to hate dp right now

[GingerCuddleMonster]

my blood is boiling

DP works away Mon-fri, we have a nearly 7mo DS 2 night shifts a week is all I ask of him Fri and Sat that's all.....well tonight he got all mardy when baby woke for the first time at 4:30 am which is exceptionally good for DS this week then DS has a bit of a coughing fit and vomits his entire feed up then begins the crying on off for 2ish hours as he is unsettled (ds is fine he does this occasionally) next minute DP gets all moody and mardy, hands me the baby and says "in too tired for this" .

I seeth quietly to myself , take DS from him and retire to the living room, DS is now asleep in my arms .

he is too tired?!?! is he fucking kidding me?!?! I work A 40hour week and he's done fuck all this week except physio and some administrative work. Probably 12hours max work, also has had 8 hours undisturbed sleep every night since Sunday night!! .

I just want to scream and shout at him, but I won't I'll just sit here and sulk .

It's easier to send him to the gym and let him vent there
A dynamic has developed in your relationship which serves his needs above all else.
Sleep deprivation is so vile. It shreds you.
And managing alone all week is really tough.
YANBU
But I dont know how to advise you other than to practice a bit of assertion at times and to mobilise your alternative support network.

It sounds like you are working so much harder than him overall.

Baby and I slept till 9:45ish, he's now changed, fed and content. I woke to a grovelling text messages of apologies and promising changes, so we will see how that goes.

I feel better after the nap, have hoovered the living room and am sat down with a cup of coffee, DP is yet to return home but I'm not fussed.

Glad you are feeling better after a sleep
You will need lots of energy and resolve to continue working, looking after your baby and pandering to your selfish dp.

You need a full nights sleep.

I would ask him for tonight to sleep in a different room with Ds so you are not disturbed and have a FULL night.

You can't have a discussion when your beyond exhausted, talk about it Sunday after a sleep.

Terry it's what I'll request when he returns, and there will be no negotiation or movement on it.

I'm ex forces and can I just point out that when shit needed to get done, it just got done. No moaning and bitching and whining - he sounds like a total knob and frankly should just be better. At everything.
If he's stood down for paperwork and physio I can guarantee he's doing literally fuck all and needs to get his pansy little backside in gear.

Can't take a baby for a couple of hours because he's tired? That wouldn't wash out on detachment when it's his turn on guard with his mates so why is he giving it to you? Tell him to man up.

Well said asmallandnoisymonkey

asmall I know he's done fuck all, all week it's why I'm so infuriated with him, I've always taken over if he's had a hard week, or just come back from Oman/Belize or a week of excersise on the Brecon beacons in a hole in the snow, but the fact he has pulled this card after a week of nothing, it pushed me over the edge.

I've just phoned him to see where he is to discover he didn't go to the gym he's decided to go for a run, a 20mile run up hills. Que muddy shoes and gear in my fresh clean hallway.

Sleep deprivation is a bitch and can affect your physical health dramatically. Im glad hes starting to understand . I hope you have a good rest and sleep over the rest if the weekend.

It's fair enough if he's been on exercises or on detachment - the physical as well as mental toll is something else, and like you say, you take te slack when that's the case. However if he's at home doin sod all all week then he really should be pulling his weight. I don't understand how he can justify his tiredness - I guarantee there will have been times he hasn't slept for upwards of 36 hours - that's tired. Not looking after his own son for a couple of hours after almost a full nights sleep.
He's trying to pull a fast one and in the process is making himself look like a shitty man, soldier and father. I hope you pull him up by his bootstraps ??

A few typos in there - sorry! My phone is a bugger

he's not even at home he is at camp doing nothing with day time naps and non disturbed sleep all week!!

I'd actually shell him if I could today!! this is the man who has been in non stop contact for upwards of 16hours which has earned him an award on his Afghan clasp, a grenade go off next to him, and he can't handle a baby for 2hours are you shitting me?!

I'm gonna do nothing baby care wise at the family event were going too, he's been told he is to do it all.

I think that's the point, he CAN do it, he just doesn't want to - which I think is worse because he is able but lazy. Which doesn't look good for a soldier - he has a duty to his family just as much as his job.

Please let us know that you get some sleep tonight x

I'm married to someone in the forces and there's no bloody way I'd put up with this shit.

If money isn't really an issue, could you not book yourself into a hotel for a good night's sleep? You sound absolutely exhausted.

And again if money isn't a problem, you need to spend some of it on getting a cleaner in every week.

You shouldn't have to deal with everything on your own.

He definitely is not pulling his weight. You sound so tired and fed up! When he comes back I hope he apologises!

so we spoke at length, no shouting he's accepted it was poor behaviour on his part and apologised, were at family event now DP bathed changed and dressed DS and is currently surrounded by toddlers and babies as well as DS in a ball pit ....karma

I'm having vino and planning to sleep like a log cheers all for the much needed support in the early hours .

Enjoy the rest of your weekend

Glad you're relaxing! Hope you enjoy some sleep : )