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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No I fucking well won't refund exp

55 replies

Leafitout · 12/03/2015 00:07

Excuse my title thread but I have got the rage. The CSA have informed me that because exp has submitted his tax form that they have now assessed him as paying only £5 a week because the poor bloke doesn't have enough wages to live on! He has evaded giving in his tax return form for years so the CSA set a default payment of £30 until he did submit. He still refused to do so and they took out a liability order. He came to an arrangement with the Baliffs to pay off £1200 at £100 per month which he did. I will add this is all my child has recieved in eight years!
So now that he has lied on his tax return form ( CSA lady said we both know that he doesn't live on fresh air) they have said he has paid over payments to me and I will have to refund him the money! Aibu that this is total bollocks

OP posts:
riverboat1 · 12/03/2015 09:23

This is awful. I would definitely be doing more research and seeking more advice on where you stand legally. It would be an outrage for YOU to end up paying HIM in this situation! And I say that as someone who is always ready to try to understand the NRP's side of things.

hestialou · 12/03/2015 09:33

If he is defrauding his tax return report it to hmrc who should investigate his finances. Good luck x

Original poster
Leafitout · 12/03/2015 09:33

Yes it's awful and so so wrong on all levels. Makes me wonder how many other resident parent have come across this. I have done nothing wrong here, but could end up in debt if they try and enforce this repayment into me.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 12/03/2015 09:35

Can see why you are hopping mad. The Maldives trip would push me over the edge.

Original poster
Leafitout · 12/03/2015 09:42

He won't have to wait for eight years for the CSA to give him the money back but it's been alright to make our ds wait eight years for £1200! He is defiantly commuting fraud lying on his tax return. The bastard gave his parents £60 k deposit to buy their house and put it in their name even though he owns it. And they were both in their late 60's at the time!That's how sneaky he is. Basically he has no shame in letting his child go without

OP posts:
Snozberry · 12/03/2015 09:47

£5 a week for 8 years is £2080 so even at that rate he still owes YOU doesn’t he?

I wouldn’t dream of co operating with this, he didn’t so why should you. Argue and fight it all the way. And report him to the Inland revenue for lying about his earnings, get him a nice big fine too.

CunningCat · 12/03/2015 09:49

What a shit! Report him to hmrc with all the facts you know. This is outrageous! I'm with you, no repayments!

BathtimeFunkster · 12/03/2015 09:57

The CSA have told you that you have to pay your violent ex child support money for a child he isn't allowed to see?!

Fucking hell. It really is a man's world.

Original poster
Leafitout · 12/03/2015 10:10

That's my other worry as he will now see this as another form of his control in my life. He is not wired right and this will only make him feel more in control. Eight years ago it was set at £30 default and he didn't even pay that so he has built up this in arrears he only started paying this off a year ago so really he owes a lot more than £2080 but I am highly unlikely to see any of that

OP posts:
ChoochiWhoo · 12/03/2015 10:17

Sorry not much insight but this is horrendous the system must be so inherintly corrupt to even allow this to happen, hope this awful situation gets sorted Thanks

chickenfuckingpox · 12/03/2015 10:18

call them and tell them what snozberry said i bloody would they are outrageous my ex works and pays nothing he has been assessed to pay £7.50 a week he never has and i doubt he ever will

Wailywailywaily · 12/03/2015 10:25

Something like this happened to me 6 years ago. Like you I was apoplectic with rage!

I simply refused to pay. And continued to refuse to pay. They did try threatening me and eventually they said that I would have to pay in the end. Then they stopped calling me and stopped writing.

Last month I received a letter apologizing for their mistake and saying that I no longer had to repay the money. I had forgotten about it as I never had any intention of repaying it but the letter is a little triumph!

Stick to your guns and do not part with a penny is my best advice.

bibliomania · 12/03/2015 10:38

I would complain to your MP, who should then contact CSA on your behalf and raise a question about this.

Original poster
Leafitout · 12/03/2015 10:53

They did try threatening me... This is so out of order. I already suffer with depression and anxiety and last night I coudnt sleep. This is stressing me out. I can't believehow they treated you Waily! Can a Government agency really behave in this way it's shocking

OP posts:
WhatsGoingOnEh · 12/03/2015 11:01

How much are they saying you have to repay?

