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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should set up online so we can keep in touch while he's abroad?

33 replies

WotchOotErAPolis · 12/03/2015 08:08

DH is currently in India wafh. He keeps telling me how fab it all is & how he's filmed his journey into work etc etc. I have set up a DropBox account & shared it with him so he can upload & then the DSs & I can share. He keeps making excuses why he can't do it & has also said he can't use Skype, fb or anything else due to his work phone not supporting it (he has his personal phone with him too, so he can use that?). How come a gap year student can manage it & he can't? Ironically he's over there delivering courses on software testing & he's been an IT consultant all his life!

He may be away for as much as another month & while I'd have agreed 20 years ago that it wasn't possible, surely he can sort something in the 21st Century?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/03/2015 08:18

If he wanted to, he would, wouldn't he? It would be a priority for him. If, for some inexplicable reason he couldn't, he would find another method to keep in touch with you.

This would make me a bit sad, OP. I wouldn't chase him for contact. If he can't be bothered, he can't.

ThinkFirst · 12/03/2015 08:21

Sounds like he either can't be bothered or he just doesn't want to. As long as he has a personal smart phone and wifi there really aren't any other legitimate excuses.

My DH is currently working on the opposite side of the world and we keep in touch daily using Tango video calls over wifi.

ChipDip · 12/03/2015 08:25

You'll see it when he gets back? He's there to work, I would imagine having someone keep asking for videos would be annoying. As long as he calls, texts then I don't see the problem.

AbCdEfGh123 · 12/03/2015 08:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnowBells · 12/03/2015 08:35

My DH is in the software industry.

He doesn't do anything social media, Dropbox, etc. I am the admin of all his social media accounts! It would only ever be phone calls with him. He is weirdly technophobic for a software guy, but somehow seems to be good at it because when you develop software, it's more like maths/problem solving - nothing at all like what we (non-IT people) see on a daily basis.

YANBU. However, I don't think it's anything malicious. Some people just seem to have an aversion to this new kind of technologies a even though they're young!

MinceSpy · 12/03/2015 08:36

He doesn't want to. I Skype, whatsapp etc from and to all over the world. Some locations are tricky but can normally find a solution.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 12/03/2015 08:41

How strange. When DH goes away for work, he's always sending pics for the kids to see where he is, and we Skype regularly. This week he's in the US (where we live) and I'm in the UK and we have been Skyping every day and sending pics too. I find it quite odd to be honest. In the age of smartphones, it takes pretty much zero effort to send a quick pic or video. Which leads to why he's being like this. Even my parents and ILs (60s) have iPads and always send us pics when they're away. Is he like this about other things? Do you send him pics of the kids so he can see what they're up to?

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 12/03/2015 08:42

Agreed Mince - very rare to find somewhere without internet nowadays.

catsdogsandbabies · 12/03/2015 08:44

My DH does same job and travels to far out places inc India. He is talking shit. We skype all the time so kids can see hotel room etc. I can't believe his worj won't pay for calls home etc, hotels have wifi assume he had laptop. Assume can't be arswd or having work jollys a plenty.

Original poster
WotchOotErAPolis · 12/03/2015 09:33

All he has to do is load Dropbox on his phone? I've already got a Dropbox and have a shared folder for him to upload to.

He's staying 5* and has wifi so don't see the issue? Been there since last Friday so surely had time.

I know the time diff is awkward so calling/skype-ing not practical, hence the Dropbox. We can both logon when we're free. I have already put up some video of YS at athletics training & a trip out last weekend.

OP posts:
miniavenger · 12/03/2015 10:05

Are you sure he is in India? Sounds like he doesn't want to contact you for some reason which would make me very suspicious.

I know not everyone likes to use Dropbox because it's not that secure but nothing wrong with the others.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 12/03/2015 10:16

i would be so suspicious, my Oh only works 200 miles away but every morning the family all get ready to go to work/ school together on skype. I know india is in a timezone which would make this akward but something would be do-able if he wanted to.

