to think I shouldn't have to inflict nursery on my child in order to be assessed for ASD?

[AlmondAmy]

DD is nearly 3. She has a huge number of possible signs of ASD - she has an extremely limited diet and has never eaten hot food, she cannot talk, she scratches and pinches herself til she bleeds, she hates noise, won't touch anything messy (including food), retches at strong smells, can't feed herself, can't potty train because of her aversion to smell and mess, hates affection or even being touched, freaks out if anyone walks toward her, have extremely rigid routines that she cannot cope with changing etc. I went to see the GP in January and self referred to SALT. Both said I should send her to nursery to help with speech.

The referral by the GP to the paediatrician was rejected on the basis that they also require a referral from nursery. DD would absolutely detest nursery and would not cope inthe slightest. She would scream the place down and they'd presume she's clingy and needs to settle in and who knows how long she'd have to endure it before they realised it was something more.

Aibu to think that a nursery referral shouldn't be necessary and that it is cruel to insist on one?

Your dd could be referred on the basis of her development being significantly different from what is usual eg not talking, self harming. Ds was not diagnosed till almost 4 but was seen by a paed from 18 months

This is ridiculous, early intervention can make a huge difference to longterm outcomes. The your health authority are restricting you access to such support is atrocious. My son and daughter had diagnoses by 2 and a half and neither of them had set foot inside an educational setting and in fact didn't until they were aged 4.
They both had SALT given at home alongside portage and SSSEN teacher visits direct from the LA.
Please contact PALS but also press the GP for a referral to a specialist diagnostic service directly.
From what you write nursery is definitely not the right place for your daughter just now.

because of his atypical development. Is she meeting her other milestones?

Ask for that in writing then take up with local councillor. They can ask the pct to explain why your child is not getting referred. Your child needs ot with emphasis on sensory integration work . Also ados assessment for asd. Keep pushing but get everything in writing so u
can forward replies to local councillor or mp.

You can also call ed psych service at Lea and self refer for home visit

It all depends on area. The diagnostic process/pathway varies not only according to area but age as well.

In our area for under 4, Portage would be your first point of contact.

Considering early intervention is key, its a national disgrace.

I will echo that early intervention is very important. Speech therapist explained that a developmental window closes when the child turns 3. The results are much better when they can start working with your child during this window. It's also explains why they have thrown every resource at DS. It's not right that you don't get the help you need.

OP sorry this is happening. Sadly you will find you have to fight for everything in the SN world. I recommend the Hanen book More Than Words, costs about £30 but worth every penny. The SN boards on here are brilliant. You are not alone xx