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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder my my child is lying at 4?

38 replies

Lottie10000 · 07/03/2015 10:50

My boy is nearly 4 1/2 and is generally a very happy, energetic child.
He can be boisterous and gets bored very easily so we make sure we channel this into things such as football / swimming club.
He attends pre school twice a week which he enjoys and is very well behaved there.
He can on occasion be aggressive towards me and his dad if he loses his temper and we always tell him it's never ok to hit, we've never hit him, he has time out or loses a toy but I can honestly say he's never so much as had a tapped hand as we don't agree with it.
Last weekend we met up with an old friend of mine who he has never met as we usually meet whilst he is at pre school and she lives a long way away and after the introductions he comes out with " I'll tell you a story my mum hits me " and then bursts into laughter. I reply by saying don't be so silly, but literally didn't know what to say in front of my friend I was mortified and shocked!
We've spoken to him about lying before last year over things more trivial if he had done something the cat did it, or he didn't just push the kid in the park, the kid fell over even though I had seen, that kind of thing but it stopped for a long time and now this.
My mum thinks it's attention seeking, that he felt left out and said something to get a reaction.
Is this common in kids of this age? He was really laughing to himself after he said it which makes me think he laughed as he knows it would never happen so it was just a silly thing to say, but also if it's that he's lacking in some area of attention etc I want to fix that!
Any advice?

OP posts:
FuckItBucket · 07/03/2015 10:52

Kids lie. It's just something they do. From saying that you hit them to saying they didn't eat the chocolate even though it's tound their mouth

It doesn't need reading into to deep imo

My son told my mum I left him alone for a week then laughed at his self.

Kids are just weird like that

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 07/03/2015 10:57

Hey, thanks for your reply.
I guess I was so mortified as it's never happened, it's something I've never dreamed of doing.
Maybe I'm over thinking was just super embarrassed and hoping she didn't bloody believe him!

OP posts:
FuckItBucket · 07/03/2015 11:00

If you think that's embarrassing, you won't be prepared for what might come next Grin

My son has got public embaressment down to a tee. It's like he put on earth to make my face turn red and make strangers laugh at my expense through lies and questions Grin

Darkforcesatwork · 07/03/2015 11:00

My 3 kids used to all get together and say we hit them with sticks!! Shock Wasn't until we explained the consequences of someone contacted social services and them potentially being removed that they decided it wasn't funny any more. We have never hit any of them with sticks I hasten to add although the DSs do often batter each other with whatever comes to hand!

GlitzAndGigglesx · 07/03/2015 11:01

As already said they lie. My dd will come out the bathroom and say she's washed her hands when they're bone dry and I didn't hear the taps. I think hope it's normal

Darkforcesatwork · 07/03/2015 11:01

*contacting

Purplepoodle · 07/03/2015 11:01

3 boys they all have done similar things. My 3 yr old can lie like a pro Confused

Iloveonionchutney · 07/03/2015 11:05

My 4yr old dd is exactly like this too, lies about really random things. I think its normal and hopefully they grow out of it.

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 07/03/2015 11:09

Yes that's the worry too that if he's comfortable saying it to someone he's never met as he thinks it's so funny would he say it at pre school?
When I asked him why he said it he said he didn't say it! So that conversation went well as he didn't know what I was going on about then!

OP posts:
RoadRunnersMate · 07/03/2015 11:09

My dd is the same age as your ds and she tells fibs all the time the best one is she tells people my dp wears my clothes.

Misslgl88 · 07/03/2015 11:17

My 6yo (7 in December) still tells lies! Especially if she has been doing something she shouldn't have been doing and knows is wrong. We seem to be getting through to her with the 'you won't get into as much trouble for being honest as you will for lying' tack but I can tell straight away when she is lying and she does that thing where you ask what she has done and she looks all around going ermmm likes she's trying to make something up, I gove her the chance to own up then it's lose a toy or TV ban.

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 07/03/2015 11:20

I wouldn't mind petty little lies but this one was a big one and could have serious consequences so he needs to be aware it's not ok to say such things! Not helpful when he can't remember saying it now though!

OP posts:
DoJo · 07/03/2015 11:41

I think you may be blowing it out of proportion a little - it sounds like he thought he was telling a 'joke' rather than actually lying with the intention that anyone would believe what he said. Kids don't really understand humour - as far as they are concerned, someone says something that's not true and other people laugh, so when they try to replicate that it often comes out oddly, but it's not necessarily something to worry about.

