To not want my dd (5) to sleep in same bed as stepdad?

[flowerandrandd]

So briefly mother has been remarried for 12 years. He is a lovely man etc, mid 60s etc. I have two daughters, one is a terrible sleeper. They have offered to have them for a sleepover. They have stayed before but last time my mother matter of factly told me my 5 year old daughter shared a bed on her with step father.

He is a lovely man as I said and has never given me any cause for concern but it doesn't sit right.

Firstly am I being really unreasonable and if I do choose to broach the subject how do I do it without sounding like I calling him a peodo?

Trust your instinct and put a stop to it. Trust me, I know.

If you don't feel comfortable with it then don't let it happen. My dd slept in the same bed with my mils dh once. I really didn't feel uncomfortable with that at all. But if I had, then it wouldn't have happened. Go with what you feel is right.

I am surprised that the step father feels comfortable with the situation.

I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping with an unrelated 5 year old. It's confusing for a child if she grows up to think that bed sharing with lots of different adults is OK.

My partner's parents live very near to us and dd has had sleepovers with them since she was a toddler. After the first one, we found out that she'd shared a bed with her grandma and that poor granddad had been turfed out and had to sleep in the single bed in the spare room. Neither of us felt uncomfortable about it, or thought twice about it other than feeling a bit sorry for her grandma (dd used to creep into our bed in the night and wasn't the best bedfellow as she took up most of the bed and used to grind her teeth!) and also sorry for her granddad who couldn't sleep in his own bed.

That went on for years until she decided that she'd rather sleep on her own in the spare room.

It wasn't a surprise that she wanted to share with her grandma as she always liked co-sleeping if she was allowed, and as a toddler had a marked preference for female relatives (and female adults generally). But I don't think I'd have felt any different if she was closer to her granddad and had wanted to share with him.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer with this. Each family just needs to decide what they are comfortable with.

I understand. I have children who get into our bed at night. When they stay with grandma they sneak into her bed, and she loves that too, and I am more than happy about that (my DM). But I would not be happy with BIL sharing a bed with either of my dc, even though he does lots of babysitting and is great with them. Doesn't mean I have suspicions of anything ir just doesn't feel right.

Well done for having that discussion with your dm.

I'm very glad that you've said something and it won't be happening again.

When I was a child I used to stay with a very close family member and her long term partner that everyone liked. They didn't have children and they treated me like their own. I then went on holiday with them. There was a shortage of beds in the apartment and I ended up sleeping on a sofa until a friend stayed over. I then slept in the same bed as the family member but one night for some reason I had to share with her partner. I woke up to him abusing me. I firmly believe that without that opportunity he would never have touched me. It was too easy and tempting.

I would not let my child sleep in the same bed as anyone I was not related to and trusted 100 percent and I think you have made the right decision.