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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To bypass friend to arrange a holiday

48 replies

Effnjeff · 07/03/2015 11:40

For 2 years running (about 5 years ago) we were lucky enough to be invited to join friends for a holiday in Spain. The house we stayed in belongs to a friend of theirs.

We are no longer able to go away together due to work commitments and last year I asked my friend if the owner of the house would be happy for me to approach her and ask if we could rent it.
My friend got quite sniffy and told me that her friend does not rent out the house commercially, implying I was being cheek to even ask.

However, thinking about going away this year, it frustrates me that my friend has made herself unofficial gatekeeper to the house. Surely if I went straight to the owner, a quick yes or no, would give me my answer.
Is it worth going direct (I have the lady's details) and risking friendship or should I just forget the whole idea and look elsewhere (would be such a shame as the house is perfect). My friend and her family have been back every year since, so don't really see what her problem is. Wouldn't step on her toes with any booking and if it's already full/owner would prefer not to rent out, then so be it.

OP posts:

GokTwo · 07/03/2015 12:14

Mmmm, not sure. My parents have a house abroad and they don't rent it out. They would feel a bit awkward if friends of mine started emailing them about renting it. It's not a huge deal but why don't you just take your friend's word for it?

GokTwo · 07/03/2015 12:16

What DoJo said. Her friends might be pissed off with her and say "you know we don't rent it out to anyone besides friends. Why are you giving our email address to random people?"

AlfAlf · 07/03/2015 12:19

Yabu.
Your friend kindly invited you to share in their holiday twice, and now you're acting all entitled.
Just look for a place that actually is available for rent in the same area if you like it.

DontDrinkandFacebook · 07/03/2015 12:22

I really wouldn't do it. Lots and lots of people do NOT rent their house to just anyone, but reserve it for the use of close friends and family only. You've been told that. Accept it with good grace.

If you are prepared to pay the going rate there will be plenty of other choice in the same area.

ajandjjmum · 07/03/2015 12:23

It's putting people in a difficult position, and going against your friend's request.

If you had a direct line of contact to the owner - ie. you had met them - you could possibly ask them if they know of anyone who rents a similar property in the same area as you love it so much. But still borderline impolite imho.

DontDrinkandFacebook · 07/03/2015 12:24

And frankly, if you are paying full market rate then it's always better not to complicate things by having a personal connection to the owners, in case of any disputes or problems.

AlpacaPicnic · 07/03/2015 12:24

Ok, I'll revise my answer - why not email and ask the owners if they know if any nice houses in the same area that are rented out? They might know of a neighbour that they would pass your details onto.

dangerrabbit · 07/03/2015 12:27

Try going on air bnb.

WhatsOnTheMenu · 07/03/2015 12:37

I don't think you should make a direct approach to the owner to ask to use their villa but I would be tempted to contact her and say something along the lines of

"we had a wonderful time when we stayed at your villa with X, we are planning to go back to the area and wondered if you know anyone who rents out a nearby villa?"

That gives them the opportunity to offer theirs if they want.

CaptainAnkles · 07/03/2015 12:39

Yep do that one ^

FenellaFellorick · 07/03/2015 13:24

If you're going to do that one, make sure the owner actually knew you had been going with your friend!

MiddleAgedandConfused · 07/03/2015 23:41

YABU - leave well alone and find somewhere else.

Hippychick73 · 08/03/2015 01:26

You could always email then and ask if they have any knowledge of any properties similar in the area and give them your budget so that they know your not expecting a freebie

You never know they might be happy to rent it to someone that has stayed before

newbiefrugalgal · 08/03/2015 01:52

You know the area so just search for accommodation in that town/area

Iwantacampervan · 08/03/2015 07:56

My parents have a holiday home (in UK) - they do not let it commercially but my brother and I use it and also friends of ours. They would not be happy, and have said no, to letting friends of friends use it.

Artesia · 08/03/2015 08:01

Pretty sure it's not listed elsewhere, its a home from home for the owner with many personal items/furniture.

Isn't that your answer then- they don't rent it out? I'd just look on Ownersdirect etc for properties in the same area.

bberry · 08/03/2015 08:02

Total bad form...

Your friend invited you on her holiday as since gesture... But now she's a "gatekeeper"

I think you need to remember she was being nice in the first place....

There are millions of holiday homes to let..... Chose a different one

MidniteScribbler · 08/03/2015 08:08

I have a holiday home, and it's not for rent or even lending to friends. It is my home, albeit the one I spend less time in that my other property, and I'm going to retire there so gradually transferring items everytime I fly over. I don't want to have to worry about someone breaking something or not taking care of it like I would. I hate how people assume they have some sort of right to use someone else's holiday home. In fact, very few people even know I own mine, just to avoid this very issue.

Find a holiday let. I can't imagine they are hard to find in Spain.

paddlenorapaddle · 08/03/2015 08:12

You're not really treating her like a friend are you. "Gatekeeper" etc

Have you thought maybe the entitled way you are approaching this is making her wary

Please respect her wishes. No means no

londonrach · 08/03/2015 08:19

Seriously you had to ask. Yabu. Loads of lovely properties out there. Rent one of those and enjoy new experiences with dc and dh.

Vycount · 08/03/2015 08:45

If you email to ask if they know of other properties in the area it will seem as if you are hoping they will offer theirs. Just leave owner and friend out of the equation and get on to finding another holiday property.

AyeAmarok · 08/03/2015 08:45

Very cheeky OP. Don't do it.

Your friend is right to be sniffy with you. She invited you along twice and now you are going to ride roughshod over her friendship with the owner when YOU KNOW she doesn't rent it out commercially as it had all her personal things in it! TBH I can't believe your brass neck! That is very selfish.

Just go somewhere else. It's not the only house.

Ps - Don't be surprised if your friend distances herself from you now too.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 08/03/2015 19:08

And don't email these people asking if they know of any other properties in the area either as it makes it look like you're wanting them to do your legwork into the bargain!

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