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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask if you would provide a fictitious job reference for a friend?

72 replies

erinscupcake · 04/03/2015 21:23

A friend has asked me to say I worked with her. I have never worked in this company before. I feel like a dweeb saying no (I often worry too much) but this makes me feel very uncomfortable.

Would you do this? Is it illegal?

OP posts:

liketohelp · 04/03/2015 21:40

No, I wouldn`t.

The work gap is her issue, not yours. I would advise her to get a voluntary job with a charity where she won`t need a reference, work there for a while and get a reference , or two if necessary, from them.

Some health/homeless charities don`t ask for a reference, for example.

RubySparks · 04/03/2015 21:42

She will need a reference to volunteer too but it can be a personal reference.

toffeeboffin · 04/03/2015 21:44

I would do it.

A colleague that I thought was really trustworthy totally screwed me over, so I can understand if she doesn't want to take that risk.

I think a lot of people are blowing the whole reference thing out of proportions - is she trying to work for the CIA or something?!

GokTwo · 04/03/2015 21:45

No I wouldn't. I agree with you, it's horrible when people ask you to do things like that.

NotTheKitchenAgainPlease · 04/03/2015 21:46

I think it's really risky Erin. If the person who calls you is experienced they could well spot the fake reference and referee immediately. If you do pull it off and she is later found out you could both be in trouble.
Can you get her in to actually do some admin for you? Filing / tax returns or something? Then you could give a personal reference that doesn't involve you being dishonest.

It is hard getting back into work after long absences but can she not do some courses to brush up on her skills? Does she know anyone with a business where she could do some voluntary work or is this a job she has already applied for?

AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves · 04/03/2015 21:49

I don't think you've read the thread, toffeeboffin. The OP's friend doesn't have any colleagues. That's not why she's asking the OP to tell a lie on her behalf. It's not just bending the truth or making the most out of a very small amount of experience - it's a blatant lie.

Not only would I not provide a reference for someone in these circumstances, I would be looking at distancing myself from her too.

Seekingtheanswers · 04/03/2015 21:49

No way! It's dishonest. Just tell her you don't feel comfortable lying about stuff.

DecaffTastesWeird · 04/03/2015 21:53

No, I wouldn't do this. Surely they will check your job title and dates of employment with the company you never worked for? Even if they don't she could get fired if she gets the job and they find out she lied.

fuddleduck · 04/03/2015 22:14

I think it's really unfair of her to put you in this position to be honest.

Framboisier · 04/03/2015 22:23

If she's saying it's a professional reference, they will expect it to come on company headed paper, signed with confirmation of your job title - you can't just rip a page out of your foolscap pad and dash off a reference letter!

How would you do that...?

We check every reference we get, and she will find herself dismissed for gross misconduct if this comes to light - which will be a lot harder to explain in future than time out of the workplace.

Silly and counterproductive idea

bobinks · 04/03/2015 22:25

don't fabricate a professional reference - I think you know its wrong otherwise you would just do it! Offer to give a personal one instead.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 04/03/2015 23:00

If you do the reference, what will happen when they ask for her P45 from her old job to take to her new one?

Paintedpinksapphires · 04/03/2015 23:04

I would not do this is any circumstances.

What's the problem with the gap. I have a 6 year gap in my CV with a brief statement indicating that I took a career break. No one has ever asked me about it and it has never impacted me getting a job offer.

toffeeboffin · 04/03/2015 23:08

Sorry, you're right allmimsy, didn't read the whole thread.

Don't do it!

bluelamp · 04/03/2015 23:10

No, it's fraudulent. She is being very selfish asking you to lie for her like this.

Singingbird · 04/03/2015 23:15

Absolutely not, do not do it. I always check references, why ask for them if you're not going to check? A personal one is ok, but if the industry your friend is in is close knit, like mine, word quickly gets around. I regularly get asked by potential employees when someone has put me down as a ref, and I'm always amazed when people have bent the truth a little, never mind outright lying.

Unexpected · 04/03/2015 23:15

What number are they going to call you on? Will they be a little surprised when they call you and hear a baby in the background and you don't answer by saying "Good morning, Company X"? And how are you going to obtain the company's headed paper in order to send the written reference? Sending them a plain sheet of paper would be a bit unusual, don't you think?

The prospective employer may also have a standard reference request form which they will email or post to - shock - the actual company address. Doubtful they will believe that her previous employer is to be found at 28 Acacia Crescent!

Unexpected · 04/03/2015 23:16

Why can she not ask the company where she actually worked to provide the reference? Is there some problem there?

BackforGood · 04/03/2015 23:18

Of course not.
Tbh, if she thought that was an acceptable thing to ask, I'd then really struggle to give a character reference either.

Wintehill · 04/03/2015 23:18

I was asked to once by an old friend and I said no.

Many years ago a friend offered to do me a reference for her husbands company. I declined to accept the offer.

Singingbird · 04/03/2015 23:23

yy to headed paper for a written reference, it's the norm, as is calling on the office line to check too.
I can't reiterate enough, this could cause serious trouble for the pair of you.

Scrumbled · 04/03/2015 23:31

I have worked in recruitment and a pure written reference was never accepted, we got many. We would check up and want other contact.
A career break for children was common and a personal reference from someone wHo had know them for x years was fine.

CallMeExhausted · 04/03/2015 23:37

My DH was having a terrible time with one of the employees he "inherited" when he moved into his current position. The individual he replaced had let the employee away with gross misconduct, and although DH was making it very clear that the behaviour would not be tolerated, things were difficult.

To expedite solving the "problem", DH pulled out this individual's employee file and proceeded to perform a background check (which his predecessor had not done).

Information on cv and references were false. Individual was terminated immediately with cause, and the licensing body they are both licensed with was notified.

Falsifying references or cv is not a time-limited offense - and cause for immediate dismissal.

Original poster

erinscupcake · 05/03/2015 09:47

Thanks guys. I thought as much but was wondering if I was being a dweeb.

OP posts:

ILovePud · 05/03/2015 11:48

I think your friend is putting you in a really unfair position with this request and I wouldn't do it (if you're a worrier you'll just worry all the more afterwards). Having a big gap because she's been a SAHM might be an issue but she needs to think about what skills she's developed in that time which could be applicable to work situations not fake a CV.

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