to expect people to turn up on time?

[Teapot74]

Not to a dinner party, or on the odd occasion, but everyday??? I always see the same people drifting into school late without a care in the world. It drives me potty! I used to be a teacher and found it very disruptive when you are trying to get the day started. It can't be setting a very good work ethic to the child.
I personally think lateness is utter rudeness and arrogance. "I am more important than you, so you can wait for me"

Oh do get over yourself. We are always late, we aren't doing it to be rude or because we think we're better than anyone else, it's just a combination of poor time management (I'll admit it, I'm crap at it) and having three bickering children:

What a revelation! If you are 'always' late, then you are crap at organisation and you are assuming that you are more important than the person who is waiting for you. Saying that you are 'crap' at time management is not an excuse'. Get your arse out of bed earlier. My DS is being a snot at the moment about getting up and dressed, so I'm getting out of bed an hour earlier than I would like to make sure I can deal with a possible tantrum and getting him organised. Take some responsibility for yourself. If your children are snots in the morning, then get up earlier. It's not rocket science.

We've tried that, it works sometimes but not all the time because stuff still happens at the last minute. Most notably of late, the toddler managing to kick off her trousers, take off her nappy and spread shit on the carpet while I was doing hair and teeth.

She needed a bath, change of clothes, the floor needed scrubbing, all while trying to keep three curious (and yes, still bickering) kids from touching any of it. Yes, we were late. But we were going to be on time before that! We got up early and everything was ready the night before.

Please do tell me how I should have magically predicted that, and cleaned it all up in 30 seconds whilst calmly ushering them all out the door...

"It's not that hard" my arse. Some days IT IS.

Keep trying James - that's honestly how the rest of us manage.

I had 3 under 5s, one with asd. Yes its hard getting out the door some days, but every day? No.
My sister and mother are both always really late and I find it really rude.

If you only had '30 seconds' spare, then you were running late.

You know you have challenges in the morning. So you need to assume you need to get up earlier to manage the situation.

I'm not unsympathetic. My DS is challenging and mornings are one of the worst times for him. I simply can't hope that it will be a good morning and get up at the time I would like to if the morning was going to be a good one. I need to get up extra early, as horrible as it is, and start the process and hope I actually get to have a cup of tea before going to work. I need to assume it is going to be a 'shit hits the fan' morning, because I need to be at work on time.

There's a parent who I pass nearly every day on my way out of the school gates after drop-off, huffing and puffing, rushing her two kids along.

Everyone's late sometimes but how can you be nearly every day when you're going to the same place at the same time? I just can't get my head round it.

I have at least two friends that get given an earlier meeting time to make sure I don't suffer due to their lack of forward planning.
They have never turned up on time.
It's incredibly rude. The occasional late arrival is fine, but every fucking time is selfish.

Being late once or twice is fine, but everyday isn't.
I know people who simply don't get ready to go somewhere until they feel like it which means they're constantly showing up somewhere between 40 mins and an hour late.
I can't quite get my head around it. I know everyone has days where the kids play up or traffics bad but surely that's not every single day?

I am always on time, very rarely late even if it does involve some major rushing sometimes.

but What I really hate is when you have rushed in an effort not to be late, hurried the dc along, driven a bit too fast and got there for your friend to text saying "just leaving"
And then you sit there for 20 mins with the dc going can we get out now? Now? How about now? Now?

Arfgghhhh

It depends how often it happens.

If a broken down train/tantrumming toddler/unpredictable event happens every single day, so the person is always late, then yes they should start getting ready an extra X mins earlier so they are on time.

If it happens say 1 out of 5 times, then I don't think they should have to get ready an extra X minutes earlier every day so that they can be on time the 1 out of five days there is an issue - and early the other 4 out of 5 times.

James, breathe. It sounds as if you do get to school on time most mornings.

