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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate dp right now

72 replies

GingerCuddleMonster · 07/03/2015 06:39

my blood is boiling Angry

DP works away Mon-fri, we have a nearly 7mo DS 2 night shifts a week is all I ask of him Fri and Sat that's all.....well tonight he got all mardy when baby woke for the first time at 4:30 am which is exceptionally good for DS this week then DS has a bit of a coughing fit and vomits his entire feed up then begins the crying on off for 2ish hours as he is unsettledSad (ds is fine he does this occasionally) next minute DP gets all moody and mardy, hands me the baby and says "in too tired for this" Angry.

I seeth quietly to myself , take DS from him and retire to the living room, DS is now asleep in my arms .

he is too tired?!?! is he fucking kidding me?!?! I work A 40hour week and he's done fuck all this week except physio and some administrative work. Probably 12hours max work, also has had 8 hours undisturbed sleep every night since Sunday night!! Angry.

I just want to scream and shout at him, but I won't I'll just sit here and sulk Envy.

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerCuddleMonster · 07/03/2015 07:32

I could put family off and normally would but it's a half siblings first birthday (another thread of its own, and I'm not in my tweens!) so can't really.

He will just refuse/forget to do/discolour everything when it comes to washing so there is no point tasking him with that.

I could try the shopping but he always overspends, not that were short of money but I like to budget. however the extra 30quid I'd happily swap for a hour nap if I can, but I'd need DS to sleep at the same time as me, and that's never going to happen Sad. DP won't take baby shopping with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerCuddleMonster · 07/03/2015 07:34

LORD GIVE ME STRENGHT...

It has just emerged and reported its off to the gym for 2hours. Envy

OP posts:
Mixtape · 07/03/2015 07:35

No. Just no.

Mixtape · 07/03/2015 07:37

When DS2 was about 8 months I lost the plot one night and woke DH up to whisper scream at him that I was psychotic from sleep deprivation. I wasn't even back at work then but I honestly felt like I was losing it.

TheLastThneed · 07/03/2015 07:42

YADNBU

TheSingingMonkey · 07/03/2015 07:44

Come on OP, stop putting up with it and put your foot down.

sandgrown · 07/03/2015 07:44

He is being very selfish. Tell him to get the shopping on the way home and let him pay. If he is in the forces he should be fab at washing and ironing so he is making excuses. Leave everything except the family stuff and try and nap. Any GPS who could take baby out for a few hours?

scratchandsniff · 07/03/2015 07:44

I'd be fuming too. You need to sit him down and explain how you're feeling otherwise you're going to get more and more resentful. He needs to realise that he's a parent too and needs to do his fair share. Next week announce you're off out for the day on Saturday and go visit friends. Leave him with the baby. He might be a bit more appreciative of you by the time you get back.

pilates · 07/03/2015 07:49

Ginger, I'm fuming for you.

Unbelievable!

Seriously, you need to speak to him.

Kittymum03 · 07/03/2015 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mayfridaycomequickly · 07/03/2015 07:54

Not a chance he'd be going to the gym if it were my dp. I'd hand the baby over and tell him to take him / her out (only way I could nap properly when ds was a baby was if he was totally out of earshot)

Full sympathy because being tired is awful but... wrt to the visit and washing yabu. Family will understand 'I've had an awful night and I'm not feeling great' and if he ruins the washing he can pay to replace it - you claiming that job is yours because you think he'll ruin clothes is daft.

WowserBowser · 07/03/2015 07:55

This would reaaaaaallllllyyy upset me.

He has plenty of time to catch up on sleep. You must be exhausted.

YANBU. HIBA Twat.

Penguinotterfoxbadger · 07/03/2015 08:00

YANBU. That is not on.

Flowers
IMurderedStampyLongnose · 07/03/2015 08:02

Wow he is a bastard.I would kill him.You should kill him.

popalot · 07/03/2015 08:02

YANBU, he should have done his bit - especially since you have had so little sleep during the week.

Original poster
GingerCuddleMonster · 07/03/2015 08:03

well it came to a screaming match in the kitchen. I went out to make a cup of coffee and he said "why do you look so miserable" .....Angry Angry Why?! why?! I'll tell you fucking why....

he's gone to the gym to cool off. He's issued his apologies and said he will do the "full" night shift tonight and the washing. I'll fob family off if I can but I think the guilt of not going will get the best of me by t DP can have him for the whole party and I'll sit and talk to the other guests and relax. I will just do a quick shop to cover my for 2/3days till I feel like doing more.

He just has no idea, whoever said he lives in his bubble away, I think your right he genuinely has no idea what its like or how tired I am.

I feel calmer after shouting at him, I've never once raised my voice at him so he must know I'm at the end of my feather I had tears streaming down my face whilst I yelled like a demented seargent major. Blush

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 07/03/2015 08:06

He wont take the baby shopping?!

Leave baby with him and go shopping, pull up somewhere for a two hour nap in your car before you hit the shops.

He sounds like a cock.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 07/03/2015 08:07

So he stilp went to the gym? Not "Im sorry dear I didnt realise, here is a brew, get yourself back to bed, ill wake you just before we go to your folks"

Inertia · 07/03/2015 08:09

Is baby breast fed, or can you stay away overnight tonight ? You need to sleep, and your husband is being astonishingly selfish.

Jackieharris · 07/03/2015 08:12

Ow I just couldn't survive on that level of sleep deprivation. How have you not collapsed.

If I were you I'd not get out of bed all weekend, catch up on sleep and leave him with the baby til he leaves again.

Tell him to get shopping, do cooking, clearing up and laundry etc.

If he doesn't buck up his ideas tell him the truth that you'd be better off as a single parent!

Kittymum03 · 07/03/2015 08:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GingerCuddleMonster · 07/03/2015 08:13

It's easier to send him to the gym and let him vent there. He will not and never has shouted at me he just dissapears to sulk in the gym. Even when I was screaming at him he just stood there and let me reel off.

I'd rather he didn't go, but DS is now asleep in the travel cot in the living room, so I'll just snooze on the sofa for a bit.

OP posts:
Kittymum03 · 07/03/2015 08:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jigsawlady · 07/03/2015 08:32

I think its really important to be able to hand your baby over to your partner when you have reached the end of your tether. whether that is after 30 mins or 2 hours.

what I would do is make sure he does his fair share most of the time, I.e. when he is back on weekends he gets up in the morning & you lie in, you always get a break and some alone time on the wèekend.

I imagine if you spend far more time with the baby you will be used to and have a better way of dealing with the stress of a crying baby, which for some people is more difficult than others (although I know its always difficult)

I can only look after my baby when crying for about 30 minutes whereas my partner can do about 2 hours before he asks me to take over.

its about team work, parents doing what they can until they are at breaking point then leaning on the other parent for help, also about doing whats best for the baby.

confusedandemployed · 07/03/2015 08:42

I stand by my previous post and would like to add my voice to the many on here who think he is a selfish, thoughtless tool. I'm afraid there's a lot more going on here than just one selfish act. You're being walked all over OP, and it makes my blood boil so lord alone knows what it's doing to you Flowers

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