on his own?

38 temp is not horrendous.. If it was over 40 I would agree.

The bairn will probably enjoy some sit down time with dad.

Be honest though. . You would slightly feel happy and relieved if you are rang to save the day wouldn't you? Wink maybe it's time.. sometimes when mam isn't available people may struggle to care for your child if he's used to only you. You need to trust his dad.

Original poster
onemiddlefinger · 12/03/2015 10:24

Ok, i get that i am being overbearing here.
I admit that i find it hard to step back.
I texted DH and he called me back being a bit annoyed that i keep micromanaging him (and i suppose he's right). Anyway they didn't go to Tesco, went home and DS got his Paracetamol and i suppose they will be watching a lot of TV today but it's fine.

I agree that DH needs to spend more time with DS on his own, it's just that i haven't pushed for it lately and the last times he did it didn't go very well - DS tantruming and DH shouting.
But the less time he spends with DS the less he knows how to cope, so i do need to let him get on with it, but i just find it hard.

OP posts:
Ineedacleaningfairy · 12/03/2015 10:42

It sounds like your finding this hardest.

Do you think your dp is capable of keeping your dc safe? If so then I think you should stop worrying, sometimes toddlers miss naps/tantrum/watch tv for hours, sometimes parents shout/get stressed out but as long as the child is safe and his basic needs are met then time spent with a parent is a positive thing.

TheFecklessFairy · 12/03/2015 10:52

My friends son is looking after his 18 month old triplets for the day - all on his own! If he can do it, I am sure your DH can look after one child Smile

Isetan · 12/03/2015 11:43

I will never understand this attitude where men are seen as less capable of looking after their own children. Can you imagine if the OP's DH had suggested that he come home because 'well you know what happened last time'. Now is the perfect opportunity to break a cycle where you believe that you're the 'responsible' parent.

Sorry to rant but DD has chicken pox and I am a single parent with no support and I have been housebound for six straight days waiting for those illusive crusts to appear.

keepsmiling2015 · 12/03/2015 12:32

Just let him get on with it. Is it possible that your interfering has hindered their bonding and your dh being able to settle properly into his parenting role?

Gottagetmoving · 12/03/2015 12:39

Why would you have had a child with a man you don't feel is capable of looking after his own son?
Even if your DH is not brilliant at coping I am sure he would manage.

Most Mums think no one can look after their children as well as they can, but in reality,..they can.
The answer is to leave your DS with your DH more often and encourage him to get good at it!