to wonder my my child is lying at 4?

[Lottie10000]

My boy is nearly 4 1/2 and is generally a very happy, energetic child.
He can be boisterous and gets bored very easily so we make sure we channel this into things such as football / swimming club.
He attends pre school twice a week which he enjoys and is very well behaved there.
He can on occasion be aggressive towards me and his dad if he loses his temper and we always tell him it's never ok to hit, we've never hit him, he has time out or loses a toy but I can honestly say he's never so much as had a tapped hand as we don't agree with it.
Last weekend we met up with an old friend of mine who he has never met as we usually meet whilst he is at pre school and she lives a long way away and after the introductions he comes out with " I'll tell you a story my mum hits me " and then bursts into laughter. I reply by saying don't be so silly, but literally didn't know what to say in front of my friend I was mortified and shocked!
We've spoken to him about lying before last year over things more trivial if he had done something the cat did it, or he didn't just push the kid in the park, the kid fell over even though I had seen, that kind of thing but it stopped for a long time and now this.
My mum thinks it's attention seeking, that he felt left out and said something to get a reaction.
Is this common in kids of this age? He was really laughing to himself after he said it which makes me think he laughed as he knows it would never happen so it was just a silly thing to say, but also if it's that he's lacking in some area of attention etc I want to fix that!
Any advice?

This thread just reminded me of my friend telling everyone her dad was Indian in primary school. Her dad is actually Spanish and very tanned but her and her siblings are very fair skinned so her poor mum had to explain herself to everyone

Kids lie. They can be hilarious, then they play to the audience. As long as they are reminded that sometimes it's not ok it's all good. til they become teenagers and then can't lie straight in bed

My little darling once informed the checkout lady in tesco "hi I'm E I'm 3, and I live with 2mummys because daddy shouted too much!"

She lives with me and her dad and I've no idea where she came up with the idea (not helped by me spluttering trying to correct her ) we also went through a stage of the cm apparently hitting her, with the roof and a sausage among other things. It's part of growing up I wouldn't worry about it

I knew a (just turned) 3 year old who lied casually. She was a very cute, very bright and sociable toddler who was a pretty sophisticated manipulator. She's still a lovely lovely kid- she's just discovered what works. It was just stuff on the lines of "my mummy said I could though" which became a standard response to anything I'd say no to.

I had a lying phase circa 8 y.o. My dad cried, actually sobbed, after finding out a big one (had been throwing away packed lunches for over a year) and that shocked me into being a lot more honest generally even now I have a hard time being dishonest.

At a theme park once my DD was in a shocking mood and was dawdling and whinging. I put my hand on her shoulder to guide her along a bit faster and she immediately dropped to the floor like she'd been shot, screaming and shouting that mummy had punched her in the back. It felt like the whole place turned and looked, and judged and I had no idea what to say or do. Totally humiliating, I know kids say these daft things but at the time it's no consolation.

There was a thread about this not that long ago, and I remember crapping myself because my DSS was the same age as all the kids in the little stories everyone was writing out - except he comes from a miserable home and life wasn't much fun for any of us at the time.

I was really, really worried that if he pulled one of the lying stunts that others children had at school, I would be in deep deep shit. My worrying was for nout though, it just raised my blood pressure and made me feel crud for a while.

Four is the age when they typically learn to lie; most children don't have enough understanding of how other people's minds work before then. So from his perspective it's a really cool new skill he's trying out.

There's a really interesting book called Nurtureshock, which discusses this, among other issues. It's really worth reading, as it debunks a lot of things we might think are "common sense".

We all lie everyday. "Does my bum look big in this?" Do we say "Bloody enourmous" or, "You look gorgeous!". An acquaintance asks how we are. "Fine!" we say, even though we're falling apart.

Your DS is learning about that. Just as important as maths, in its own way.

DS is 4, he fell out of bed recently & cut his lip, in the morning it had swollen up & was quite sore. I told nursery how he'd done it when I dropped him off in the morning & mentioned it was a bit sore still. When I picked him up he told me that he'd told them I'd done it when I shouted at him .

I've yet to get a call from social services but it did worry me at the time. I expect they're quite used to similar tales from little ones & although they may have noted it I think they probably look at the whole picture before jumping to conclusions.

It's developmentally appropriate for children of this age to lie. It actually means your son understands how you think and manipulates the facts so you approve if him, when he's lying about hitting/ not hitting etc. It's an indication of how important your positive regard of him is.

In this case, I think what he has demonstrated is how completely he has understood your no hitting values. He also has intuited that it would be utterly shocking for a child to be hit by an adult, and he's tested his hypothesis in that conversation. He laughed to displace the tension and to signal to you that this was indeed a 'story' as he stated.

To be honest, OP, he sounds sensitive and intelligent. Laugh it off with him - you could tickle him for "telling such OUTRAGEOUS stories." Keep it light, you could also say stuff confirming the values he's testing"it's a good job x knows I'd never hit my cheeky boy, even if he does tell outrageous stories!" You could also try and have a discussion about what kind of "stories" or jokes are appropriate with different friends.

Just don't fret about it. He sounds lovely and you should be pleased with how well he understands the values you have created for him, well done you. WRT lying, I think he was not deliberately misleading but telling "a story" - he also shows he understands this difficult nuance (lying/ storytelling) which is pretty sophisticated.

Ourself,
I read your message when you first wrote it and didn't feel ready to reply as to be honest it made me a little emotional!
I try incredibly hard to be the best mother I can and this has really worried me and made me wonder if actually I've missed something major causing him to be attention seeking.
Whilst we were painting just now he started to discuss a friend of his who is very boisterous and hits out quite a lot and asked me why he hits his mum sometimes.
I asked him why sometimes he hits out when he is angry and he said he didn't know that he shouldn't but he gets very angry, I said that probably applies to his friend too then ( also 4 )
He then asked why when he's very naughty or doesn't listen I don't hit him and I replied as I always do that I would never want to hurt him and hitting people is not the way to go about things and talking is far better.
He seemed to be a little perplexed by this and not entirely sure why it is " okay " for children to hit parents but not the other way around which I explained as adults we are more in control of our emotions that's all and he seemed happy with this explanation.
Now thinking back last week when we were in town we saw a little boy getting a smacked bum for something or other and I wonder if it's played on his mind a little, as you say in his world it just wouldn't happen and I guess he's just playing with truth and lies as it's very far from his little safe world.
I think you're right, I should be proud he is questioning things rather than worrying so much as to why.
Thankyou for your wise words :)

You're more than welcome. He's really working it out, isn't he? Sounds like you've got this very tricky issue just right for him and I'm glad to be able to congratulate you. I think you must be doing more than just this right if he's able to raise and articulate this with you. Now, will you come and explain it to MY four year old...?