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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask how i deal with school attendence... son ill

34 replies

ghostspirit · 11/03/2015 07:57

Hi since my son has started secondry hes had sick bug about 5 times meaning hes had to stay of school about 3-4 days each time. when i say sick i mean sick as in head down toilet vomiting not just feeling sick. because hes had so much time of i end up with school attendence on my back. warnings of meetings and things like that. They have also asked me to get medical proof if i dont it will go down as unothrised absence. but also i have been told by gp that they dont like to get involved with school with that sort of thing. also i dont take my son to the gp because he has a sick bug. as theres no point.

are there any suggestions?

oh also what i dont get is at primary my son was rearly ill or of school now hes often ill with the sick bug and i dont understand why this has sunddenly happened since he started the school. he seems happy there. no bullying or anything like that. he complains about the odd teacher. but thats about it just normal stuff. so i dont think its a stress/worry thing. just seems very odd that hes often ill since starting the school

OP posts:

Hazelnut55 · 11/03/2015 08:02

If he has had 5 sickness bugs since September then I think he does need to see a Doctor. Keep a log of dates, details etc as 5 bugs is not normal at secondary.

The school will be under pressure to ensure that all pupils are achieving their potential, and poor attendance will be affecting this. The reason the school are coming down heavy is that 'upset stomach' is the reason of choice for anyone that wants a sneaky day off. With 5 bugs, they will be thinking there is more to this than you are saying.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 11/03/2015 08:11

hazel rather than go to the gp i have had a phone call from them instead. so hes not actually seen the gp. she did suggest it could be a hygene things thats common in boys his age. its not as bad as it was but i did at one point have to keep telling him to get a wash and use deodrant. but thats much less now.

and yes about the sneaky day of thing. when i was at a meeting with his form tutor it was a general how hes getting on meeting. she brang up attendence and when i said what i said in my op, she said well yeah some parents say that. i was quite angry to be honest that she seemed to be implying that im lying. and that was our first meeting so she did not know me as a parent.

also i dont like him being off i know hes 12 and old enough to stay home alone but i really dont like it at all.

oh yeah and he does not help himself thats very hard as well. you know with sickness bugs. your meant to eat very little and bland things. he wont stop eating then he chucks up what he eats then he eats again. and im at work so i cant stop him. and he just dont seem to get it. and its like the end of the world to ask him to do this...

OP posts:

DamsonInDistress · 11/03/2015 08:18

Hmm, is he at home by himself the whole time? I think a very sick 12 year old should have someone with them tbh, especially seeing as you know he can't be trusted to look after himself properly (gorging on food for e.g.). His absence pattern is disturbing tbh and you do well to work with the school and the EWO team to get to the bottom of it.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 11/03/2015 08:59

damson my daughter whos 17 is often home. shes not here on a monday or thuesday though. also i think she would find it quite hard to tell him about the eating thing. and i cant afford to stay of work. but yes i have phoned attendence this morning it was an answer phone so i left detales about my son and him being of and have asked someone to give me a call.

OP posts:

Davsmum · 11/03/2015 09:05

If this started after he started High school then there could be some underlying stress. It doesn't have to be bullying. Some children are sensitive to the change from Primary to Secondary school.
I remember feeling anxious and intimidated by the size of the school and by, well, everything about it.
I was off sick several times in the first few months and never told my parents why I really felt ill.
You should have a good talk with your DS, at least,..but I would talk to your GP about it because I doubt it is a sickness bug that many times, hygiene related or not.

zazzie · 11/03/2015 09:08

I would not take him to the gp whilst he has a bug but I would make an appointment for when he is better to have his general health checked out.

Waitingonasunnyday · 11/03/2015 09:14

My DD had a few episodes of sickness and I took her to GP when she wasn't ill., to discuss it. Mainly to show school and her that I was taking it seriously. Turns out she has a stomach acid imbalance thingy and the GP gave us some really useful advice about diet and snacks etc. She listened to the GP a lot more than she listens to me!!

Waitingonasunnyday · 11/03/2015 09:14

PS I meant to say - hope he is fully better soon.

grannytomine · 11/03/2015 09:15

My son had a year like this, no reason just seemed to keep getting bugs. For the rest of his life he has been disgustingly healthy, looks at the rest of us as if we are feeble if we have a cold or bug. I got a snotty letter about his attendance. I sent one back suggesting I bring him in when he is vomitting, asking why they have the 48 hr rule etc. They backed off and after a nice summer relaxing he started a new school year fit and well and never looked back.

ragged · 11/03/2015 09:18

Since OP mentioned hygiene, Maybe my 15yo DS is extra robust, until recently he barely showered once a week on average and I don't want to discuss state of his bedsheets or room. He's had maybe 2-3 sickness bugs in 3.5 yrs of secondary. Agree that 5 bugs in 7 months is strange.

