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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that I wasn't included in any of the photos?

31 replies

OhFlippityBolax · 08/03/2015 12:56

I get that I'm no oil painting and would probably break the camera but at least Id make the others in the pictures look good right? So why, at a family event a few weeks ago, was I left out of all the photos? It's not like I avoided them, even when the 'formal' 'lets get a picture with the relatives who've travelled long journeys and not seen for years' pictures were taken I was handed the cameras and told to take the pictures. When I said 'ah now can we get some with me and the kids with x' suddenly everyone walked off

People have steadily been putting the photos up on facebook and emailing them round the family since the event and each time I see another batch I end up really upset.

I had really made an effort and looked, for me, quite good.

It's not the first time it's happened either. It even happened at my own wedding. The only photos im in are the formal ones. There are literally no guest snapshots that I'm in.

It's actually beginning to hurt quite a bit now. So what could possibly be the reason?! I'm all out of ideas!!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 08/03/2015 13:02

I think I would find that annoying. . I tend to vanish when photos are being taken but that's my choice not anybody else's.

Maybe it's time to say an abrupt no when handed the cameras?

FuckItBucket · 08/03/2015 13:05

I usually end up taking loads of selfies with the camera while everyone poses.

I do this to strangers who ask for pictures. I will do the first as asked but if asked for more I turn the camera, take note of me while they pose, hand phone back and run.

Grin

However it isn't fair on you at all. Can you bring it up?

Purplepoodle · 08/03/2015 13:05

Hand camera back and say could you take a picture of me and x first then I will rake your photo. Have you avoided photos in the past or make it known you dint like your photo taken?

scottgirl · 08/03/2015 13:05

YANBU. I often wish I was included in the proud array of photographs on someone's mantelpiece.

ChipDip · 08/03/2015 13:05

Yanbu that's mean of everyone who walked away. Did you say anything while they were walking away?

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 08/03/2015 13:07

I can see how that would be annoying. Think it's time to stop taking the photos for people.

AntiHop · 08/03/2015 13:08

Yanbu. That would upset me too.

Original poster
OhFlippityBolax · 08/03/2015 13:09

Yes I brought it up at the time but everyone did the 'oh so and so is asking to talk to me can't stop'. I just made my excuses and left. I seem to be the family joke.

OP posts:
Iactuallydothinkso · 08/03/2015 14:39

I so get you op. Same here. My husbands family are always doing this. They said they'd do my wedding video and I'm not even in it!!!!

Narcissistic twats! Move on and take selfies!!!

EveBoswell · 08/03/2015 15:15

I'm used to this. I'm usually the one who takes a camera everywhere and lines the others up for a photo and, of course, I'm never in them. The others always like to have a photo to help them to remember the event.

Now, I always get them into a group and ask a random passer by to take a photo or a few so I can be in the group photo. I did this the other day when a group of us were out somewhere and found myself elbowed to the back.... but at least I'm in them Smile.

PintofCiderPlease · 08/03/2015 15:26

Two words for you - Selfie Stick!!!!

So take them with you in the middle of the group, holding the camera on the selfie stick and refuse to take them any other way.

JoanHicksonMIfive · 08/03/2015 15:33

Is this just about photos or the way you are treated in general?

LovelyBranches · 08/03/2015 15:33

Yanbu. At my wedding, immediately after the ceremony I walked into the reception room where I was greeted by my cousin. She asked for a photo to which I agreed immediately and then she handed me the camera and posed with my dm!

I stood there in my dress taking photos of my guests. Dh and I don't have a single photo together.

Original poster
OhFlippityBolax · 08/03/2015 15:39

Probably a bit of both joan

OP posts:
JoanHicksonMIfive · 08/03/2015 15:42

I have been told recently by a relative who behave the same way in the past, they don't care about me. When people show you they don't care, keep your distance.

OddFodd · 08/03/2015 15:43

Not in your own wedding video! Shock

That's horrible and I can't think of any reason at all unless you're a brilliant photographer

Iactuallydothinkso · 08/03/2015 16:09

I'm definitely not a brilliant photographer! I think the pp has it right. They're showing you they don't care about your feelings.

My husbands family don't care for me. The upshot of this is that I barely have to see them! One of them is getting married this year, would it be awfully unreasonable to say that she must really really love him to have married him after his long standing affair. They don't know I know. Heck I don't even think SHE knows!!!

Revenge is a dish best served cold. But that's a whole aibu thread in itself.

Op, grab a selfie stick and take pictures because you want pictures. And then ignore the ego centric idiots Flowers

Chucklecheeks · 08/03/2015 16:25

When me and DH were engaged and due to be married in May 2003 SIL decided at the last minute to get married in October 2002. We didn't care when they got married I'm only giving the dates to show I wasn't a new girlfriend etc and had been with DH for over 14 years.

I wasn't allowed in any of the wedding pictures as I wasn't family. I stood at the side holding people's hand bags etc feeling so left out. To this day it still hurts. Also that hubby just left me stood there.

steff13 · 08/03/2015 16:26

What does your husband think about this?

clam · 08/03/2015 16:34

You're doing yourself down here quite a bit. "I'm no oil painting." "I looked, for me, quite good." I feel quite hurt on your behalf.

Your husband clearly loves you. Is this his family or yours who are being so vile here? And if it's yours, is this a new thing or has it always been the case?

AliceLidl · 08/03/2015 16:40

I was just wondering which side of the family it was.

Either way, you can get those cheap deals on canvas photo's now, so for birthday's and christmas's make sure they all get a big group canvas of you and your DH.

They can't say they haven't gotten around to framing it yet or stuck it in an album.

Seriously, if they are hurting your feelings they need to be told.

Joan that is a terrible thing, I hope you've told them where to go.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 08/03/2015 17:35

Well, my in laws have pictures from their offsprings weddings displayed in the hallway of their house. There is a beautiful one of their daughter leaving the house in her dress with her dad then one of the bride and groom posing together then another one of them shot candidly totally posed but y'know whatevs

Then there is our wedding day. There is a lovely photo of dh dressed very handsomely. With his unsmiling brother by his side. That's it. I don't think I'm photogenic enough for the wall of love.

JoanHicksonMIfive · 08/03/2015 18:08

No, I guessed they didn't care about me anyways. I have nothing to do with them. I just get on with my life.

Original poster
OhFlippityBolax · 08/03/2015 19:10

Thank you all for your support and sorry to hear others experience the same or similar

It's my family who do it. DH isn't bothered because he hates being in photos! Shame as he's very photogenic

OP posts:
Noodledoodledoo · 08/03/2015 19:18

My inlaws do this - there is one small picture of me and DH on our wedding day up, a huge one of him and his sister on the wedding day.

When we had our little baby the only pictures taken are of them inc SIL with her - none of me or DH with baby.

I can cope with me being excluded but think its odd they don't want a pic of DH with baby!

Loads of SIL around the house - no wedding or baby just graduation pics!