Charlotte3333 · 07/03/2015 11:49

DS2 is 4 and was sat in a trolley in a supermarket recently. He usually walks but he ran off and hid in the racks of underpants so was in time out. I was a few metres away looking for veg and an older lady walked up to him and said "Oh you poor thing, you look so sad, where's your Mummy?". I overheard so walked over and she said "Is this your Mummy?" and the little devil replied "No, that's definitely not my Mummy".

I had to show her pictures of him on my phone to stop her thinking I'd stolen him, and still she followed us around the rest of the supermarket. Nobody with half a bloody brain would steal a child so ridiculous as that.

Kids lie and test people. I think it's natural. I also think at 4 you shouldn't be excessively cross, you sound like great parents using time-outs or privilege removals, he'll be fine.

Goneintohibernation · 07/03/2015 12:15

I've just had a quick Google, and it seems that lying is part of normal development. Your DS said something, that to him was so ridiculous, no one could possibly think it was true. It sounds like he has discovered a new trick, and is trying it out. I would not worry about it at all.

FenellaFellorick · 07/03/2015 12:21

my eldest once told people I used to make him hold nettles.

I remember sitting in the school hall listening to the head talking. He said let's make a deal. If you don't believe everything they tell you happens at school, we won't believe everything they tell us happens at home.

Grin

Kids come out with all sorts of stuff.

Adarajames · 07/03/2015 12:23

It's what they do at that age, I've had a classroom full of them with the habit, but they do grow out of it, a case of not getting too upset / stressed but reminding them of why lying isn't good and just wait it out whilst hopefully staying as sane as possible! BrewFlowers

Jacana · 07/03/2015 12:26

"no, that's definitely not my mummy" GrinGrinGrin

rebelfor · 07/03/2015 12:38

My nephew is 5 and swore blind last week his dad kicked his little sister out of the window, but luckily my nephew caught her.

He also claims his mum hasn't fed him when he comes to mine for dinner Grin

DoJo · 07/03/2015 12:44

Ha ha - my son told me the other day that his dad had pushed him out of bed, and told my husband that I had snatched a pot from him that he was playing with. Both were dreams and I think he was genuinely confused about whether they had happened or not, but he does also tell lies/jokes sometimes that we laugh along with because he clearly thinks he is being so funny.

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 07/03/2015 12:50

Would you not worry this kind of thing could lead onto him telling school and them not knowing whether it was true though!?
My hubby just laughed and said what is he like whilst I was wondering what my friend thought and panicking that he is lacking attention and thinking what I could do to make him more secure in himself that he doesn't need attention from strangers etc. possibly over thinking this then!

OP posts:
RoadRunnersMate · 07/03/2015 13:28

You are over thinking it, he is learning what his words can do but most sensible adults take what a child says with a pinch of salt.

people dont run ss the first time a child says something like that as they can see for themselves that the child is happy and lives in a healthy environment.

I admit my dc fibbing only concerns me as far as to what she will develop into as she gets older but that is a natural concern of a parent.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 07/03/2015 13:38

When I ask my nearly 4 yo what he's been doing while we've been apart he tells the most outlandish, detailed stories with a totally straight face... Boundaries between "truth" and imagination, reality and stories in books or films, and jokes and lies, are a bit blurry for a lit if kids that age IMO.

DoJo and others have it in your son's case - he thought he was saying something untrue that would make people laugh, as he hasn't quite worked out the difference between a joke and a lie yet.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 07/03/2015 13:42

Seriously, the school expect tall tales.

A friends son has told his teacher that his dad pushed him down the stairs, and his mum hit his dad on the head with a bat while he was in the bath.

Its just what kids do.

LokiBear · 07/03/2015 13:44

My 3 year old tells everyone I smacked her in the face. I was trying to pull her sock on (she was sat on my knee) and my hand slipped and I caught her face by accident. No mark, but lots of apologies, fuss and cuddles by me because I felt so awful. She knows I feel bad so regularly brings it up! She so tells people that 'sometimes my mummy is nice to me, but sometimes she us so naughty to me and I cry'. My 'naughtiness' is when I tell her off (calmly, without shouting), take away a toy or sit her on the step. I don't shout at her, although I do speak sternly when needed. I have raised my voice out of frustration a few times. However, I don't hit her. In my opinion, I'm really good at discipline and I manage her in a gentle, caring way. She is a very well behaved kid to be fair. However, if you listened to her you would think I was the wicked witch. I feel your pain. I think they say it for a reaction.