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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect a 6 year old..

70 replies

zosia54 · 07/03/2015 19:53

...to do around half an hour of chores/ homework a day?
He has to set the table, tidy his/his sister's toys (she's 1), read his school book/ go on a maths website and do a writing or science exercise every day. Three times a week he practises an instrument for 10 minutes. He does it all eventually, but it requires some badgering, hence the question... am I asking too much? Is it a fair amount in your opinion?
Thank you for your views

OP posts:

squareheadcut · 07/03/2015 21:28

My 7 year old had been doing instrument practise alone every night since he was 6 for half an hour then on top of that he does homework and sets table most nights. There was a time last year that he complained but he is reaping rewards now and sees how his hard work is paying off. Can't believe how many mums are saying what you are doing us too much. No way. Carry on doing what ur doing but give your dc a night off every now and then as a treat.

arethereanyleftatall · 07/03/2015 21:34

Dh, South African, didn't start school till he was 7. Till then, he just played, played, played. Couldn't even write his name.
He is now a surgeon, and on to his umpteenth masters which he does because he enjoys it.
Can't help but think a lot of kids who are pushed too soon, burn out.

thoth · 07/03/2015 21:35

If he just does 9-3 in school, then it doesn't seem like too much extra.
I would suggest music every day, and just 5 minutes. Becomes a habit more quickly that way.

Nanny0gg · 07/03/2015 21:35

My 6 year-old DGC is knackered after school. Does reading/word wall (v. good reader so books more involved).

Occasionally school might give more homework; maths sheet or something. Goes on maths website voluntarily every now and again.

That's enough.

(Oh, the table-laying, tidying up after himself is fine btw.)

Original poster

zosia54 · 07/03/2015 22:11

TBH I wasn't expecting that many responses! Thanks ladies ( and gents? ) It's interesting to see the differences in opinions... food for thought!
The only thing I did not see coming was the tidying up after his sister being an issue... The thinking behind it as other posters have said is that we are a family unit who help each other out on a daily basis, like most families our main values are to stick together and do nice things for each other. This is one of them. It's not breeding any resentment whatsoever, they are thick as thieves and Ds loves being responsible for a little one, making her laugh and occasionally telling her off too!

OP posts:

AnnieThePianist · 07/03/2015 22:18

give your dc a night off every now and then as a treat

Woah there, not so fast. Why even bother with the occasional night off? I mean, he's six after all. What does a six year old need with down time?

BathshebaDarkstone · 07/03/2015 22:23

My 7 year old does about half an hour of homework once a week, reads her reading book for 5 minutes every day as she really doesn't get enough sleep, puts her clothes in the washing machine and wipes the table after meals.

BackforGood · 07/03/2015 22:32

Another YABU from me. I have always expected my dc to chip in with jobs such as laying the table, but I never expected them to be doing homework at 6. (We've always seen reading as a pleasurable thing, they've all read avidly, so I wouldn't count that as homework)

Delphine31 · 07/03/2015 22:35

If you were to pose the question on a French forum I imagine you would get different responses.

I worked as an au pair in France. I was appalled at how little time is left for children to be children after they have done the school day, music (/other activities after school) lessons, piano practice, homework set by school, extra homework set by mother.

There was no time after school for anything apart from these things, eating dinner and getting ready for bed. And even at weekends there seemed to be lots of homework/practice/ballet at the expense of developing as young people via play/nonsense/interaction with friends.

It's just so sad that parents feel the need to give their children extra work on top of an already-demanding school programme.

The eldest two children that I looked after were starting to rebel against the regime and I don't blame them. I often wondered what they would think when they grew up and looked back on their 'childhood'.

Cherrychocolate · 07/03/2015 22:43

I think at this age school is very tiring for them. I don't think it's fair to expect them to do chores when they get home. Homework that is set by the Teacher is one thing, but a whole list of extra stuff to do every day is too much to expect IMO.

BikeRunSki · 07/03/2015 22:48

6 yo DS - reads whatever books he brings home from school; 1 a day is usual.
About 15-30 mins numeracy h-w once a week.
Vaguely tidies his room. Occassionally helps with putting washing away/laying table.
No music.
Quite a lot of sport.

AmysTiara · 07/03/2015 22:58

I think it's a lot tbh. He shouldn't be tidying his sisters toys away.

Bunnyjo · 07/03/2015 23:09

It's not breeding any resentment whatsoever, they are thick as thieves and Ds loves being responsible for a little one, making her laugh and occasionally telling her off too!

But he shouldn't be responsible for her, nor should he feel he is in the position to tell her off (discipline) her, either!