EponasWildDaughter · 12/03/2015 10:27

What do you think, OP?

Are you just having a rant here, or are you suspicious of him?

Everyone is different, and every relationship is different.

Personally if my DH went away and made no attempt to set up what you describe it would be massively unlike him and i'd be very sad and concerned.

For others it would be no biggie at all.

STFUwhydontyou · 12/03/2015 10:35

Everyone is different. My DH has never failed to phone/ text every day about getting home. I never do the same to him. I only text in response, if then, but rarely initiate unless it's vital.

On the other hand I'm very Hmm about a friend who has never phoned or Skyped me in the nine years I've lived abroad. Too difficult, apparently.

SnowBells · 12/03/2015 10:46

Guys - as Eponas says, this is really dependent on each relationship.

I told DH about this thread, and we had a laugh... because my DH would really have to be pushed to use social media, Dropbox et al. With "push", I mean to the extent of threatening divorce, which would be really weird. Hmm

It's just not his thing. If he or I are away we normally talk on the phone once a day which I think the OP's husband does. Although when I had to go to the U.S. once, I missed out one day that he was really sad about. I went for a girlie dinner with colleagues, and It would have been Confused if he had gone on MN, and everyone said that something suspicious is going on.

What's the point with being so connected at all times?

SnowBells · 12/03/2015 10:48

STFU I hate Skype where you use the webcam. I only use it for calls. I really don't like people seeing me on a webcam - don't know why. I hate video conferences at work...

Original poster
WotchOotErAPolis · 12/03/2015 15:12

Mixed responses here! I am annoyed but it's not a deal breaker.

I've done what I can to set things up for him as he's obv really busy. Just on top of this being his first time away for >a week at a time & in such a fab place it would be nice to show the kids even if not me. Also irks that he is IT savvy & has time to go to exotic restaurants for dinner & has a trip planned round local temples during next weekend. Too busy just to pop a couple of pix up for us?

OP posts:
Middlerose · 12/03/2015 17:05

I would be frustrated if I were you OP. He clearly doesn't want to do it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/03/2015 17:09

seems weird he doesnt want to keep in contact

when i was in oz for 3 weeks, had literally just started seeing dp and we called every day using viber (free calls on wifi) and sent texts/pics via wats app - so all free

yes time diff was hard, but i had jet lag/not sleeping so would wake up 5am which think was 7pm over here

BikeRunSki · 12/03/2015 17:14

Social media, Dropbox etc are blocked on our work networks and we cannot access work wifi on our own phones , it is heavily password protected. My own phone would take about 5 million hours to use them without wifi.

marcopront · 12/03/2015 18:06

Internet in India is not always reliable. I am in India.

Is the wifi available all day? not always the case.

Getting an Indian SIM is a real challenge. I needed to provide proof of my address and a contact number so they could check who i was.

Time difference (5.5 hours) is a killer.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/03/2015 22:42

SnowBells... is it possible for you to be more crass? You had a laugh about this thread with your husband? You see no issue here? Whoop-de-doo. OP posted because she isn't happy about this. Her husband is away for another month and should have access to connect with his family. There is no technological reason not to. OP wants to talk about this without being belittled or having her feelings minimised. OK with you?

Original poster
WotchOotErAPolis · 12/03/2015 22:58

Don't worry - SnowBells was only saying she hated Skype! She's entitled to say so & not everyone loves technology. I don't feel belittled and I don't think she was being mean having a laugh about it. She and her DH were amused by the notion of their mutual hatred of all things techy. Really not an issue!

OP posts:
KiwiJude · 12/03/2015 23:11

Seems like he doesn't want to be in touch, which is sad/weird.

My DH travels a lot for his work, both domestically and internationally. He's pretty techie and is always coming up with some new way for us to communicate, with the exception of FB, which he loathes with a passion.

nightswift · 12/03/2015 23:18

Sounds like he wants to have a holiday away from his life for a bit - if so, seems a bit selfish and unfair on his family.