Wailywailywaily · 12/03/2015 11:07

Just keep repeating that you don't have any money to make repayments, all the money you have gets spent on your DC. It does get a little repetitive. They tried to get me to make repayments of £5 per month. But I kept on refusing and repeating the above.

I did lose my temper with one young man and swore quite a lot, I ended up on the phone to the office manager swearing at him too. I wouldn't recommend this as they were quite upset with me but they stopped harassing me very soon after that

Viviennemary · 12/03/2015 11:11

Report him to the Inland Revenue and say he is earning a lot more than he is declaring and ask them to look into it. And he has recently been to the Maldives. This is mean but he's been mean to you and your child. So you have to fight fire with fire. IMHO.

sanfairyanne · 12/03/2015 11:23

bibliomania's idea is good
go see your mp

Original poster
Leafitout · 12/03/2015 11:27

They tried to get you to pay back child maintainance that your dc are entiltiled to well that says it all really what a fucked up system this is. I don't blame you for reacting in that way. My blood boiled past boiling point! I do want to report him but that brings me to his level! It really is the CSA at fault here. They should have put their foot down on him in the first place and all the other dead beat dads out there. How they get away with this is beyond belief.

OP posts:
Original poster
Leafitout · 12/03/2015 11:33

I have found out the mp for my area and it turns out that he is also a solicitor in human rights so have phoned and waiting for him to get back to me for an appointment. I'm going to take this further and get a positive result hopefully

OP posts:
Collaborate · 12/03/2015 11:45

Challenge the direction that you have to refund him. Take it to a tribunal if necessary. The delay in undertaking the assessment was entirely down to him. You shouldn't be expected to reimburse him.

ByTheWishingWell · 12/03/2015 11:47

Reporting him would not bring you down to his level. He is lying to avoid paying for his child. You would be telling the truth so a fair assessment can be made of his earnings, and how much he should be paying.

Good luck, and please try not to let it stress you out. You are not in the wrong here. Flowers

Frasras11 · 12/03/2015 12:41

Good on you Leafitout. MP, local councillors, do you have any kind of social worker involvement or family support you can go to? ( not saying you need it but you mentioned ex had been violent so just wondered). Get to the doctor as well and talk about the stress this is causing you not sleeping etc. I'm just thinking the more it's documented that you've spoken to folk about the stress this is causing you the better.

The CSA are shite. My DP has a son by his ex wife and pays monthly to her. Early last year we had some real money worries, had to take a mortgage break etc. he phoned CSA and asked if he could reduce payments for a bit until we were back on our feet. Their answer was that he could only stop making his payments. He tried to argue that he didn't want to do that but that was their only solution. So he said to them what happens if I stop paying and they said they'd take him to court. The system is shite and doesn't help thise who want to cooperate with it!

Hope it all gets sorted out for you. You and your DC deserve better!

WhatsGoingOnEh · 12/03/2015 12:49

But how much are they asking you to refund him?

If they backdate your claim of £5 a week eight years (will they backdate it that far? I thought CSA only backdate from the very first date you claimed, not when your ex became liable), he owes you £2,080. You say he's paid £1,200, so he stil owes you £880. Then if he also paid £30 a week for one year (did he? Or was that part of the £1,200?) that was £1,560. So you technically now owe him £680. Is that what they're saying you owe, or is it more/less than that?

You could ask for him to be repaid by not paying you £5 a week for the next 6 years. Would you miss that £5 a week?

WhatsGoingOnEh · 12/03/2015 12:53

I'd also ask the CSA to investigate his earnings. I'm sure they can do that. If not, report him to HMRC for possible tax evasion. There's no way his self-employed earnings are £25/week if he's jetting off on exotic trips.

When my ex was paying the least he could get away with, I hinted to him that the CSA could investigate his REAL income and come up with a very different figure. He shat himself, used the online calculator to work out what he should be olaying with his REAL income, and paid me that. It was double.