MaidOfStars · 11/03/2015 09:21

It seems odd that he wants to eat while being sick. Something doesn't feel right about that. Not saying he's lying, but might it be a sign of some kind of disordered eating issue? Or perhaps that the sickness isn't down to a bug, which makes you feel shit and not want to eat, but down to something not infectious - cramping, stress, nerves?

Just pondering, throwing it out there.

PippaPug · 11/03/2015 09:24

Are you sure he is being sick? If your throwing up the last thing you would be thinking of is food surely?

Original poster

ghostspirit · 11/03/2015 09:25

maid i want to eat when im sick i get mad cravings :/ but if i know it would make me be sick i would not. i just cant get him to understand that he eats he will keep being sick. hes not lying anyway can hear him being sick... he is slightly over weight and he does have issues with food. i dont know why really though. although hes not as bad as he used to be. if he asks for something to eat and i say no because hes been eating loads. or hes just had a big dinner he used to throw tantrums about how starving he is. but he does not seem so bad now

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 11/03/2015 09:26

Could i t be migraine ? Keep a diary and ask gp to run blood tests and refer to a paediatricIan. Does he gave a fever during these episodes ?

Original poster

ghostspirit · 11/03/2015 09:28

pippa i think hes finding it hard to put together the eating and then being sick are linked. i told him he needs to rest his stomach because the food irritates it and then you end up being sick. if you did not eat for the day you probably would not be sick. i think he just thinks im hungry so im gonna eat. he was sick yesterday. and then went and bought himself fried chicken!! but hes defo being sick

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 11/03/2015 09:29

And ask go for some help with his weight may be some camhs input to avert any eating disorder. And to see if it is anxiety related. You need to get to bottom of what's going on as it's a lot if sickness bugs and could be something else. Which he cld get help for.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 11/03/2015 09:31

cest hes said hes dizzy a couple of times. when my younger kids are ill they still bounce round the room and are very lively they just stop to be sick every now and then. the 12 year old is simlar although not quite so bouncy. he was out in the garden playing last night making videos and stuff. he came in to chuck up then went back out. he was sick during the night as well then he was sick about 6.30 this morning

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 11/03/2015 09:32

Ask g p for referral. Your ds could speak to gp alone maybe if you trust gp . Sounds like it's either migraine or somehow anxiety oe eating disorder related. Gp can talk to him about diet healthy eating etc .

kilmuir · 11/03/2015 09:33

could you take him for an overhaul at Drs when he us well?

cestlavielife · 11/03/2015 09:34

Could be migraine. My dd began migraines age 12 with dizxoness nausea wtc didn't vomit but she was nauseous and dizzy. Keep notes and log every symptom. Get gp appt and insist on paed referral.

caryam · 11/03/2015 09:36

My brother kept being sick when he started secondary school. The GP said he was producing to much stomach acid and he was given a list of foods to avoid.
I am not saying this is the cause, but I do think he needs a GPs appointment to look at any underlying causes.

BobbyButtons · 11/03/2015 09:38

I haven't read the whole thread, sorry. But could your son be bulimic if he's gorging on food and being sick...? Sorry, if I'm way out of line, it was a just a thought. I hope I haven't offended anyone.

cestlavielife · 11/03/2015 09:40

Any other changes at home apart from school ?
Does he have good friends. Hobbies. ? Any worries socially ?
Any loss of consciousnessor staring spells ? tiredness ? Urine right colour ? Can you get a sample in to gp when you go ask them to dip stick urine ? ? You really need to push for answers and not brush it off as sick bugs. It s not normal. Get basic blood tests done iron levels etc.

iamEarthymama · 11/03/2015 09:41

I second the suggestion of migraine, my son had it as a teen and it presented as tummy upsets rather than headaches

PatterofaMinion · 11/03/2015 09:41

' he is slightly over weight and he does have issues with food. i dont know why really though.'

Hi Op

This rings alarm bells a little bit. It sounds as though he has some quite unusual issues with food. It could be something to do with this.

I'd be seeing the GP as a first off, and asking for a referral for a psychological assessment. I'm not going to be more specific as there are thousands of variants of eating disorders, and it might be something psychological or it might be something physical going on.

I do think though that this is a pattern that indicates an underlying issue of some sort that is nothing to do with infection or viral illness.

I feel for both of you and hope you can access some help for him asap.

There are some physical disorders that can make people feel very hungry and not know when or how to stop eating, and there are things such as bulimia which are more to do with emotional problems - I wouldn't know if either is a possibility but it is definitely something that ought to be sorted
out. School ought to be understanding if you tell them you have sought a referral.

Good luck.

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