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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I shouldn't have to inflict nursery on my child in order to be assessed for ASD?

108 replies

AlmondAmy · 06/03/2015 21:18

DD is nearly 3. She has a huge number of possible signs of ASD - she has an extremely limited diet and has never eaten hot food, she cannot talk, she scratches and pinches herself til she bleeds, she hates noise, won't touch anything messy (including food), retches at strong smells, can't feed herself, can't potty train because of her aversion to smell and mess, hates affection or even being touched, freaks out if anyone walks toward her, have extremely rigid routines that she cannot cope with changing etc. I went to see the GP in January and self referred to SALT. Both said I should send her to nursery to help with speech.

The referral by the GP to the paediatrician was rejected on the basis that they also require a referral from nursery. DD would absolutely detest nursery and would not cope inthe slightest. She would scream the place down and they'd presume she's clingy and needs to settle in and who knows how long she'd have to endure it before they realised it was something more.

Aibu to think that a nursery referral shouldn't be necessary and that it is cruel to insist on one?

OP posts:
gallicgirl · 06/03/2015 21:21

YANBU

I can't help with any other suggestions but you shouldn't have to parent your child in a certain manner in order to get the help she obviously needs.

Perhaps someone will know which agency does assessments so you can approach them directly? Maybe social services?

Can I suggest you post in the SEN section as there will be more knowledgeable people there?

Bluepants · 06/03/2015 21:27

Yanbu
But if you did go for a nursery, you could specifically ask when choosing the nursery what experience of kids with asd do they have.
You might find (as I did with my ds) that nursery will have trial days etc and they won't take her - the nursery near me refused my ds after a morning's trial. Eventually I got him into a nursery that was willing and able to help him - staff that can nurture a dc with additional needs make the absolute world of difference. This was a school nursery btw, a school that as good SEN provision.

NickiFury · 06/03/2015 21:30

My dd was NOT referred by school, they saw no problems with her. I took her to the GP myself and expressed my concerns and she was referred and later diagnosed with ASD. It may be that they would need to observe her in a social setting to tick all the boxes but it not a hard and fast requisite. I would go back and insist she he referred and ask to see the rules in writing that state why this cannot be done.

DayLillie · 06/03/2015 21:36

DN went to a specifically special needs nursery and they were a great help with the potty training etc. as well as getting assessment.

Could you ask these people who want her to go to a nursery for a recommendation?

iwishicouldsing · 06/03/2015 21:37

Yanbu. It sounds as though nursery would be terrifying for her. I hope you get some help for her soon. Could you try a different gp? Or contact an ASD charity for advice?

ouryve · 06/03/2015 21:38

YANBU. I just had a referral by my HV for both boys. DS2 was only 21 months, so not even at nursery yet. He had a diagnosis and statement in place long before he was 3.

You should be entitled to Portage for your DD. They can write a report as part of the assessment, just as they did for DS2.

x2boys · 06/03/2015 21:39

my son has asd and learning difficulties he was referred to the paediatrician before he started nursery so I,m not sure where that comes from he was referred by the health visitor it is always better to get early intervention if your daughter does have asd nursery isn't compulsory so I would go back and insist she is referrerd.

ouryve · 06/03/2015 21:41

Incidentally, DS2 did start nursery at 2, as part of the pilot of that scheme, but that meant that we got to choose his hours and he had 1:1 from the start.

ouryve · 06/03/2015 21:43

www.portage.org.uk/

DragonsDoHiccup · 06/03/2015 21:46

I saw the HV and Gp in the summer and both insisted on me enrolling ddq at preschool. Well she's been there a while and I've still not had the promised assessment - but now I have to go to a parenting class for a term first! Talk about moving goalposts....

YANBU

ouryve · 06/03/2015 21:48

Oh, and unless you live in silence at home, sending her to nursery "to help with speech" is bollocks. It didn't magically teach DS2 to talk.

I'm wondering if the paed is assuming your DD is at school because of her age, actually. It might be worth writing to clarify why she isn't.

ouryve · 06/03/2015 21:49

Ah yes, the parenting class. There's a mumsnetter who has been sent to so many parenting classes, over the years, that she's changed her username so they're represented as letters after her name :o

MrsTawdry · 06/03/2015 21:55

YANBU at all but don't dismiss nursery as useless. If you find the right one you will be possibly in a good position when it comes to getting things in place for DD when she is ready for school in just a year's time!

That alone...sorting out support in school...would make me send her.

cestlavielife · 06/03/2015 21:55

She won't magically pick up speech unless the nursery is very geared up to children with asd or possible asd.

Is she growing ok ?

MrsTawdry · 06/03/2015 21:56

Ouryve the DD is nearly 3...why would she be at school?

ASAS · 06/03/2015 21:56

YANBU and my heart is breaking for you.

There is a little boy in DS's nursery class who is there are part of this process. We all, staff and parents, are in turmoil for him and his family. Frankly nursery is a living hell for him and I have actually suggested to the Head it could be against his human rights.

Is there any way you'd be able to prevent this?

SteppeAwayFromTheKeyboard · 06/03/2015 21:57

Op, I am 90% certain that you can get her assessed without a nursery placement. Go over to the SEN boards, they can tell you all the ins and outs

MrsTawdry · 06/03/2015 21:58

ASAS I think that's a very pointless and inflammatory post you've just written. It will do nothing but frighten the OP. NOt all dc with ASD are in turmoil at nursery!

Tizwailor · 06/03/2015 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ouryve · 06/03/2015 21:59

Meant to type nursery, MrsTawdry, though I would have thought that might be clear from the rest of my post and the context of the conversation in general.

DilysDerwent · 06/03/2015 22:00

I teach children with autism and they often start in our Early Years department at 2 or 3 without having been to nursery or play group, so they must be being diagnosed and statemented through GP or HV referral.

If you decide that fighting against this requirement will slow the process down too much, might a play group where you stay with her be any easier for her? I've known of children diagnosed through referrals from Sure Start staff for instance.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 06/03/2015 22:02

Well you have the right to home ed your child in the UK, so logically that means children must be referred for various services without a school or nursery referral.

Can you self refer? Is there a branch of NAS locally or some other parent partnership? I think you need some LA- specific advice from people who have been through the system.

That all said, I don't think you should discount nursery in the long term - but the right diagnosis will hopefully help you find the right nursery for your dd. I absolutely agree you shouldn't be popping her into the nearest nursery purely to fail/get a referral.

ASAS · 06/03/2015 22:08

Amy I was not at all meaning to frighten you and I apologise profusely if I have. I feel you know your child best and I support your opposition to this.

LucidCamel · 06/03/2015 22:16

I would go back and insist she be referred

Could you try a different gp?

What do you expect the gp to do, exactly, given...

The referral by the GP to the paediatrician was rejected on the basis that they also require a referral from nursery.

FWIW DW is a GP and is cross about this thread, and can't see why a nursery referral would also be needed.

DragonsDoHiccup · 06/03/2015 22:21

I was explicitly told that dd1 needed to be seen in a preschool setting before referral by both HV and GP. maybe it's a regional thing?

...although now the HV tells me I now need to attend a parenting class, maybe it's a stalling/funding thing - make it too hard so I go away, or she grows out of it?