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AIBU?

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Original poster

To declutter my DD's bedroom of toys etc without consulting her?

42 replies

smallfurryfriends · 04/03/2015 21:21

I'm going through a major, long needed declutter of my home at the moment. I have gone through pretty much all the rooms and have got rid of an unbelievable amount of stuff that I just do not need!

I really really want to do the same with DD's bedroom. She is only 3. I've gone through her clothes and books no problem. She still has lots of 'baby' type toys which she has grown out of and various bits and pieces (small toys that were part of a set of something or other). I want to just go in there when she is at nursery with a couple of big bags - one for chucking in the bin and another for the charity shop/gumtree/ebay/friends kids etc. But I am worried that this would be really cruel and she will be really upset if I do this. The thing is, I also know that if I ask her to help me, she won't want to get rid of anything. I have already sort of hinted at various things being given away etc and she says that she still wants it even though I never see her play with them anymore. This is also someone who will be adamant that a twig she found outside is extremely important and get upset if I want to throw it out...

Her room is really full at the moment and I need to combat this before it gets worse! WIBU to just go for it or will this cause life long trauma?

OP posts:
Scrounger · 04/03/2015 21:23

I put them in bags and then put them out of sight for a few weeks / months. If they haven't noticed them missing they can then go out. No then deny all knowledge.

Scrounger · 04/03/2015 21:24

I not no*

MrsFionaCharming · 04/03/2015 21:25

Could you do it gradually? Put a box in the bottom of your wardrobe, and add a few items from her room each week. As it'll only be a few things, it won't be obvious, and you'll have them ready for if she wants them back.

When she doesn't notice, or miss them, you take the box to the charity shop?

Fullpleatherjacket · 04/03/2015 21:25

Doubt she'll even notice but if you're worried I agree with above.

If it's not asked for within a few weeks, dispose of with a clear conscience.

Seekingtheanswers · 04/03/2015 21:27

I wouldn't, personally, though I understand the temptation. It just seems wrong somehow.

I worked really hard to persuade dd to join me in decluttering her stuff, probably from around that age. She agreed to very little initially, but I allowed her to be in charge. Now, at 9, she is way better at getting rid of stuff than I'll ever be!

2rebecca · 04/03/2015 21:29

I did this with my kids until they were about 10. I'd put stuff in bags in the loft. Things could be "found" if they asked for them. Sometimes I just rotated stuff and took a bag up and brought another down.

Topseyt · 04/03/2015 21:33

I would do it, and have done in the past. I proceeded much as described above.

My experience is always to be surreptitious about it because kids that age will all too often find a reason not to part with things. Mine did, certainly. So it never got done if I didn't do it while they were at pre-school, school etc.

I think if I hadn't we would still have all the baby toys now, and my youngest is 12.

Scandinavian1 · 04/03/2015 21:57

I used to do this when my children were little. But this is my cautionary tale - I took several bin bags of cuddly toys to a charity shop. A few days later we all walked past the shop and to my horror, and the children's incredulity there was a window display of their toys, right at child eye level....

themummyonthebus · 04/03/2015 21:57

I've done a bit of both methods. The worst stuff (twigs and stones and leaves and broken toys and whatnot) I just chuck. Stuff that's been grown out of I try to encourage a joint effort on, in the hope that they will learn good habits for the future. I fear that doing it all for them with no explanation won't teach them that if you don't need something any more (or it doesn't bring you joy if you're a Konvert like me!) you can donate it or sell it and that process is not scarey and can actually bring pleasure in itself. DC is 4 so it's work in progress but I would try to start getting them on board at some point.

mrsfuzzy · 04/03/2015 22:01

i used to 'store' for a couple of weeks then remove, but be careful as she gets older, as she might decide to declutter mum's stuff too, been there, was very awkward and a bit embarrassing, let's just say 'bedroom stuff' !!

Seekingtheanswers · 04/03/2015 22:09

I'm surprised everyone thinks it's ok tbh - especially up to the age of 10! Shock

It seems quite disrespectful to me, as I'd hate someone to go through my stuff and decide what I didn't need. Surely it's better to teach children that you have to let go of stuff sometimes?

