To declutter my DD's bedroom of toys etc without consulting her?

[smallfurryfriends]

I'm going through a major, long needed declutter of my home at the moment. I have gone through pretty much all the rooms and have got rid of an unbelievable amount of stuff that I just do not need!

I really really want to do the same with DD's bedroom. She is only 3. I've gone through her clothes and books no problem. She still has lots of 'baby' type toys which she has grown out of and various bits and pieces (small toys that were part of a set of something or other). I want to just go in there when she is at nursery with a couple of big bags - one for chucking in the bin and another for the charity shop/gumtree/ebay/friends kids etc. But I am worried that this would be really cruel and she will be really upset if I do this. The thing is, I also know that if I ask her to help me, she won't want to get rid of anything. I have already sort of hinted at various things being given away etc and she says that she still wants it even though I never see her play with them anymore. This is also someone who will be adamant that a twig she found outside is extremely important and get upset if I want to throw it out...

Her room is really full at the moment and I need to combat this before it gets worse! WIBU to just go for it or will this cause life long trauma?

I've always culled without them being there.. I don't think it's traumatised them..

Go in and bag up all the stuff that needs binning. Broken toys, games with bits missing, ripped books etc. Even this makes a dent.

Then fill a bag of all the obvious baby stuff she'll never play with again and just stick it in the bottom of your wardrobe until you find a home for it.

Display the things you want to get rid of but are not sure and see if she plays with them much. Their time will come.

Yanbu you are the parent and should be able to make decisions like this. She's 3yo. You know by now what she uses and what's special to her. The rest you can bin/donate.

At that age I'd get rid of toys with bits missing and put outgrown ones in a bag out of the way for a few weeks. If she doesn't mention any of those toys in that time I'd get rid of them.

From 4/5 I'd get them to join in, usually just before Christmas to make space for new things.

Once kids are about 6 I'd only get rid of broken and incomplete toys without getting them to help, my mum used to get rid of things of mine when I was younger and I hated it, I used to play in my room so she wouldn't know what I played with and there were a few things she got rid of that I used to play with a lot. It's not nice coming home from school to find loads of your things gone even if you are only young.

That said, at 3 she's unlikely to know unless it's a favourite toy.

Could you offer a new-to-her toy for every twenty toys she lets go (or whatever ratio suits)? Or one thing she really wants after the whole declutter is done?
My parents used to sell off my stuff (with me involved in selecting and pricing etc) every few years to pay for my next size up of bike, that used to work well as it didnt just feel like they were arbitrarily stealing my stuff.

I do it all the time. Anything that doesn't get played with goes. Same with books. Really don't see what's wrong with that. She is yet to notice any of my culls.

Every parent I know does this! I put things in the cupboards under the stairs for a few weeks just in case they are missed, then down to the charity shop they go.

My daughter does her own room now and is more than happy to pass things on to younger friends.

My dd has always had "hoarding" tendencies and so I have been conscious of treading really carefully. She doesn't worry about clothes so we have always done the job of retiring old clothes together! Toys also not too bad as she has a baby sister who her favourite things can be passed on to. "Tat" is a totally different story! At age 5 she literally would not part with any party bag or McDonald's happy meal toy

I have relaxed my minimalistic ideals relating to her bedroom and she has a lot of clutter but I have always gone through and removed the odd bag full every few weeks and I have obviously been careful enough never to be caught out!!

She is now ten and finally agreed to part with her 50 cuddly toys, Which had been in her wardrobe in a hanging store for the last two years!!!! They are in a box in the loft which is a great compromise all round. Her clutter now is more nail varnishes, pens, earrings etc and she is definitely more amenable to decluttering so I don't think my years of secret disposal did her any lasting harm!

I agree with someone upthread. Do the big clear. Put the old toys somewhere she can't find them. Then tell her that you've cleared a few of her old toys away and if she wants them to ask for them by name. Don't tell her what's there, she needs to remember. Anything she hasn't asked for for 2 months chuck.

I've just done this with all of DCs toys. It took me 4 days and quite frankly if I hadn't done it I'd have gone mad. Did it when they were at school and they haven't noticed anything gone. I feel so much better. My bedroom next

I am a hoarder. I cannot bear to part with anything. I believe the origins of this can be traced back to my DM deciding to "clear out" my stuff on a regular basis without asking me.

In your position I would quietly be taking two or three things each week and storing them elsewhere to see if they're missed.
My daughter would be distraught if I did what you're planning. Her room is exactly the way she wants it and she knows where everything lives. (Though very full and cluttered.) One day .......

I don't do this because my mum did and I hated it. I'm a bit of a hoarder now too.

I am kind of unsure of whether I would do this. I don't have a three year old child, so don't know how much they would be capable of contributing to the decluttering process.

However, as a child my possessions were thrown away without my knowledge / consent. This has had a lasting impact on me, as an adult.

I don't know how I will approach decluttering with my ds, in future, as he is very young. However I do think about it. I will be very cautious. I don't want his adulthood to be affected like mine.

DS was a messy little swine. When he was about 10 I threatened that if it was on the floor or not put away it was going in the bin. I went in one day and it looked like he'd been burgled. I put the lot in a bin bag, vacuumed and hid the bag in the garage.
He's 22 now. I found the bag when we cleared out the garage about 2 years ago. He'd never noticed at the time that all the clutter had vanished and never asked about it.

Just tell her you've tidied up, don't point out you've removed toys. She may be delighted and more enthusiastic as she rediscovers what she has left. Don't actually get rid of the bags of removed toys for a week or so; then if you've made a mistake and she is genuinely attached to a specific thing you've removed you can return it.

My lazy kids like it when I gut their rooms, but I put the removed toys away for a bit and they do ask for specific items back, which I think is fine 90% plus is forgotten.

We make it fun. Three boxes and DD gets to decide 'give to other kids', 'chuck' and keep. We aim for the first two boxes to be roughly equal to the last. She is incredibly good at it.

Noooo. This is very unreasonable. It happened to me and now I'm a right hoarder and get very stressed when things get lost! Do it together and teach good habits of cleaning out, giving to charity etc