Everyone's saying that occasional lateness is understandable, but if you know there's a consistent problem with timings, allow more time. I used to aim to be out of the door (with baby, toddler, two primary-aged DC, dog) with 5-10 mins in hand. If it all went smoothly, we got to school as the gates opened and they had a chance to play before school. If shit happened (literally - thank you, baby) I could change the nappy, then leave and still have a few minutes in hand in case someone fell over. It was always stressful and did often include shouting at space-cadet eldest, but it would have been even more stressful had I not built that allowance into the morning routine. And no, I am not being smug: it was a struggle.

I am going to a meeting this afternoon. Barring the car breaking down, or there being no parking, I will arrive bang on time. And the other two will not be ready. I know this. It drives me nuts. It happens every time. But I can't risk being late, because it would look bad.

I used to be the chronically on time or early person. Even after DD's arrival.

The last couple of years though I have been juggling just too much and have started to be less on time as I want to be. Recently, we have been the last to arrive at my DGPs house for a family gathering, admittedly just after the previous arrivals and drinks were only being served, but last. Normally we are first and do a few last minute things for my Aunt. One set of swimming lessons for DD was just too tight for me to get from work and bring her, so she ended up missing half the class most weeks.

I have taken steps to address this - trying to reduce what is on our schedule, being even more ruthless about being organized etc. But I know that there are days when time literally seems to fly on me and I have messed up again.

I have only been chronically late once to collect DD from her old crèche (3 years there - 15 minutes late once due to traffic gridlocking) but have dashed in too regularly at 6 or just after to the afterschool club (6pm finish), and the minder has dropped DD to NDN twice in the past year (we live 5 mins from school but I work 45+ mins away in city centre).

But I don't like it and always try to be where I need to be on time and factor in enough travel time and everything else.

I grew up in a house where my parents were chronically late for everything and I think that has impacted on me wanting to be on time for things. I used to hate it.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana

This friend is consistently late every single time we arrange to meet. Fair enough, when nature calls you have to go but I'm at my wits end with people just showing up when they feel like it and leaving me standing around like a spare prick for 30-45 minutes.

I should point out that my friends are all unmarried, childless and have no chronic personal issues that take up much of their time. There really is no excuse when you have no kids or commitments to consistently show up late.

Lateness drives me crazy.

I remember though (when I was child-free) watching friends with children getting ready for a bar-b-q at midday. I'd never seen such faffing around in my entire life. I felt like barking "don't iron your bloody shirt now, we're already 5 minutes late and it's half an hour up the road!"
We arrived and they blamed the lateness on the children. It wasn't the kids fault, it was the mammoth amount of fannying around. My PILs and SIL are terminally terrible with time too.

But I accepted I would end up being late the whole time too once I had kids. And guess what - I am never late still, even when they were babies. It's as if I'm allergic to lateness.

Apparently, "late people" feel time differently and misjudge how long they need to do a task by minute amounts of time which all add up. I don't think it's people trying to be rude, but I do think it's rude not to at least have a go at changing routine if a person is consistently late...

I once mentioned this in a job interview when I was on time and the interviewers were ten minutes late. I wasn't having a pop at them but I didn't get the job

vienna1981 How late were your people? Mine changed my interview time from 10am to 8.30am. I'd rather had the later time but it was local so it was no real bother.

When I arrived 10 minutes early, the office was locked. I thought they'd turn up in 5 or even 10 minutes.

The first person turned up at a few minutes to 9am. The second at about 9.15am. No real apology. I didn't mention it. I could barely say anything because it was a January, there was a light dusting of snow, and I had on a big coat, gloves and a scarf but flimsy interview clothes and shoes.

I didn't get the job either but somehow I don't think I'd have liked it there if they were prepared to do that to me at the interview.

Other times I'm not that bothered about timekeeping. I think anything up to 15 minutes late, unless you have a train to catch, is fine.

I have a really special friend who has been up to two hours late for me. She doesn't think she's better than me. She's just crap at time-management - and yes, for all those people who say persistent latecomers always pull it out of the bag on important occasions, she has missed planes and turned up late for interviews and been sent away.