FWIW, my dd now loves to see her old things in the charity shop window! :)

crazylady12 · 04/03/2015 22:13

My daughter 5 I do often it's actually better to not tel her otherwise she will wAnt to keep tgat 50p charity shop teddy beaR that's never been touched. She has yet to ask were something Is I have got rid of.

cookiefiend · 04/03/2015 22:18

Just be careful not to throw out anything precious. Not sure how old I was when my mum redecorated whilst I was with my dad and "lost" my rainbow bright doll. I still feel the rage...

Latara · 04/03/2015 22:25

I saw a programme about hoarders, and one person had become a hoarder because their things had been taken away without their permission as a child...!

kbbeanie · 04/03/2015 22:33

My ds is almost 3 and i just did this during the week. i went into the playroom got rid of old torn books. toys with pieces missing. baby toys and some toys he doesnt play with (along with a few toys that he did like to play on the odd occasion with but that absolutely annoyed the life out of me)

Do i feel like a bad parent and that its going to have a lifelong effect on him ? NO. He hasn't noticed yet probably never will because he's got so much toys in there and now he's able to find toys which he hasnt played with in a long time or that were new at christmas and buried in amongst all the clutter in the boxes and hes happy playing with these toys now.

So if i was you i would do it ! Just dont get rid of any favourite toys :)

MarthaMonkeynuts · 04/03/2015 22:36

I sell it for them and let them spend the money - invariably on more toys Hmm Hang on . . .

PippaPug · 04/03/2015 22:40

Can you explain that she has so many toys so it would be nice to give some of her toys to childen who have none - aka a charity shop?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 04/03/2015 22:44

DD is 5yo and is now involved in passing things on, especially toys. Less so with clothes as she outgrows them so they just go in the attic for selling at a later date.

She's aware of her toys so I let her chose to pass things on, she likes buying things from charity shops and knows she gets some clothes handed down. Therefore she likes the thought of passing things onto other children.

The only exception is Christmas tat, where I simply put it straight into a bin bag and hide it for several months, then charity shop it. MIL buys loads of rubbish for the stocking and the key is to get it out of DD's eye line at the first opportunity so she forgets about it.

cartoonsaveme · 04/03/2015 22:52

At 3 I did (DC1) and do (dc2) what scrounger does. Hide for a month. If not asked for or missed then pass on. Never failed me. By 4 we had sessions where we chose toys to give to children who didn't have any as DC had outgrown them. The toy fairy collected them. Worked great. We cleared out in Nov ready for Santa - or no room for new ones etc
At 5 we discussed each toy cull and made big girl / boy choices ...

MuddlingMackem · 04/03/2015 22:53

We used to declutter DC1's room by passing toys down to DC2, and for DC2, up until the age of 4 we would put thing away out of sight for a couple of months and see if she noticed they were missing. If she didn't we'd charity shop, but as soon as the DC were old enough to be aware we've let them decide what to get rid of.

2rebecca · 05/03/2015 09:32

They maybe weren't as old as 10 but were older than 5. I didn't chuck stuff out immediately but would remove stuff I felt they'd grown out of and never played with any more and put it away. Sometimes if there was too much stuff for their rooms it would go in to the loft to be rotated in a couple of months time.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/03/2015 09:36

At three I would (and do!). I have a bit of a system - box up stuff I think she no longer plays with or would miss and store them in the cupboard. If after a couple of months she hasnt asked for them I sort into "keep for DS" boxes or "Charity Shop" boxes.

Her books go to her preschool.

Stinkersmum · 05/03/2015 09:36

how on earth to you 'consult' with a 3yo? If they had the sense to think that some of their toys had seen better days they'd have had a clear out themselves. I'm sure you know what toys she does and doesn't play with. Just do it.

Artandco · 05/03/2015 09:56

I always get mine to help. Explain how some children have no toys etc

I always get mine to fill a shoebox each year at Xmas and Easter to send to children with little things. Part of this I let them view the promotional videos about the type of children it would go to. We then include them with buying the new parts ie pens/ toiletries, then encourage them to include a few own small toys they have outgrown.

We also take old clothes and toys to a local refuge. They come with me so can see the children receiving.

I think they need to learn certain things they can keep if precious, but others they will outgrow/ have multiple of

DixieNormas · 05/03/2015 10:00

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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