Always the host, never the hosted...

[Loopylala7]

I wouldn't say I'm a keen host, more of a take my turn to get it out of the way host. I have a friend who just never seems to offer. Any mention of a play date (could be her mentioning it) and she jumps straight in with an 'I don't mind coming to you' even though I haven't offered. I find this behaviour a little odd, as I would sooner volunteer my own house before volunteering someone else's. To add to this she's started suggesting other people I should invite round to mine to for the play dates. This has been going on for about a year now, probably once or twice a month. I have been to her house, it's lovely, and her OH seems nice, but that was nearly a year ago.

I'm getting a bit fed up of it. I don't think I'm fussy, I have young children, so theres always a bit of mess, but the house is always a real state at the end, so I end up with the tidying. Is her behaviour a bit strange? are there many people out there who shirk hosting duties? I'm starting to think I'll just make up excuses not to see them soon. AIBU or is she?

When she comes for the playdate does she stay there with her kids or take off?

I've let friendships fizzle out over this. When you have enough and stop making the one way effort, it doesn't take long for the friendship to fade away. A pair of friends were very self sufficient in their attitude, yet benefited from the food and drink we provided for parties and BBQs for years. At one point we had phone memory issues, they'd never given us their new address, and we decided that we couldn't really be bothered to chase around mutual friends to get in touch for our christening invitation where they'd get a free meal out of us yet again.

They were the type to not commit to a social event until the last minute when they realised that their diary was clear of other offers.

I disagree that its always easier to travel, it depends how far it is. So I would offer to go to a friends house 45 minutes away. That's because we both need to do the school run but I have the back up if dh who works from home if I get stuck.... she doesnt. Equally it's much easier for me to tidy up and cook a roast for my in laws than spend a total of 3 hours in the car with 2 children.

I hate hosting but more down to the fact I just feel on edge the whole time.I'm not a natural host. Crap at offering people tea top ups during a visit (because I only drink 1-2 cups a day) But I will probably offer every 1/3 times rather than every other.

Als some peoples houses are just better for "hosting" Whether it be their room lay-out, gardens or just the amount of seating they have or age appropriate toys for a wider range of DC's.

I think when we move and we have more room in the living areas of the house I will make a conscious effort to host more as the tidying washing up and snack costs are a PITA for one person to get burdened with.

Im sorry but this is of your own making. It's up to you not her if she comes to yours. No one if forcing you to allow it.

it really is as simple as saying you want to go to her house next time. Don't make excuses and don't apologise. Hopefully, she will go along with it otherwise you will feel like you had been used.

Be strong! Good luck.

Loopylala, could it be that she's not very happy in her own home and she much prefers to go somewhere she is happy in?

My NCT group were the same. Out of 7 of us I have only been to one other's house and our children are now 17 months. They were all more than happy though to come over to mine several times for coffee / cake / bbq's etc and be fed and watered. Just before Christmas I decided I'd had enough and vowed to not let any of them over my threshold until I had stepped over their thresholds Funnily enough I've not really seen them in the past few months and life feels better for it!