Flomple · 07/03/2015 23:13

Zosia I wouldn't argue against doing nice things for each other, I think it's the one way nature of it. My mum had a much younger sib and she and the other older ones definitely grew up feeling like unpaid servants for the youngest. I'm not saying they were actually treated like that, and I know they doted on their baby sib, but that was how they ended up feeling as teenagers. It's not just the toys, it's part of a much bigger thing that you will always expect more of him - better table manners, thank you letters, more chores, higher standards of behaviour - and rightly because he's a lot older. So why add to that by asking him to do 'one way' jobs for her, that she can't and will never repay? When is she going to do a specific task for him personally, every night? I expect her jobs will be something more neutral like doing the washing up, not tidying his bedroom for him :). So why not give him jobs that also contribute to the family more neutrally, without that risk to his self esteem of having him clear up after her?

I might be overthinking this. Sorry for my long post, it's surprising how much was in my head!

Allisgood1 · 07/03/2015 23:21

It's too much way too much.

My 6yo is expected to tidy HER toys (I do the rest) and read daily. They are at school learning all day. Plus clubs etc afterwards.

YABU.

Topseyt · 07/03/2015 23:40

I'd say it is too much.

Some reading and any school homework is fine, as are helping to lay the table and tidying up his OWN toys.

I know when I was that age I would really have resented being asked to tidy up after my younger sister.

I firmly believe that we frequently push children too hard, too soon. They need to be allowed to be children first and foremost. Everything else comes soon enough, and childhood is all too short.

tigerlillyd02 · 08/03/2015 01:40

I would say it's too much. After being in school all day - what happened to childhood? Why is a 6 year old doing extra work after being in school, forced to learn about things they're mostly not interested in (just to tick government boxes) all day, day after day?

Relax and let him enjoy his childhood! Children learn naturally. Turn them into mini regimented workers too soon and you will likely squash all love of learning at a very young age. The fact you're having to battle to get him to do tasks now suggests he's already fed up. Fed up and bored - of learning. Of working. At age 6. That's incredibly sad.

The positive is - he's young enough to turn it around. Try asking him what he's interested in. Any topic at all. You can have fun and incorporate maths, English, science into that given topic, without him even realising.

Find what he is interested in and you will find he'll learn more in a 30 minute session than he will in an entire week, being force fed information at school. And the best part - it leaves him thirsty for more.

I fail to understand why we have a society (in general) of pushy parents who think they are doing best by their children by forcing them to sit and write essays. To learn about things that, to them, have no relevance. And the truth is - even as adults, the majority of things learned in schools, really do not have any relevance to our every day lives. The children are right. And to think that pushing them so hard at such a young age is going to put them into a high paying job as an adult is also very misguided.

I guess it depends on what your idea of success is. If money is success to you - then by all means, risk your childrens future happiness for the sake of having them memorise enough facts to pass an exam. But that's still no guarantee of more money in adult life. If your idea of success is to produce confident, happy, well rounded adults - then back off and allow them to be children, to maintain the wonder and excitement, to enjoy learning and let them find their own way.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 08/03/2015 01:46

YABU. My DD is 6 and we do reading/homework as when required, but I incorperate education into every day things so it isn't obvious.

Also, I remember how hard and exhausting school can be. I like to let her relax when she gets home. I think down time is very important.

That many chores/responsibilities is too much. He is still a young child, let him and you enjoy it while it lasts!

lavenderhoney · 08/03/2015 01:56

Why is he tidying his sisters toys? Is she helping? Even just trying to pass them? Do you do it with them and make it fun?

It does sound a lot tbh. Saying that my ds7 cleaned out the car and hoovered it today, and helped his Dsis5 with her reading. But it's voluntary. He doesn't get pocket money.

It depends on your child. There's not an awful lot of time between end of school and bedtime, and dc need downtime- would you come home from work and do extra every night?

The HT told me to let the dc get bored and find their own way. The school is an outstanding one so I follow her advice:) they get very little homework.

Notso · 08/03/2015 08:15

It's up to him how he organises himself as long as everything is done/ticked on his chart at the end of the week.
Are you his Mother or his manager?

...like most families our main values are to stick together and do nice things for each other.

It's not really doing a nice thing if someone else is making you do it though.
My older two sometimes tidy up with or for the younger two, it's spontaneous though because they want to help not because I'm making them.
They are all responsible for themselves from the 2yo to the 14yo. They still all do things to help each other but it comes naturally, I've never enforced it. This morning the 10 year old took the little ones downstairs, brought me and DH a cup of tea and the 14 year old made them all breakfast. This doesn't happen all the time but it's lovely when it does.

The homework seems too much for such a young age. Is he actually getting anything out of the work you make him do? If he doesn't seem to want to do it then maybe he isn't.

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