to be pissed off about this?

[firsttimemum0000]

So this morning dp decided to wash his car. He spent a good hour on it. Thing is there are a number of things in the house that he should have been doing, things he has been promising he'd do for ages, things that are, imho, more important as they benefit us all not just him. To be fair I think that washing cars is always a waste of time but my issue is that he chose to do that over the various chores he knows he should be doing instead but doesn't want to.

*so much MORE precious than yours.

She doesn't need to make a case. If he had agreed to do something he should do it. If it is everyday stuff that he would have to do if op wasn't there he should be pulling his weight too and the op shouldn't have to remind him to do stuff that anyone with eyes and a modicum of intelligence can see needs doing.

The issue comes when one party has different expectations and doesn't see something as a priority that the other person does. That's why communication is important and "testing" someone on a test they don't know about is unhelpful and yes, it is passive aggressive. Understandable in this situation which sounds horrible and prolonged but it is ultimately counter productive.

Has it occurred to you, OP, that for someone that has 'zero leisure time' you have spent the best part of today dicking about on the internet? Certainly more time than he spent washing his car.

Whether you are doing this on a computer, tablet, or phone - how do you think he feels about this? And that's without him knowing you are actually bitching about him.

Yawn. That old one Uncommon? Why not look at the time the op had posted. She's hardly been on here all day has she?

Thanks so much, it really helps to have some supportive comments like this. They've gone out so I'm rehearsing what I'm going to say and trying not to get angry!

I hope it goes well later OP.

Do you guys have any conversations without mentioning chores? I would avoid you too if all you ever talk about is chores.

"I had planned to have a chat then before we went out but we had a "full and frank exchange of views" instead this morning when he had a go at me for something pretty minor that I'd forgotten to do."

It doesn't sound like you wanted a chat with him.

Are you me?

Just had the exact same argument with dh.

'I might polish the car'

'Why? You never polish the car and there's stuff in the house that needs doing'

'Like what?'

pointedly looks at the half a bike in the living room which id allowed him to bring into the house to fix as it was so cold outside on the proviso it'd not be there more than a day

'Oh well, it's only been there a week.....'

OP can I recommend a book to you Wifework

It talks through how domestic labour is about power. Your OH is pulling a power thing in demanding that you ask him "in the right way" to do what he should be doing without anyone asking becuase he's allegedly an adult

Well Op I hope you learned a valuable lesson here today. Not only can men do whatever the fuck they like with no regard for the rest of the family..but it's your job to remind them constantly what they should be doing (but only in a non "naggy" way)

I've noticed a lot of "men's chores" seem to be chores that they only do every so often when they can be arsed and also take them outside the house always from the family and children.

Hope it went well and yanbu

Given that you can get cars washed inside and out for £12 at Asda while you do your shopping, or just £5 for the outside, I've rarely washed our car by hand. Also the kids have now discovered how much fun it is to go through the automatic one so we do that to

They're pretty much the worst two ways of washing a car. Great if you want your paintwork shagged. You'd be better off leaving it dirty.

Yanbu. For so many reasons. But men get away with it because they can and society let's them and blames women for 'asking in the wrong way '.