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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bypass friend to arrange a holiday

48 replies

Effnjeff · 07/03/2015 11:40

For 2 years running (about 5 years ago) we were lucky enough to be invited to join friends for a holiday in Spain. The house we stayed in belongs to a friend of theirs.

We are no longer able to go away together due to work commitments and last year I asked my friend if the owner of the house would be happy for me to approach her and ask if we could rent it.
My friend got quite sniffy and told me that her friend does not rent out the house commercially, implying I was being cheek to even ask.

However, thinking about going away this year, it frustrates me that my friend has made herself unofficial gatekeeper to the house. Surely if I went straight to the owner, a quick yes or no, would give me my answer.
Is it worth going direct (I have the lady's details) and risking friendship or should I just forget the whole idea and look elsewhere (would be such a shame as the house is perfect). My friend and her family have been back every year since, so don't really see what her problem is. Wouldn't step on her toes with any booking and if it's already full/owner would prefer not to rent out, then so be it.

OP posts:
holidaysarenice · 07/03/2015 11:43

Yes it's incredibly cheeky. You were invited to join friends of e owners, not rent this house. By asking you are putting the owners Ina difficult situation and will be seen to be angling for a freebie even if you offer to pay.

This is why our holiday home stays ours. It's causes so much angst otherwise.

You will lose a friend over this. Seen it happen many times.

ifdaryldiesweriot · 07/03/2015 11:45

I think if I had a holiday home that I didn't rent out then I wouldn't want people I didn't know there. Even if they paying.

Not sure if they would have insurance for it also.

Ask if you're that bothered about going but it might cause tension between you and her friend because it's highly possible she'll find out that you asked.

greenfolder · 07/03/2015 11:47

i agree. your friend is friends with the owner and was generous enough to invite you to join her.

the owner of the house does not want to be put in an awkward spot and in doing so you may jeopardise her view of whether she wants to let your friend use it.

there are squillions of holiday lets in spain, rent one of those.

sandgrown · 07/03/2015 11:48

Why Don't you look on sites like owners abroad and check if the house is ever offered for rent. If it is then it should not be a problem.

sandgrown · 07/03/2015 11:50

Sorry .just seen she does not rent it (should read properly!) Maybe she does now!

Hassled · 07/03/2015 11:54

The friend doesn't think it's appropriate for you to ask, so don't ask. Look on ownersdirect.co.uk - there are a lot of lovely holiday rentals out there.

NakedFamilyFightClub · 07/03/2015 11:58

Does the owner doesn't know your friend invites people along? I reckon your friend is afraid of getting caught out.

We have a holiday home too, but I'd be more pissed off at people we let use it inviting other people than those people contacting me and asking if I'd hire it our.

Unless this house is something special, why not just find something nearby if you like the area and hire that?

RobbStarksBitch · 07/03/2015 11:59

OP did you pay to rent the house when you went on holiday with your friend?

NakedFamilyFightClub · 07/03/2015 11:59

Does the owner not know, not doesn't know, sorry!

IshbelAnderson · 07/03/2015 11:59

Please don't do this. I have a family holiday home that we have occasionally let out to friends/family who bring their friends, but I have no intention of letting it out all summer/holiday season. Mainly because I don't want to have to put all of our personal belongings into storage, arrange matching linen & crockery, deal with health & safety/insurance issues etc., let alone having to arrange local cover in case something goes wrong while anyone other than close friends/family use it. I would be really annoyed with my original friends if one of their mates bypassed them & asked to rent our house, just not on.

dustarr73 · 07/03/2015 12:00

Your friend could be bringing you without the owners consent,thats why she doesnt want you asking.
But i wouldnt ask anyway you dont know the owners and it makes out you are looking for a freebie even if you offer to pay for your time there.

gobbynorthernbird · 07/03/2015 12:00

The owner probably gets tons of requests from people wanting to 'borrow' their house. It really is bad form to ask.

Original poster
Effnjeff · 07/03/2015 12:01

Fair enough.....
Yes the owner does know us and has met DH a few times.
Will look elsewhere (big sigh)

OP posts:
countessmarkyabitch · 07/03/2015 12:03

Your friend is possibly doing what her friends want, stopping people from asking for soemthing they don't want to give.
You were invited on holidays with friends. You weren't invited to rent thehouse on your own without those friends. Find yourself somewhere else to rent.

FenellaFellorick · 07/03/2015 12:03

No, you can't really contact people you don't even know and say hi, I'm a friend of your friend, can I come and have a holiday in your house please. We come every year when you let your friend use it...

noooooooooo

Go on the internet and book a holiday house/villa.

You'd pay the same anyway, right? You wouldn't be expecting to pay less than the going rate, would you? So find somewhere nice, don't piss off your friend, don't put someone you don't even know in a really awkward position and don't risk causing problems between your friend and their friend.

RobbStarksBitch · 07/03/2015 12:04

I'm just wondering if maybe you were being told rent is x amount by your friend when in actually fact she was getting it a lot cheaper or even free from the owner when you all went together and your friend is afraid of getting caught out if you go to them directly.

FenellaFellorick · 07/03/2015 12:04

xpost, well, someone you barely know as opposed to someone you've never met.

Original poster
Effnjeff · 07/03/2015 12:06

Would absolutely have paid going rate. Just would have been a bonus going back to house and area we already knew & loved.

OP posts:
FenellaFellorick · 07/03/2015 12:08

have you checked out whether it is listed on any of those holiday sites? Is there anything to indicate that they do indeed rent this out to anyone going on holiday and not just kindly let friends use it?

You could use this as an opportunity to explore somewhere else. Take a chance. See somewhere different.

ifdaryldiesweriot · 07/03/2015 12:10

I feel sorry for the friend in this .... so far she's been accused of sneaking people into a holiday home without the owners permission and then scamming her own friends to get money.

Quite a few nasty assumptions about someone when you know absolutely nothing about.

AlpacaPicnic · 07/03/2015 12:10

Oh, well see I was thinking that op would send a polite message asking if the house is rented out. Surely the owner just replies 'yes we do, the cost is £x per week' or they reply 'no we do not rent it privately, sorry.'
Doesn't seem like a big deal to me, it's all about how politely you ask.
So I don't think YABU.

ifdaryldiesweriot · 07/03/2015 12:11

Would absolutely have paid going rate. Just would have been a bonus going back to house and area we already knew & loved.

Nothing to stop you going back to the same area.

Original poster
Effnjeff · 07/03/2015 12:11

Pretty sure it's not listed elsewhere, its a home from home for the owner with many personal items/furniture.

OP posts:
Gen35 · 07/03/2015 12:12

Whatever your friend's reasons are I don't think you can or should bypass her, it's just not worth it. Just look for one of the many commercially available villas. If it were my house and friends of my friend approached me directly I'd not be at all happy about it.

DoJo · 07/03/2015 12:14

My friend got quite sniffy and told me that her friend does not rent out the house commercially, implying I was being cheek to even ask.

I don't think this is sniffiness - she is conscious of not overstepping the boundaries of her friendship, and the fact that you were considering going behind her back in spite of this shows that she is right to be protective of her friend's generosity.

My friend and her family have been back every year since, so don't really see what her problem is.

She obviously values her friendship with this person as more than just a means to use her holiday home and she doesn't want her friend to be taken advantage of. You only have to read the threads on here about the way people take the piss with others' holiday homes to realise that many consider them 'fair game' and have no respect for the preferences of those who actually own them.

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