Now I arrange to meet her at the place and will go in if I want rather than hang around for her, because she is a great friend who's worth waiting for.

We're going on a fantastic two-day jolly tomorrow - courtesy of her work - and we have to catch a boat at 1pm sharp or we'll miss the whole thing. We spoke last night and I said we should get there at 12.30pm. My timekeeping's not the greatest either, but I know that to do that I have to leave at 12pm at the latest. Consequently my bag is going to be packed and hair washed before I go to bed tonight.

She agreed. I predict she will turn up in the nick of time, red-faced, sweating and having thrown a ton of money at a taxi driver

If we do miss the boat, I guarantee that she will bundle us in a taxi for the 30 mile drive and hope to claim it on expenses or cover it herself.

I like her. She's a latey but a keeper.

I'm usually stupidly early for everything. I'm being picked up to go to a funeral at 1.30pm and have been all ready for the past 15 minutes.

It makes me very stressed to think something amiss might happen and make me late for a thing.

Sorry vienna1981, I didn't read. Your interviewers were 10 minutes late.

I win then . But I think we both had a lucky escape because if they were prepared to do that, just think what they'd have done once we were in their clutches.

I always see the same people drifting into school late without a care in the world.

Ach, our teachers drift out late into the playground to get the kids too. Live and let live.

I wonder if it's a tendency from childhood?

Even as a child I would get a nervous stomach and be agitated if I knew we were going to be late. The idea of being late for school would have been unthinkable.

Now, I have two children who have been diagnosed with ADD and neither of them are fussed in the slightest if they are late. It freaks me out a bit sometimes how happy they are to accept wandering into school late on the odd occasions when the car is iced up (or similar - we live in a very cold place!)

puppymonkey I was going to a funeral for a work colleague with six friends. We were a very close team and decided to go together. As I've said, I'm not an atomic clock, but there are some things...

It was near Canterbury, Kent, and we were meeting in Clapham to drive there on a Friday morning. I don't know for sure but I'd estimate that would take probably about two hours to get there comfortably.

I arrived at the meeting house to find one person who'd travelled from Peterborough, which I think is a good two hours away, already there and the host half dressed, and very casual about the whole thing. The others, including the driver, turned up very quickly.

Our host was offering coffee and toast and we were saying we thought we he should hurry up.

Then he started saying that we should order flowers. The family had specified no flowers and we were now really late. We managed to bundle him out.

Our friend drove like a madman. The main thing I remember about the journey is not looking out of the windows for fear of an accident and trying to ignore the angry beeps and swerves.

We were late. We crashed the organist. Everyone glared. If I had my time over again I'd have stayed in the car until everyone came out but I just didn't think.

1 DSis is a chronically late person who has paid out more than the fingers of both hands for replacement air tickets - coming home for Christmas from a European capital via London instead of the direct flight, coming home from the same capital but having to drive 3 hours to a city in the next country to catch a (replacement) flt home, going the day after scheduled, had to catch a later connecting flt having dawdled in transfer airport too long, deciding not to travel at all for events as she'd missed the initial flt......

The other 5 of us have never missed a flt in our lives - 1 or 2 have a slight habit of rocking up with a few minutes to go, as DF used to do, but none have actually not gone on a planned plane journey unless the plane itself went tech or weather caused problems.

All 6 of the siblings have either lived abroad or travelled (very!) extensively as adults.

I'm glad you started this thread. We have some friends who are always late. It drives us nuts. I don't want to offend them, they are lovely people but it is so maddening. Their kids were always late for school and when the ht broached it with them they were livid. I just don't get it, why??? Just leave a bit earlier!!

Don't waste time on someone who's always late if they're not worth it.

But if you want to remain friends with someone who is persistently and sometimes spectacularly late but has other admirable qualities, you have to use your own time management skills, ingenuity or go with the flow.

Of course you should try to be on time but that's to everything there is to a relationship.

After all, the Nazis got the trains running on time.